Hello fathers and fellow lovers of dadjokes! I am in need of your collective wit. You see, my friends did not get the hint that it was a bad idea to do this last time, and yet have foolishly asked me to house sit for them again. I've decided to prank them again (because I'm a wonderful friend), and this time I am turning their house into a house of puns. I need puns I can practically make. Here are a couple examples:
"While you guys were out I think your milk went bad..." draw on milk carton a bandanna, scruff, and a gun tucked into its logo
Move any of their jars in front of their bedroom door.
A map starting from their router.
Things like that. They have a pool, two labs, but otherwise have a pretty standard living arrangement. However, I don't want to mess with their computers as their occupations have some sensitive materials on them.
I struggled with what sub to reach out too with this post, so thank you all who reddit. You're fantastic folk, the lot of you!
But no pun in ten did.
It's a natural selection.
Not once has anyone laughed at one of these jokes when I have told them. Way to keep the spirit of dadjokes alive by putting groans before laughter!
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
A "Sad S Factory".
He's known as "the Fender bender".
A solid steak drive
I see a little silhouetto of a man.
It was legendairy.
A man in Australia took a train to the town of Mercy, where he heard there was a coffee shop that served drinks named after Australian animals. When he arrived, he decided to try the Koala Tea. He received his order quickly, which turned out to basically be a cup of hot water filled with whole eucalyptus leaves.
The man asked the barista, "Excuse me, there seems to be a lot of loose leaves in my tea."
The barista replied, "Yes, sir, the Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained."
They can make little things count.
I mean, the veggies on it are starting to turn different colors and the bread has gotten stale. How can anyone eat this sub?
I call it a sighsmograph.
Q: Why did the mechanic sleep under the car? A: He wanted to wake up oily in the morning.
Q: What kind of cough medicine does Dracula take? A: Coffin medicine.
Q: What animals need oiling? A: Mice, because they squeak.
Q: How does Jack Frost get to work? A: By icicles.
Q: What do hedgehogs have for lunch? A: Prickled onions.
Q: What lies in a pram and wobbles? A: A jelly-baby.
Some say it heals all wounds
They're all so pixielated.
It has never let me down.
It don't take shit from nobody
...turns out it was marxmanship.
A pawsitive feedbark
They must be under a lot of pressure.
But, none of them make the cut.
6 out of 7 are not happy.
Now he's known as Scheissenberg.
So what? Stop giving me flac.
...but it makes my hand feel kinda shitty.
After all, they're sub-optimal.
She responds with "oh, I know why it's not as good! We bought oo-short tea!"
So today in my physiology lecture we were talking about muscles and we touched on connective tissue and our prof said something about "broad bands of connective tissue" and I turned to my friend next to me and go "If there's broad bands of connective tissue do you think there's Wi-Fi of connective tissue?". He just sighed and told me he was going to punch me before going back to writing his notes with a look of pure hatred on his face.
(I tried to contain my laughter to his reaction and ended up snorting really loudly like a minute later when I heard him snicker)
Two peanuts were walking through the park
One of them was a salted
Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.
While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).
I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)
The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun... keep reading on reddit ➡
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
That way there's a punch line.
That would be its utensil strength.
"that right there is the duct seal" "that ain't no duct seal" "look here! Ain't no ducks gettin through that there seal!"
My mum turned to him and asked "how did you find your meal"
Without hesitation he replies
"oh it was in front of me when I sat down"
Heard this in one of my GA Tech OMS CS lectures. (Michael isn't my Dad, but he is definitely a Dad.) The professors were discussing criteria for determining whether or not to enter a restaurant.
Michael: How about whether it smells good?
Charles: Yea I like cleanliness. Or you know what, let's be nice to our eateries. Let's say atmosphere.
Michael: Mmm, right, because if there's no atmosphere, it's going to be really hard to breath.
Back in my classical mechanics class, we always used p to denote momentum, and q to denote position. Halfway through a lecture full of brain farts where everyone was accidentally saying and writing "p" when we meant "q" and vice versa, our prof said, "You gotta keep your p's and q's straight! Physicists know what it really means to mind your p's and q's." <<chuckles to himself>>