My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

πŸ‘︎ 38k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
I'm pretty bad at building fences..

Oops, wrong place for this post

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
A physicist sees a man about to jump off of the Empire State Building...

He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”

πŸ‘︎ 149
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MCVeteran69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of overly complicated buildings

I have a complex complex complex

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thenoblegoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
what do you call a bunch of Mormons in a burning building?

S'mormons

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDalrymple25
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
Once I got lost in a building in China

It was Wong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timfuzail
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
My mate has a fear of over-engineered buildings. He has a complex complex complex

He went to the psychiatrist and he discovered it was more than just a fear. He has a complex complex complex complex

The Doctor sent him to a specialised centre.. It was the complex complex complex complex complex.

Unfortunately, it was an over-engineered building. Yes, it was a complex complex complex complex complex complex.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I were traveling thru Kentucky where we stayed at a lodge. She told me a humorous story out to the left of the wall of the building...

It was an inn-side joke.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
My wife laughed at me when I told her I was building a car made of spaghetti..

Until I drove pasta

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
So me and Eddie Vedder go camping, but he insists on building the fire

He says β€œMy campfires are better, man.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
What is the highest floor of any building?

Floor 20

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
If a building goes ablaze...

Then everyone in it is fired.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BiggestForts
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
What animal can jump higher than the Empire State Building?

They all can; the Empire State Building can't jump!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robitsarecool
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
A new elevator was just put into my office building

Some would say that’s a STEP up

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyfalling52
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
I'm pretty bad at building fences..

I guess that's why I'm always reposting.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosemourne
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
I tried building a stronghold the other day .

It wasn't exactly my forte.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingOfPrehistory1
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I just made a deal with a roof building firm

Hopefully it doesn’t fall through

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building on earth?

The library, it has the most stories

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
The officers of my company all met on the open, unroofed porch extending from our building...

It was a deck quorum.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
I started a new job building custom bookcases...

I'm shelf employed.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I spent the weekend building my 1st foot-manipulated keyboard for the office.

It's my prototype Pro Toe Type.

I literally dreamed this joke last night. Help me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brousch
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I was really enjoying this documentary about bridge building, until...

Until they started using examples from foreign countries. That's a bridge too far for me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ogilvy120
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I wonder if accessory garden buildings really make you happy...

Or if its only due to the gazebo-effect

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frasaco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
When my uncle died, he left me an apartment building he owned, but I was really nervous about taking it.

I got a complex.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
There’s this really out of touch old janitor that works at my office building.

At least he’s an ok broomer.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CobaltD70
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it's got the most stories!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmplFusuz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I saw some people building a new bridge near me and every lunch break, they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins…

It was very civil engineering…

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

Any dog. Buildings can’t jump.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Poor building
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbuLudwig
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Two men walk into a building....

You’d have thought at least one of them would have seen it.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
I had a job making Heavy Equipment for Road Building...

but I got laid off. They said the market for Steamrollers was flattening.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
As part of my superstitious nature, I only insult buildings made of lumber.

I constantly knock on wood.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Someone in my apartment building rearranged all the buttons on the elevator.

That was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Building a shelf and couldn't decide on wood type, so I went with most poplar imgur.com/4HJD9qe
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,

There are no firearms allowed in this building.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what they say, if you've seen one big building with plenty of stores in it-

You've seen the mall.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChequeBook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear of the architect who felt compelled to design overly-engineered buildings?

He had a complex complex complex.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Can a Kangaroo jump higher then the Empire State Building?

Ofcourse it can. The Empire State Building can't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sjoerd019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I just started a business building yachts in my attic.

Sails are already through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Started a new job recently and my fiance asked me if there was a gym in my building...

I said, not sure I haven't met everyone yet. She was not amused.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dubya525
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Frankenstein enters a body building competition and finds he has seriously misunderstood the objective
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leianarodriguez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
We were building a sandcastle on an Oregon beach...

And a big wave snuck up on us. We ran quickly, leaving behind a shovel. I exclaimed β€œthe ocean took your shovel!”

My son: β€œWhich one?”

β€œ...Well, the Pacific...”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cryogenicist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Talking to a guy about a building a fence. I feel I’ve settled into my role as dad pretty well.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrM0n0cle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Which animal can jump higher than a building?

All of them, buildings cant jump.

