The Minecraft fishing rod enchantment β€˜Lure’ is just its version of the enchantment β€˜Efficiency’.

Or rather, E-fish-in-sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VGMemeBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Norwegian efficiency
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flyingtiger79
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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You can improve the efficiency of your air conditioner by using it after your air shampoo!
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2016
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When all hope was lost in the courtroom, the defendant attorney suddenly came out of some luggage and won the trial with efficiency and success.

It was a brief case.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BustZaNuto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
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Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?

He raised the bar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trimofdoom
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Why is the Italian railway so efficient?

Because all the trains run on thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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How do you advertise a efficient shear ?

"This is cutting hedge technology".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/restlesssheep
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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More efficient?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/princeofcrack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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What is an efficient way to count all the X-men?

Per-mutations.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Which is more efficient, the engine of a car or a bicycle?

Car,not cycle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aurilandus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Me: "75 Watts.. 60 Watts.. 100 Watts" Daughter: "what are you doing, dad??"

Me: "oh, just a bit of light reading"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.

Two Byrds, one Stone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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It seems like the Final Fantasy VII remake will run quite efficiently.

It looks like most calculations will be done in the Cloud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PuzzledKitty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
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How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One! Because Germans do not have humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taroqi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, they are very efficient and have no sense of humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danspud69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What do you get when you cross a elephant with a fish?

Swimming trunks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treetop342
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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How do you get around efficiently in Nazi Germany?

You heil a cab.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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The inventor of the lithium ion battery, John B. Goodenough, has developed a safer and more efficient battery.

What's in a name?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon-Osterman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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What is the quickest way to get to the mental asylum?

Just go around the bend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elleden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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Easter and April Fools’ are on the same day this year.

For efficiency, send your kids to look for eggs that you haven’t hidden.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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Why are superbugs so efficient against antibiotics?

It's due to Germ-an engineering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lokae0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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I spotted both girls named Riya together in my office and both were pissed off as I greeted them together.

Apparently di-hi-riya was not an efficient way to say hi to both.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asian_despot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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xkcd 1378 is a dadjoke

http://xkcd.com/1378/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/searingsky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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My dad just texted me this so I think it counts.

Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.

Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.

Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked about the spoon.

He told me that restaurant's owner had hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. Everyone started to carry a spoon & since the staff is better prepared now they reduced the number of trips back to the kitchen and are saving 15 man-hours per shift.

A few minutes later I dropped my spoon and & my waiter replaced it with his spare. (I think that he thought I was texting him). He said that he would get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right then. Pretty smart efficiency. These are the types of little changes I plan to make as we move forward.

As we finished dessert I noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. Before my waiter walked off, I asked the him, about the string. He lowered his voice & told me that not everyone is that observant. The consulting firm he had told me about also learned that the restaurant can save time on bathroom breaks. By tying the string to the tip of the penis, the male staff can pull the penis out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash their hands. This small change shortens the ti

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GHOSTWRlTlNG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/estomasi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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A Sexy Joke

During a night of passionate love making from a couple of German newlyweds, a group of sperm travel, all with the hope to be the one to fertilize the egg. A pair of sperm find themselves in a heated argument:

"I vill be the one who gets there first, after all, I am from the left testicle, we are known for our speed!" gloated the one sperm.

"Nein! It vill be I! I hail from the right testicle - known for its efficiency!" yelled the other.

"Well we lefties are known for our cunning, I will definitely out maneuver you!"

"The right vill be VICTORIOUS!" "Nein! the left vill be TRIUMPHANT!!!" "LEFT!" "RIGHT!" "LEFT!!!!!" "RIIIIGGGHHHTT!!!"

Finally fed up from the constant bickering, a sperm from the front of the load yells

"OH VAS DEFERENS DOES IT MAKE?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EwThatsABoysName
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
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My Dad emailed me this joke this evening

"Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know if the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of champagne.

"Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle"

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good." said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden the same question. "Joe, answer this

for me."

"Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's

not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," said Biden.

"Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.

Frustrated, Biden went to work out in congressional gym and saw Paul Ryan there.

Biden went up to him and asked, "Hey Paul, see if you can answer this question." "Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Paul Ryan answered, "That's easy, it's me!" Biden smiled, and said, "Good answer Paul!" Biden then, went back to speak with President Obama. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle."

"It's Paul Ryan!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,

"NO, You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

...AND THAT MY FRIENDS IS PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aznatheist620
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2014
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We just a new heat pump installed in our house.

My dad was telling me all the fancy features and telling me how efficient it is compared to our old gas furnace.

Me: Well it sounds like we are going to saving a bunch of money on our heating bill! That's awesome.

Dad: yeah it's super efficient. So I'm pretty pumped!

Me: -_-

Dad: shit eating grin and a good chuckle

Me: god dammit dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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My dad

Dad: How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Me: ehm?

Dad: 'Puts on German accent' One.. we are efficient and have no sense of humour

Then he starts laughing vigorously and walks away proud as a peacock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bankaren
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. We are very efficient and not funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They’re efficient and not very funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m1ngaa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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How many Germans do you need to screw a lightbulb?

Nein.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickael_Tarakona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They're very efficient and have no sense of humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanOfAllTrades80
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They're quite efficient, and not very funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ehlodex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just 1, because they are pretty efficient and not very funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nownownowow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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