My friend just called me and told me he has changed his name to Spinal Column.

I said, "I'll call you back."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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The seating columns at my church are going through a period of awkward changes...

***Pew***berty, in other words.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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As long as you both have something in column
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luciferismybitxh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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My friend called me to say that he’s starting a new Metal band called Spinal Column.

I said, β€œCan I call you Back?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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What do you call a newspaper column that gives advice about fashion wear?

Article of clothing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Why was the man frustrated at the ballpoint pens sorted in columns?

Because he preferred things arranged by row.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RNGJesus69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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Properly formatted tables with column headers make me horny

I guess I'm header-row-sexual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/REAL_Neoliberal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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What happens when a bunch of columns get together ?

They cause a row.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalfFry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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What do you call an insect that likes to grab falling columns?

A caught-a-pillar!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viraljester
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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What do you call a column shaped as a cat?

A caterpillar

Credit: Me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fornothing0130
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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When stalactites and stalagmites meet, they form a column..

So that's what we'll call 'em!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zjackson6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2017
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Astonishmium
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenebalism
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Need to ask somebody to support you?

Just column.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Why did Ben-Hur (1959) "excel" as a film?

Because of all the columns and rows!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mehatch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Apparently Bilbo Baggins has died.

I saw it in the hobbituary column

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Girlfriend got me good while entering the elevator.

The door opened and I said: "After you my dear". Her response: "Thank you my elk"!

It took me a while to realize it, but damn I'm proud.

Edit: Geez thanks for all the entertaining comments, I woke up to a plethora of notifications! I appreciate it everyone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rskrely
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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So, my son got new socks, with Snoopy and Charlie Brown characters on them.

Me: You can't wear those to school.

Him: Why not?

Me: Some kids have "Peanuts" allergies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PepperV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
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How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?

You column.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slmckay73
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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Eveyone in my architecture class was shocked when I said I thought the greeks were terrible at it.

But I column like I see 'em.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acidRain_burns
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Old joke that has stuck with me

So there was this hitman named Arti, renown for his very affordable prices. One day, he gets 3 contracts. He follows them around, keeping track of their daily habits, and finds that each of them go to the the grocery store after work at the same time.

Planning to get all 3 at once, he makes him move and like always, was extremely successful.

The next day, the headlines read, "Arti Chokes 3 for a dollar at Safeway"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluefootedpig
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
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Got a twofer on the wife today.

Driving into work, we see a vehicle with stickers for oars/boats on it placed in a horizontal manner.

Wife: "Looks like that guy likes to row."

Me: "Huh. I prefer columns myself."

Wife: (groan) "So, you like to column?"

Me: "Yeah, on the phone. I leave a message if I can't get a hold of 'em."

Wife: (GROAN) "You're the worst...but I love you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero44
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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Dad told me this one a few years back.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in hand, column connected to the crotch of his pants.

Bartender says "isn't that steering wheel bothering ya, buddy?"

And the pirate goes "yarr, it's drivin' me nuts"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abchiptop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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(x-post from /r/pics) Dad Joke in Self-Written Obituary

http://i.imgur.com/TAQtabb.jpg

Check out the third column, first full paragraph.

Original post: http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/201xze/in_honor_of_my_fantastic_grandfather_who_passed/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bugzzzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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How do you get in contact with a Greek architect?

You column.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yiedrik
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2018
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