Always improve and sharpen yourself
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
I never thought my chiropractor would improve my posture...
My doctor told me that I was going to have to make some sacrifices to improve my health....
Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
Carrots may improve your eyes
But booze will double your vision
How do you improve your archery?
With better arrow dynamics.
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
It's true whiskey improves with age.
The older I get the more I like it.
Bought a new padlock to improve my beehive
Now it’s in-bee-leavable!!!
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...
I bought a book on how to improve your memory.
Forgot where I left it.....
They should improve their marketeang
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?
How does a chiropractor improve their craft?
What are the top two things that improve your hearing?
My husband suggested we get a repeater to improve our router signal...
Me: A what?
Him: A repeater.
Me: dramatic eyebrow wiggling with shit eating grin
Him: Oh my god.
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
I asked an experienced gardener how I could improve my herb garden.
He gave me some sage advice.
Reddit should have an app so that every upvote you get improves your credit score
It would be called Creddit Karma
I’ve been eating toast to improve my self
I’m a breader person for it
I wanted to impress my friends, so I learned how to improve my guitar skills.
It was A Major task but I can only C Minor improvement.
Got really bad eyesight, but at the end of this year I’ll get eye surgery to improve my vision, so hopefully next year it will be...
Next year, I’ll expect my vision to improve drastically.
Apparently Rice helps improve your memory.
Just some food for thought.
They say wine improves with age...
But I still hate it and I'm 45.
You can improve the efficiency of your air conditioner by using it after your air shampoo!
Where do you send a kid with ADHD during the summer to improve their focus?
In order to improve our relationship, my neighbor and I have decided to share our water.
We are trying to get a long well.
In the 1970s farmers attempted giving weed to cows in order to improve milk production. However, they concluded the steaks were too high.
To all the people waiting to find out how to improve your posture...
Carrots might improve you vision....
I tried to change the wording of the pizza joke to improve it...
But no matter how you slice it, it’s still cheesy, regardless of the delivery.
My son sent me a recording of a song he wrote. I gave him a suggestion to improve it but he didn't Iike it. He said it was "cheesy" So i said, "Maybe if you worked on your Kraft a little harder you might get a single."
As a traffic planner I was asked how and where I intended to improve flow through intersections. I pointed on the map and said,
My wife lectured me on how she could improve my tighty whities if she turned them into long johns.
I asked her to keep it brief.
The Nordic countries are pooling their resources to improve renewable energy production.
Many Hans make light work.
Trying to improve my dad joke repertoire
After a conversation on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and antibiotics research: "Why is the best disease research done in cities on the coast? Because they like to See de Sea!"
Oranges improves your eyesight
Because it contains Vitamin See
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.