How do damp libraries classify their books?
Using the Mildewy Decimal System
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 28 2021
How do libraries help keep the books warm?
They give them book jackets!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."
π︎ 197
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."
"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.
π︎ 100
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?
Because the prose outweigh the cons.
π︎ 206
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain
Someone had already ripped the appendix out.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
I asked the library women of there are any books on the Titanic
She said they might have been damaged, wet and moldy.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
Two books meet in a Library. One says ' You don't look too well ' and the other replies..
... Just had my Appendix removed.
π︎ 620
π
︎ May 30 2020
I went to the library looking for a book about Pavlovβs dog and SchrΓΆdingerβs cat
The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasnβt sure if it was there or not.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."
π︎ 439
π
︎ May 16 2020
How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a flood?
Using the mildewey decimal system!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
Why did James Bond keep his library book?
Because it was Due Another Day
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles.
The lady said, "hardback?" I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 12 2020
A guy goes into a library and asks about books on premature ejaculation. The librarian tells him the book is checked out til next week.
The guy comes in the next day looking for the books again but quickly apologizes. Sorry I came early.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
I stormed into the library today demanding to know why the book on high conflict personalities I'd ordered still wasn't in.
"It's not our fault" said the librarian,
"That's the one" I replied.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I went to the library to find books about delivering babies...
The librarian told me they were in the C-section.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 03 2020
I went into the local library and asked if they had any books on the Titanic...
"Oh yes, quite a few." the librarian said.
"Sorry to hear that!" I said laughing. "They'll all be ruined by now!"
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Nov 16 2017
We were at the library when my mate asked "Hey, could I borrow your book mark?"
I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
I went to the library to get a book about soil
but they only have one copy, and it was already out on loam
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
There is a wizard who terrorizes libraries by ripping pages out of books...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
Did you hear about the guy that robbed the library for every book they had? When questioned on how he did it he told authorities he basically talked the librarian into letting him. So i guess you could say he got a way with words.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
I went to the library to get the new book about tiny penises
Librarian said 'I don't think it's in yet'
I said 'that's the one'
π︎ 105
π
︎ May 24 2018
I tried to steal a book from a library...
...but they caught me mid-sentence
Edit: Wow 3 upvotes, the most I ever got!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 13 2019
Sure, a library is the place to find a lot of books to read from
But it's the tallest buildings that have the most stories
π︎ 58
π
︎ Jan 27 2019
I got a lot of book smarts in the library...
...after a whole shelf of them fell on my head
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 21 2019
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book βHow to Hugβ from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jun 20 2018
So I went into a library to look for books on turtles..
Me: "Do you have books on turtles?"
Librarian leaves and comes back after a few minutes.
Librarian : "Hard back?"
Me:"Yeah,with a little head."
π︎ 25
π
︎ Sep 26 2018
Would a library that only had non-fiction books be a truthbrary?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 25 2018
I went to the library and picked up a book about...
Glue. I couldn't put it down.
any others?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 18 2015
Hey girl, are you a library book?
'Cause I'm checking you out.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 24 2017
At the library special collections desk, Dad needed to sign out for a rare book...
...and he had to use one of those pens on a chain. But he was standing too far away from its anchor and the chain didn't reach the signout form.
He looked up at the librarian and said,
> Do you have a pen with a longer chain?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 27 2014
I asked the librarian if there were any books about paranoia in the library
She whispered , "They're right behind you..."
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jul 16 2020
Two books meet up in a Library. One says, ' You don't look too well ' and the other replies..
.. just had my Appendix removed.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jul 20 2018
A man went into a library and asked, "Do you have any books on shelving?"
The librarian said, "Yes, all of them!"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 04 2019
I went to the library for a book about paranoia!
The librarian said "It's right behind you!"
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
A woman walks into a library and asks: "Do you have any books about paranoia?"
Librarian: "They're right behind you!"
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 28 2019
Woman walks into a library and says have you any books about paranoia?
Librarian says their behind you.
π︎ 80
π
︎ Apr 17 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
