I hope the standards of this sub are low enough
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yomamama69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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The gold standard
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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An American, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, a Burmese, a Chinese, a Canadian, a Dutchman, a Dane, an Englishman, an Estonian, a German, a Japanese, a Korean, a Mexican, a Nepalese, a Pole, a Russian, and a Welshman all walk into a posh bar. The doorman says sorry, we have standards.

You can’t come in without a Thai.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Women’s standards are always too high
πŸ‘︎ 709
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bence0302
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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I have a simple standard for dadjoke quality: the joke should not simply be a lame, obvious pun that anyone could think of. So I checked to see if any of this sub's top ten jokes met this standard

But no pun in ten did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harambememes69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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I used to have high standards

until someone stole all my flagpoles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiftyMcShift
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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What television video interface standard was created by Yoda?

HDMI?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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One time I lowered my standards when it came to a girl but I told my friends afterwards the girl was hot like a summer day in the Sahara. You could say I metaphor.

Get it? Met-a-four?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raging64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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Everyone always talks about their standard poodle

Am I the only one who drives an automatic?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeilsErikTheRedd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Who enforces cheese standards in Mexico?

The Feta-ralies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avian80
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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So tired of these double standards.

If a woman sleeps with ten men she's a slut, but if a man does it he's gay.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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Why are dogs more likely to chase standard cars than automatic ones?

Because they’re stick

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic-Canuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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This is pretty tenuous even by dollar-store standards.... imgur.com/Tr4L2qv
πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultra-saurus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2015
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Job requirements are hire standards
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kahnonymous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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Just a standard conversation with my dad...

http://i.imgur.com/Xp8DaVY.png

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggerslolol
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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Ray's Your Standards for Steak
πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditCitizenKane
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
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Driving thru customs, standard dad answer when asked if there were any food or animals to declare...

"Just the wife"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leiderdorp
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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Dad's standard answer to "How do you have your coffee?"

"In a cup."

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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A Standard Poodle can be a lot of trouble for a first-time dog owner

I’d recommend an Automatic Poodle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/landsmith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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Roommate rummaging through the wine shelf: "dude, what's the difference between this Cabernet standard and a Cabernet reserve?"

me: "one called ahead!"

she left.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackiejack1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
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Not sure if this is up to standard

The SO asked me to do her a favor.

Me: Sure

Her: Can you run upstairsβ€”

Me: yup

Her: and get me myβ€”

Me: Wait, there's more?

Her: roll eyes

Me: Hyena laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n10w4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2015
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Dad's standard response to (anyone) noticing his haircut...

Unsuspecting straight-person stating the obvious: "You've had a haircut!"

Dad: "No, actually, I had several of them cut.

...y'know, it works out cheaper to have them all done at the same time!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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Dad's standard answer to "How many sugars?" (...would you like in your tea/coffee)

"Fourteen."

<beat>

"...but don't stir it - I don't like it sweet."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
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My standard response.

Wife: "I ran into someone_someone at the shops today."

Me: "Did you apologise?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrokkenFrepz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
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My dad tends to stare (as they do) when I ask him what he's looking at he has two standard responses:

"Puzzle with a nose in it" or "I dunno, the label fell off"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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I have a simple standard for dadjoke quality: the joke should not simply be a lame, obvious pun that anyone could think of. So I checked to see if this sub's top ten jokes met this standard.

But no pun in ten did

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
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Who enforces cheese standards in Mexico?

The Cheddarales (ched-er-AHL-ays).

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/molotok_c_518
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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