My wife and I received nothing from our wedding guests but colanders. There musta been 500 of the damned thing.
It really put a strain on our marriage.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 04 2021
Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
I received all kinds of spices for my birthday, but I don't cook. I think...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 17 2021
I received a break-up note from a quarter.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
How did the detective describe the mysterious package he received?
He said it was an open and shut case.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
Just received a masters degree in 'garden fencing'.
I am now a post graduate.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
I came in first at the science fair and received a new telescope...
It wasnβt bad for a constellation prize.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Iβve just received another rejection letter from a publisher regarding my autobiography.
Thatβs the story of my life
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
I just received a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my old clothes to the starving people around the world...
I told them, "Anyone who fits into my clothes, certainly isn't starving. "
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Bonnie Tyler's new range of biscuits have received good reviews
They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
I received a verifiable threat against my Boston cream pie
So I had it placed in protective custardy
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
The capital of India received a large shipment of refrigerators for displaying meat but they were contaminated with coronavirus...
it was a lot of new deli cases
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
I received an email today from the owner of a German sausage processing plant, he said I could have it for only 1000β¬
I agreed and wired him the money. Whatβs the wurst that could happen?
π︎ 36
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
I recently received a book with βdo not read until the year 2030β written on the cover
But thatβs a story for another time
π︎ 61
π
︎ May 16 2020
We received your test results from the urologist...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
I created a new post earlier but received loads of hateful comments...
Now I've got post traumatic stress
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 19 2020
I suddenly couldn't go out and act because I received lots of crates of materials...
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 24 2020
Tried this on daddit and it was not well received, got a hard eye roll and a giggle from my daughter, am I doing this right? I need some help with my leeky bowl.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
This legen-dairy text I received earlier tonight
π︎ 793
π
︎ Nov 12 2017
What did the bald man say when he received a comb as a gift?
"Thanks! I'll never part with this!"
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
I received a fortune cookie with no fortune inside.
Without hesitation my wife said, "that's unfortunate"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 01 2019
To all my friends who received a book from me at Christmas ...
They're due back at the library on Friday, thanks.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 31 2019
My friend told me this: What did the pet frog say after you received an F on your test paper?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 13 2020
Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
π︎ 304
π
︎ Sep 30 2018
I received an unexpected bill from the doctor for fixing my leg...
I realized this is America and I oh-ed.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
My daughter received $46 cash in a birthday card
She commented, "that's an odd amount." I told her for being a math honors student, I would think she'd recognize that 46 is an even number.
She rated my comment a 6 out of 10 on the Dad joke scale.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 24 2016
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 28 2019
I received a letter the other day saying my tax return was 'outstanding'.
Although it's lovely to receive such high praise from HMRC, to be honest I can't even remember sending one in.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Nov 21 2018
Received the results back for my blood test, and I was pleased.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
I just received some uplifting news!
The builders have finished my staircase
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
Today I received a call regarding a new hearing aid.
The connection was bad, I couldnβt hear a thing.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Received this for my birthday
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 29 2019
I received this joke in the mail and now I'm sending it out to you guys.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 08 2019
My friend received some land to build on...
He said, "Thanks, a lot".
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
I heard SEGA received an offer to collaborate with Square Enix for a new Sonic RPG, but turned them down
The workplace was a No-Fly Zone.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
I received a little bit of the whole lot in my father's will...
About an acre or so was all it was.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
Just received Twin Peaks and the "missing pieces"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 05 2018
My brother received board games for his birthday!
He got a Clue and a Life! He now owns a Monopoly of board games in his house!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 13 2019
Jackie Chan recently announced that they have received the surgery to transition from male to female. Though, despite this, the most shocking part of this interview was her saying she will no longer be doing her own stunts.
She just doesnβt have the balls anymore
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 17 2019
Received a resume today with this attached to it. #(toe)nailedit
π︎ 18
π
︎ Aug 10 2018
I just won the World Attic Championship as I received my prize, I held my trophy a loft.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 27 2019
Did you hear about the awards show where the winners received an award that looked like a kitty's behind?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 12 2019
I received a spam call the other day...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 02 2019
Don't know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I'd won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show
π︎ 26
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
I am bald and received a comb for my birthday.....
I told my son I'll never part with it.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Sep 12 2019
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