Sometimes my experience on an elevator is very uplifting. Other times ...

I just feel let down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/well_I_swan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
The first time i used an elevator it was an uplifting experience

But the second time it let me down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatoman-177
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, β€œthe more pain you experience, the better you will feel.”

What a strange pair-a-docs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
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Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."

Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."

Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
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When I want to experience intense ecstatic happiness, I reach for the bottle of dish washing liquid...

I like to feel Joy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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I once had to fly with no prior experience.

I had to wing it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/debateablyhuman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
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I went for a job interview today, he asked, "Can you tell me about your previous work experience in a nutshell?"

I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."

"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
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Having surgery with local anesthesia is a SCARRING experience
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πŸ“…︎ May 19
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My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
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What do plumbers experience in their sleep?

Pipe dreams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
For the best auto body experience
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProudTacoman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
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I experience winter for the first time in 26 years, and i have to say

It's a cool thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arifshiddiq
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
The first time I rode an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leftonasournote
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
During an interview, I was asked how much experience with Photoshop I have...

I replied "I'm so good at Photoshop I make Mother Teresa look like Donald Trump."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
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I tried out a weight watchers group therapy session but no one would talk about their experiences.

There were just too many elephants in the room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
The first time I ever used an elevator was a real uplifting experience.

The second time was a big let down!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PinkDG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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The colonoscopy wasn't the best experience of my life.

But it was right up there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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I just had a near sex experience.

My wife flashed before my eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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I had an out of body experience recently.

I was beside myself.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Donating blood can be A-positive experience

But sometimes it can B-negative.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Had a horrible experience dining out last night. The waiter made us eat our spaghetti with a spoon.

I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cynid3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Given my experience, I’m not the best at giving advice when it comes to tequila.

So you all have to take it with a grain of salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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I had a terrifying experience with my therapist after trying to get over of my reoccurring nightmares with the Backstreet Boys. Me: I'm terrified of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: Tell me why

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigaylowry
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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I heard it was an electrifying experience
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90059bethezip
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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I went on a demolition experience day

I had a blast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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I just had a near-sex experience…

... my whole wife flashed before my eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I didn’t like my fruit fashion show experience.

I hate getting in pears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OogaBoogaWoog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I’m surprised they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby given all his experience.

He already played Green Lantern AND Deadpool

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snake_lamp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Was looking for whole-some pun experience.

Definitely 10/10!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2vrk1504
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
For an explosive experience while bathing reddit.com/r/memes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan-VGH
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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I hated my first experience of skydiving. I jumped out of the plane with the other person next to me.

Anyway, about halfway down he said, "So, how long have you been an instructor?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rednreditit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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A man is diagnosed with a rare condition where if he stops talking about his life experiences, he dies. Not to worry though the doctor said ...

Looks like he's going to tell the tale to live.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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True story: my daughter was playing a pet-salon game on her iPad and said to me: "Hey dad, I've just worked out that if you just brush their teeth over and over you get experience points faster." To which I replied: "You shouldn't grind your teeth."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadowfax1138
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I had my first experience with an elevator today

Over all it was pretty uplifting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twicebaked840
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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What does an electrician experience on his first day of work?

Culture shock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
my first experience in an elevator was uplifting...

... the second one just let me down

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mellon_coliee
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Experience my first hemmorhoid today

It was a pain in the ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guud_bye_world
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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My daughter had her first Dad Joke experience earlier

Getting ready to leave the soft play. My daughters are 5 and 3, this was the youngest one.

Daughter: Daddy, can you put my shoes on? Me: I don't think they'll fit me, darling. Daughter (looking exasperated): No Daddy, I mean put them on me!

So proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gazcobain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
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My friend had an unpleasant experience with the suicide hotline

They both hung up that day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rebelz3r0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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I hate when people teabag me in video games, it really taints the experience
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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There's a new machine that lets dads experience the pain of child birth...

There's this new machine that lets fathers experience the pain of child birth. A couple tried it out...

On the 25% setting the husband didn't feel anything even though the mother's pain eased.

Surprised, they turn it up to 50%. The wife felt less pain and amazingly the husband felt nothing.

The machine was turned up to 100% and the mother gave a pain-free birth to two beautiful twins.

They returned home the next day to find the mailman dead in the front yard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8sk8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2017
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I had a jaw-dropping experience.

Sadly, it was radium poisoning.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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Scientist have just found out that Jupiter does not experience earthquakes

It experience jupiterquakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akumahluk
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
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Quite The Leafy-Green Experience
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZEKEZURITA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
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I had a bad experience at the new Mediterranean food place. Needless to say, I falafel about my decision.
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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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Studies show when car-pooling, when going through a tunnel, people who sit in the back are shown to experience more anxiety.

Scientists call it "car-pool tunnel syndrome"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeNooNinja
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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What do you experience when you lose a kicking contest?

Defeat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alejo06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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A lifting experience

After kissing a girl on her sofa she said β€œLet’s take this upstairs”

β€œOk” I said β€œ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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I had this strange out of body experience I was a plumber then I suddenly woke up.

Turns out it was just a pipe dream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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The job interviewer asked me about my previous experiences.

