I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.

That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...

Tenfold

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?

I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Improved
πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MFrisch14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Who improved the art of stealing to perfection?

Rob Boss.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
With daily practice, the lumberjack’s musical ability improved

logarithmically

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When my friend showed me his improved Pennywise impression, I said

β€œNow that’s more like It”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/solemnbiscuit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If I make a new and improved fishing lure and name it the pod, will people using it be pod casters?
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatCoconut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Not-really-new but improved calculus joke

f(x)=e^x and f(x)=ln(x) walk into a party. After a while, ln(x) is chatting everyone up and having a great time, while e^x is leaning on the wall and sulking. ln(x) asks eΛ£ what's wrong, and e^x says β€œI'm nervous about integrating.” ln(x) replies: β€œOh, it's simple, just be yourself and see.”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new and improved Cricut vinyl cutter?

It was developed using cutting edge technology.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnyCharming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me that I was going to have to make some sacrifices to improve my health....

Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.

UNEEDCHEF

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.

Me: Iron Man dies at the end.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Carrots may improve your eyes

But booze will double your vision

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kennycrab12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...

....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!

Multi-level marketing

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you improve your archery?

With better arrow dynamics.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?

Yes, and?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crownamedcheryl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a country of male deer with no capacity for self-improvement?

Stagnation

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
It's true whiskey improves with age.

The older I get the more I like it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/herumdegumff
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Bought a new padlock to improve my beehive

Now it’s in-bee-leavable!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey

But then I turned around

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzatron574
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.

From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DAD WHEN…

β€’ you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.

β€’ you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.

β€’ you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.

β€’ mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.

β€’ you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.

β€’ your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...

I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...

The noise was unbearable.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does rockstar, Brian Johnson go to the US capital to cool off?

Because there's an AC in DC.

(Someone improve this joke.)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turn_ncough
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a doctor who is half man and half horse?

A centaur for disease control

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peach_problems
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've removed all the black keys from my piano

Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gell0us
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do computers wear glasses?

To improve their web-sight

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A recipe for a good relationship

My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.

I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.

So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.

The look on her face was priceless!

I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeyRidesABikey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.

Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiscer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...

It was a soundboard

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...

I'm a steak-holder.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a book on how to improve your memory.

Forgot where I left it.....

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wentwiththeflow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
They should improve their marketeang
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chorima94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.

It improves division

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?

Vitamin see!

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyMarkGamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a chiropractor improve their craft?

Chiropractice.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnDough39
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Gradually improving at binary
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OnlyUsesFourWords
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What are the top two things that improve your hearing?

Your ears

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToldYouSo20
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.

... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Weekend833
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I must admit my wife's cooking has really improved....

That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Dear Mother in law,

Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Oranges improves your eyesight

Because it contains Vitamin See

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linzihan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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