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donvee141
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Building a stable relationship is like building a stable bridge

It takes a lot of truss

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorTom314
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a building that produces items that are ok, but not really anything special?

A Satis-factory

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A man and his wife were arguing while walking up the top floor of a very tall building, his wife stopped and yelled to him " you're wrong on so many levels "
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCouchPullsOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peachyfluf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife got into body building about 13 weeks ago.

We find out if it's a boy or a girl in a couple more weeks.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StuntsMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do farmers and unfinished buildings have in common?

They both have a lot to grow

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jojabean
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building in the world?

The library,it's got the most stories

πŸ‘︎ 312
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnybou
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve been diagnosed with a rare condition that makes me think I’m an airport building.

Hope it’s not terminal.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tangledtitty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a successful enterprise building yachts in my attic

Sales are through the roof

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jthornborrow21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a boat-building business in my attic ...

Now sails are going through the roof

Source: New York Times Crossword Puzzle, Tuesday Sept 24, 2019, 6 Down

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/some_lerker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I was confused and lost at college, not knowing which building my classes were in. An Asian woman helped me find my way tho...

I was soon oriented.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: look, they’re building an extension to the Wawa

Actual joke my dad made while driving past the construction of the building extension: β€œguess it’s a Wawawa”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I live in an apartment building, and my neighbour, Nami, on the floor above me, managed to flood my entire apartment! There are practically tidal waves in my kitchen. She refuses to pay for the cleanup, too.

I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KasenPringle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Egyptian kings stop building monuments?

Because it was all a pyramid scheme

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vshesha
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A physicist sees a yound men who wants to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells: β€œDon't jump! You have so much potential!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LunorVoHarden
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The crowd watched in suspense as the man attempted to scale the building whilst eating an apple

They feared he may have bitten off more than he could chew

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucaewings27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The power went out in my building and when I asked what happened, the maintenance guy said, β€œThe Transformers blew.”

I said, β€œYeah, it was a bad movie, but what’s that got to do with the power?”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The building had a no trespassing sign

So I only walked through it twice.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/n0th1ng_r3al
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this sheepwreck when was building my underwater base
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IDoNotHaveACunt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The four building blocks of life.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If someone commits suicide by jumping off a building

did they kill themselves a-ledge-dly?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roktyv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My husband won’t talk about the house he’s building

I’m worried he’s putting up walls

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waddupmanitsjohn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What animal jumps higher than a building?

All animals. Because buildings don't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Daddy Bee say to his Daughter Bee when she was being bad instead of building their house?

You better start bee hiving!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboozer69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
The library is the tallest building in town

I hear it has thousands of stories

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spider_Dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad said he watched a documentary about ship building

He said it was riveting.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/303AL
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

You could say I have a complex complex complex.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chronicdane
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake building its own home?

A boa constructor.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What building in New York has the most stories?

The public library.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What athlete can jump higher than a building

Everyone can buildings cant jump

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatCanceryboi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Some punk just spray-painted the word β€œwrong” on every floor in the Empire State Building.

That’s wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I've started a small business building boats in my attic

Sails are going through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jebpeter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Just been told I can get rich quick by buying an old Egyptian building.

I think it's a pyramid scheme.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Proud day for me! My son got me with this exchange while looking at a new building being constructed.

Me: β€œThis thing is going to be huge.”

Son: β€œWhy? It’s only three floors high.”

Me: β€œLook at that elevator shaft! They’re going to build more on!”

Son: β€œGeez Dad, that’s a bit harsh.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Found this on a wall while Joaquin through an abandoned art building at my University.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coreyisthename
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A vampire bat returned to his colony with a lot of blood on his face. When the other bats asked him what happened he pointed to a building and said: β€œSee that cow barn over there?”

β€œI didn’t.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingWilliamVI
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a building that makes average quality miniatures of depressed letters?

A "Sad S Factory".

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_Jingle_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building in the world?

The library. It has the most stories

πŸ‘︎ 317
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Steinemans
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a business building yachts in my attic.

Sails are through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building in the world?

The library – it’s got the most stories!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What building has the most stories?

The library.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cylasbreakdown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a business building Yachts in my attic

Sails are through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 703
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mallander
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the tallest building in the world

The library, it's got the most stories

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/modertly_wet_mop
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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