I once wanted to read a publication about aquatic mammals...
but it remained a book with seven seals to me.
I'm thinking about starting a publication for bookworms who enjoy jokes about food coloring
I'll call it Readers Dye Jest
What is Donald Trump’s favorite news publication?
What do you call a teacher that would never break wind in public?
I like to pretend that I have Tourette Syndrome so I can cuss in public. Today I went wild on a crowded elevator.
Yeah. It was wrong on so many levels.
I don’t really publicize the fact that I’m Thor’s brother.
How do you get a farm girl to like you?
What do bees do when they have to use public transport?
I felt uncomfortable with my wife giving me dirty looks in public
So I had to ask her to clean her glasses
Why can’t an egg speak publicly?
How are chiropractors and public relations specialists alike?
One is a spine doctor and the other is a spin doctor, but both give things a new twist!
Dad jokes that you overuse in public that infuriate your partner?
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to “put the kettle on” I respond “I can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked “do you need a bag” I point at her and say “it’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
Did you hear about the teddy who got arrested for public indecency?
Imagine a form of public transportation where there is no monetary fee but you relive past mistakes for as long as you are a passenger
The public pool sector must be taking a real dive right now
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Masks are the new Bra
They're uncomfortable, you only wear them in public, and when you don't wear one everyone notices
What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?
Throwback to when I found this vacant billboard in public
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Do you use toilet seat liners in public restrooms?
Or do you not give a crap
Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
I know it's a public health thing ... still getting pretty tired of this Korn teen
Egyptian Council Leader: the public transport in Cairo is terrible.
Egyptian Transport Secretary: We need a new bus
My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...
People who go out in public without a mask make me sick.
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?
What do you call bread that doesn’t want its name out in the public
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.
So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly
I can't believe the lights in the public bathroom went out
now i can't see Jack shit
Story: Lasting after effect of COVID-19
True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.
Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and I’m the dental director for a public health agency.
My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on people’s health.
Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasn’t been right since I had Covid.
Me: Well of course not.
Wife: Why? What have you heard?
Me: Well your left ear can’t feel right. It’s your left ear.
Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.
I practice social diss dancing.
Did you hear about the fraction that was arrested for drinking whiskey in public?
Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.
People who dislike breadfeeding in public are not haters.
They're just tired of breasts being milked for all its worth.
I tried to start a conversation in the public restroom...
but everyone was occupied
I don't think it worked out
Why did the teacher never fart in public?