While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad β€œI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would be” as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.

Without skipping a beat he said β€œWhorelocks.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NoinePiecesOfVinyl
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I hit Dwayne Johnson with a magazine

It nearly killed him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kesavadh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2021
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I fell asleep last night while reading old magazines.

I woke up this morning with back issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LopsidedTeaching8583
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
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I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.

I have issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2021
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The Car of the Year for 2021 as votes by Woman magazine is.....

A blue one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2021
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What type of magazines do cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JohnWicksDogSitter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
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Why did Timmy eat his dad's magazine?

The cover told readers to "Digest"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/michaelpurfield
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2021
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Did you hear about the guy trying out for editor for the sums series of Math Magazine?

It was an addition edition audition.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 129
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smrkk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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Recent studies have shown that roughly 80% of goth girls in our country's high schools enjoy reading parenting magazines.

Strangely enough, they mostly only read the daddy issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/M1ST3RT0RGU3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2021
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American Airlines Magazine Cover: Unsung Heroes - Sandwiches you’ve never heard of but need to try
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rosieSpose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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I recently subscribed to a nice little magazine about steaks.

It's a rare medium well done.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 165
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hieronymous-cowherd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2020
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My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.

It was my Time lapse.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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What do you get if you have a subsciption to a magazine that is all about fathers?

Daddy issues

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Alastrel3000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2020
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A year ago, I got a subscription to a magazine for mentally ill people.

Now I have many issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CommanderKooKoo6
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
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Dad, Son, and Magazine

Dad, here in this magazine it is written that masturbation significantly weakens sight. Is it true? He replies: Read for me. I can’t find my glasses anywhere.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keelssuper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2020
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What kind of magazines do cows read?

Cattlelogs!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 122
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lockdoggs15
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
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What does Playboy use to print their magazines?

Boner toner

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2020
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A friend of mine offered me a piece of a pizza made out of a magazine that's no longer published. Hesitant at first, it turned out to be tasty!

It was a slice of Life.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2019
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My boss yelled at me for cutting articles out of a magazine at work.

He said to do it on my own Time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2019
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Saw these two magazines next to each other at Target and couldn’t help myself.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ookitarepanda
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 07 2019
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What magazine does the Big Bad Wolf like to read?

Porks Illustrated

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Otacon368
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2019
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Googles meme magazines. Finds this.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/justaguy689
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2019
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My doctor recommended I sleep on a stack of old magazines.

I have back issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 183
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2018
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I'm an avid subscriber to Father Magazine.

I guess you could say I've got Daddy issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FlimFlamAndFlamJam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Pennywise the clown is listed in Forbes magazine, for what It's worth.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2019
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A man named Nicholas Justin retires early from his job at a prominent magazine

At the retirement party, his boss says, "You might be getting to the next stage in your life early, but you'll always be Justin, the Nick of Time."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/command_block_guy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2019
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My dad recieved a phone call from the magazine "Runner's World"

women on the phone asks:

  • "is (mother) home?"
  • dad: "no, she just ran off"
  • women: "oh, ok"

I dont think she got it.

edit: This is actually funnier how he said it in dutch (our native language). his words were "ze heeft ze benen genomen" which literally means " she has taken the legs".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 877
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fireflaai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2015
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I called Serena Williams to interview her for a magazine article and asked, β€œSo Serena, What’s your favorite planet?”

Her: It’s Venus.

Me: I’m sorry Venus. Could you put Serena on the phone?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 48
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2019
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I bought a porn mag company and I'm making it into a Christian magazine.

I'm still working out a few kinks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RocketSquare
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2019
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I once dated a girl that collected magazines.

But she had too many issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 161
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2018
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What do you call the staff of a British fashion and lifestyle magazine waiting for a warm beverage?

Elle GB tea queue

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrmdc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Dwayne Johnson sleep under a pile of magazines?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SkeyeCommoner
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2018
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My friend told me a story of how his little brother ate pages of a magazine and I asked if it was Readers Digest.

I’m too proud of myself to not tell anyone. I honestly think it was like one of those jokes that you come up with after the opportunity has passed, accept this time I thought of it quick enough. I hope this doesn’t appear as self-aggrandizement, I just think it was a good pun.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The-cactus-salesman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2018
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I once dated a magazine collector.

Let me tell you,she had some issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2018
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What did the waiter say when a man blamed him for losing his magazine?

Sorry sir we are not responsible for lost any articles.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LemonWedgeTheGuy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2019
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Found this cute sheruff in a magazine.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Facestrike
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2018
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My dad, Paul, was interviewed for the union magazine where he works. I feel sorry for the guy who interviewed him.

Here's a scanned excerpt, via Imgur.

Transcript (Important part in boldface):

Extremely pragmatic and frugal in nature -- "a lot of stuff I see people buying is completely nonessential" -- Paul has a soft spot for absolutely any joke, and the more esoteric, the better. Instead of his proper name on his office template, "The Buck Stops Here" appears. The other day, he stopped me in the hallway and asked "What will the people carrying the coffin at my funeral be called?"

I wait.

"Paul bearers", he declares, followed by a knee-slapping hearty guffaw.

EDIT: Fixed Imgur link.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 335
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TrueButNotProvable
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2016
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I don't get to read magazines often,

But I do periodically.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IT_YELLS_AT_YOU
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of magazine do cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fuck_the_amish137
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2018
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Me to daughter: Do you read any magazines?

Daughter: Yes I do... periodically.

Dang! Reverse dad joke!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/davechri
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2018
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I told my son that I was looking through a car magazine. "I'm thinking about buying you one..." I told him.

He said, "Oh my god! But...I need to pass my test first."

I said, "No, you don't, it's only a magazine."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I fell asleep last night while reading some old magazines.

I woke up with back issues.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of magazines do cows read?

Cattle logs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/atumanov55
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazines to cows read?

Cattlelogs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/labink
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What magazine does the big bad wolf like to read?

Porks Illustrated

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Otacon368
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of magazines do cows read?

Cattle-logs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report

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