While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad β€œI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would be” as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.

Without skipping a beat he said β€œWhorelocks.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I hit Dwayne Johnson with a magazine

It nearly killed him.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kesavadh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
I fell asleep last night while reading old magazines.

I woke up this morning with back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.

I have issues.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
The Car of the Year for 2021 as votes by Woman magazine is.....

A blue one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
What type of magazines do cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Why did Timmy eat his dad's magazine?

The cover told readers to "Digest"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelpurfield
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy trying out for editor for the sums series of Math Magazine?

It was an addition edition audition.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smrkk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.

Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M1ST3RT0RGU3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches you’ve never heard of but need to try
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rosieSpose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently subscribed to a nice little magazine about steaks.

It's a rare medium well done.

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.

It was my Time lapse.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you have a subsciption to a magazine that is all about fathers?

Daddy issues

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill people.

Now I have many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommanderKooKoo6
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, Son, and Magazine

Dad, here in this magazine it is written that masturbation significantly weakens sight. Is it true? He replies: Read for me. I can’t find my glasses anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keelssuper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of magazines do cows read?

Cattlelogs!

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lockdoggs15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Playboy use to print their magazines?

Boner toner

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine offered me a piece of a pizza made out of a magazine that's no longer published. Hesitant at first, it turned out to be tasty!

It was a slice of Life.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss yelled at me for cutting articles out of a magazine at work.

He said to do it on my own Time.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw these two magazines next to each other at Target and couldn’t help myself.
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ookitarepanda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazine does the Big Bad Wolf like to read?

Porks Illustrated

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otacon368
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Googles meme magazines. Finds this.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My doctor recommended I sleep on a stack of old magazines.

I have back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm an avid subscriber to Father Magazine.

I guess you could say I've got Daddy issues.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Pennywise the clown is listed in Forbes magazine, for what It's worth.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A man named Nicholas Justin retires early from his job at a prominent magazine

At the retirement party, his boss says, "You might be getting to the next stage in your life early, but you'll always be Justin, the Nick of Time."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/command_block_guy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad recieved a phone call from the magazine "Runner's World"

women on the phone asks:

  • "is (mother) home?"
  • dad: "no, she just ran off"
  • women: "oh, ok"

I dont think she got it.

edit: This is actually funnier how he said it in dutch (our native language). his words were "ze heeft ze benen genomen" which literally means " she has taken the legs".

πŸ‘︎ 877
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireflaai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I called Serena Williams to interview her for a magazine article and asked, β€œSo Serena, What’s your favorite planet?”

Her: It’s Venus.

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a porn mag company and I'm making it into a Christian magazine.

I'm still working out a few kinks

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RocketSquare
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

But she had too many issues.

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the staff of a British fashion and lifestyle magazine waiting for a warm beverage?

Elle GB tea queue

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmdc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Dwayne Johnson sleep under a pile of magazines?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkeyeCommoner
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend told me a story of how his little brother ate pages of a magazine and I asked if it was Readers Digest.

I’m too proud of myself to not tell anyone. I honestly think it was like one of those jokes that you come up with after the opportunity has passed, accept this time I thought of it quick enough. I hope this doesn’t appear as self-aggrandizement, I just think it was a good pun.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I once dated a magazine collector.

Let me tell you,she had some issues.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the waiter say when a man blamed him for losing his magazine?

Sorry sir we are not responsible for lost any articles.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LemonWedgeTheGuy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this cute sheruff in a magazine.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Facestrike
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

πŸ‘︎ 335
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2016
🚨︎ report
I don't get to read magazines often,

But I do periodically.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IT_YELLS_AT_YOU
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of magazine do cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuck_the_amish137
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Me to daughter: Do you read any magazines?

Daughter: Yes I do... periodically.

Dang! Reverse dad joke!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davechri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my son that I was looking through a car magazine. "I'm thinking about buying you one..." I told him.

He said, "Oh my god! But...I need to pass my test first."

I said, "No, you don't, it's only a magazine."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I fell asleep last night while reading some old magazines.

I woke up with back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of magazines do cows read?

Cattle logs

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atumanov55
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazines to cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazine does the big bad wolf like to read?

Porks Illustrated

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Otacon368
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of magazines do cows read?

Cattle-logs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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