I recently subscribed to a nice little magazine about steaks.

It's a rare medium well done.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
Dad, Son, and Magazine

Dad, here in this magazine it is written that masturbation significantly weakens sight. Is it true? He replies: Read for me. I can’t find my glasses anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keelssuper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill people.

Now I have many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommanderKooKoo6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
What does Playboy use to print their magazines?

Boner toner

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
What kind of magazines do cows read?

Cattlelogs!

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lockdoggs15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine offered me a piece of a pizza made out of a magazine that's no longer published. Hesitant at first, it turned out to be tasty!

It was a slice of Life.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss yelled at me for cutting articles out of a magazine at work.

He said to do it on my own Time.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazine does the Big Bad Wolf like to read?

Porks Illustrated

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otacon368
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw these two magazines next to each other at Target and couldn’t help myself.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ookitarepanda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Googles meme magazines. Finds this.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Pennywise the clown is listed in Forbes magazine, for what It's worth.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of magazines do cows read?

Cattle logs

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atumanov55
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm an avid subscriber to Father Magazine.

I guess you could say I've got Daddy issues.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the staff of a British fashion and lifestyle magazine waiting for a warm beverage?

Elle GB tea queue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmdc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a porn mag company and I'm making it into a Christian magazine.

I'm still working out a few kinks

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocketSquare
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A man named Nicholas Justin retires early from his job at a prominent magazine

At the retirement party, his boss says, "You might be getting to the next stage in your life early, but you'll always be Justin, the Nick of Time."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/command_block_guy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I called Serena Williams to interview her for a magazine article and asked, β€œSo Serena, What’s your favorite planet?”

Her: It’s Venus.

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor recommended I sleep on a stack of old magazines.

I have back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the waiter say when a man blamed him for losing his magazine?

Sorry sir we are not responsible for lost any articles.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LemonWedgeTheGuy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

But she had too many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does Dwayne Johnson sleep under a pile of magazines?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkeyeCommoner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't get to read magazines often,

But I do periodically.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IT_YELLS_AT_YOU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of magazines do cows read?

Cattle-logs.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Me to daughter: Do you read any magazines?

Daughter: Yes I do... periodically.

Dang! Reverse dad joke!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davechri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend told me a story of how his little brother ate pages of a magazine and I asked if it was Readers Digest.

I’m too proud of myself to not tell anyone. I honestly think it was like one of those jokes that you come up with after the opportunity has passed, accept this time I thought of it quick enough. I hope this doesn’t appear as self-aggrandizement, I just think it was a good pun.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the most popular gardening magazine in the world?

Weeder’s Digest!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebakira
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I once dated a magazine collector.

Let me tell you,she had some issues.

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Found this cute sheruff in a magazine.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Facestrike
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad recieved a phone call from the magazine "Runner's World"

women on the phone asks:

  • "is (mother) home?"
  • dad: "no, she just ran off"
  • women: "oh, ok"

I dont think she got it.

edit: This is actually funnier how he said it in dutch (our native language). his words were "ze heeft ze benen genomen" which literally means " she has taken the legs".

πŸ‘︎ 870
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireflaai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I told my son that I was looking through a car magazine. "I'm thinking about buying you one..." I told him.

He said, "Oh my god! But...I need to pass my test first."

I said, "No, you don't, it's only a magazine."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
subscribe to Dad Magazine!

#1 magazine for β€œpop” culture.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bedsidecargo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What type of magazine do cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuck_the_amish137
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
There's a printed magazine for nearly every topic and subject, including all about fatherhood!

But it's just a crying shame none of them are called "Daddy Issues"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mohawk_ADE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to date this magazine...

... But she had too many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
🚨︎ report
Newsweek magazine laid off some staff recently

They called Time on their careers

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hnd123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
🚨︎ report
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like maple syrup. I wondered aloud if they scent it.

Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coot_Friday
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Forbes magazine says not to buy anything with Velcro.

It's a total rip-off

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgSubway
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
🚨︎ report
The table in a waiting room where they have magazines for you to browse is a periodical table.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirUtnut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Have you seen this month's issue of Pylons Monthly magazine?

It has some shocking images.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bthefreeman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you know if a magazine on the rack is outdated?

It's behind the Times!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lead-holder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Why isn't there a monthly magazine about guns called Clip?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2016
🚨︎ report
I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines.

What can I say, I've got issues.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2016
🚨︎ report
I am half human, half magazine.

Because papa was a Rolling Stone.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Found in a pregnancy magazine

Husband (on phone): help doctor, my wife is in pain and is screaming really loud!

Doctor: Is this your first child?

Husband: No! This is her husband!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xentric_T
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Astronaut's Daughter: My Dad is Out of This World (actual time magazine headline) time.com/3847979/charlott…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErinWilsonAndrews
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
I picked up a Russian fashion magazine and it was just pictures...

...because Russian doesn't have any articles.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Autochron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2015
🚨︎ report
I recently ordered a couple AR-15 magazines that were on sale for my dad.

When I handed them to him he said "So you're done reading them?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torab51
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dad to a telemarketer selling magazine subscriptions...

No thanks, we're all illiterate.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
🚨︎ report
We were interviewed by Modern Dog Magazine today--- and he just couldn't resist...

I work with a dog rescue-- and today we had a phone interview with Modern Dog Magazine.

Our President's father couldn't resist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canehdianchick
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2014
🚨︎ report
What magazines to cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazine does the big bad wolf like to read?

Porks Illustrated

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Otacon368
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
what do magazines have

issues

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yukithecookies
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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