I said, "Well, I got the bus...went for a coffee...then walked here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Kansas students get 'first hand job experience' boingboing.net/2017/10/31…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FraudMallu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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My Hotel Experience

I was once staying at a hotel which had two lifts, one for the bottom half and one for the top. I was intrigued with the system and asked the manager about it, his response was a fairly terse one "no funny business here, take the lift like anyone else would" he said strictly.

During my stay I needed to get to the higher section of the building, leading me to use the top lift. However when I came to move it, it took quite the effort and persuasion to get it to shift. Once I'd fiddled around and pushed a few more buttons it slowly made it's way up.

It was at this point I realised the manager simply had a stiff upper lift.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CamelSandwich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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Talking about human perception and experiences, the husband and wife have a lot to teach us..

Husband: A kiss makes my whole day, anal makes my whole week.

Wife: A kiss makes my whole day, anal makes my hole weak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
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Got my fiance today as he was telling me about his Burger King experience

Fiance: "For 4.50 Euros I got fries, a large drink and a long chicken"

Me: "That's called a goose"

He told me to leave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourYam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
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My experience gardening

I decided to grow a garden this year. Most of the plants grew really well, but one of my herb plants struggled and eventually died so I had to throw it out. It was thyme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hammertime4525
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
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I applied to be a door man but didn't get the job due to lack of experience.

Which surprised me, I thought it was an entry level position.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/p3t3r133
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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What did Dorothy think about her experiences in the Land of Oz?

She was blown away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RagingDraugr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2017
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I've been listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall lately and my friends tell me I need drugs to have a good experience with it

But I don't think I need anything at all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePurpleArrow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2015
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I've had terrible experience when it comes to Scrabble on a boat...

I never will conquer the seven Cs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Proasek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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Near death experience

So I was driving to work the other day and as I stopped at 3 way intersection (stop sign) by my house I paused to grab the apple out of my lunch because I was hungry. The moment I after I took my first bite and was about to turn, a construction truck blew the stop sign and almost took out the front of my car. After the excitement left I couldn't help but think to myself, "an apple a day really does keep the doctor away." And took another bite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maximumborkdrive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
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Measuring the speed of bugs is a great way to enhance any enjoyable experience. If you don't believe me...

Time flies when you're having fun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zer01201
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
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Blacksmith asked, do you have any experience in horseshoeing?

"Yes, I once told a horse to fuck off."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacosfalafels
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Classic 7-11 run in experience.

My dad and I were getting our free slushies for free slushy day because fucking free slushies. Anyways, we get in the line and he sees the Pina Coolada flavor is in stock and running, and out of nowhere he shouts "Oh awesome, they have Penis Colossus! That's my go to slushy flavor."

Most embarrassing moment of my life, partially because a girl I had a crush on was there and he knew it. Well played Dad, well played.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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Dads response to my zoo experience
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grneyedgrl01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
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How did 100% of shoppers at Ikea rate their experience?

Pretty Swede

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBossMan007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
🚨︎ report
My most recent dad joke experience

Dad's birthday, displays the new shirt he has just gotten. Me, "It really brings out your eyes!" Dad, " Well that's a shame, I liked em where I had em." *whole room groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/just4alaugh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2014
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A man would experience severe pain in his eye every time he drank tea[X-Post from r/jokes]

He went to his doctor, who referred him to an eye specialist. They performed every test possible, but found nothing wrong with his eye. Since the pain was still persistent, he showed a number of specialists, had every test done on him, consulted quacks, and all to no result. He still felt excruciating pain whenever he had tea. Finally, he decides to visit an old sage. The sage sits him down and pours him some tea. As soon as he takes a sip, he feels the pain again. The sage sets his own cup on the table, and quietly says "Next time you drink tea, remember to remove the spoon from the cup."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gulzaar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Trust dad to make light of a disappointing experience at the local mechanic

I was telling my dad about how we just got our car back from being fixed at our local mechanic and had a pretty disappointing experience. I had to call back several times only to find that there would be further delays (5 days total) until the car was repaired and after 'cleaning' the car and they left grease marks everywhere - including all over the windows, on the steering wheel and door handles.

My dad cut in with "at least you could slip through the traffic easily".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fairyoathen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
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I had an eye opening experience this morning...

I woke up.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2015
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When a close friend dies, male necrophiliacs could experience mourningwood.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClancyKnoxville
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2014
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Was talking to a friend when she told me about an experience she had in Germany.

Whenever her boyfriend would go to buy something at a convenience store, the clerk would ask if he wanted a receipt. He would always say "Nein." My friend would respond with, "Nine? That's a lotttt of receipts. Don't you think that's a little excessive?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THUNDERRGIRTH
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
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Dad has a Zoo Experience

Dad: What is a Shitzu?

Me: A dog.

Dad: No, a Zoo without animals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwad2012
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
🚨︎ report
My experience growing up in a coke house...

When I was a child, I grew up in a coke house. I guess I can see the appeal in it. I tried it a few times and had a good time, but then one day a friend of mine introduced me to a new product. From that point on I knew I was a Pepsi guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamhm182
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

πŸ‘︎ 272
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArpitJain96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience

The second time let me down

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
My first time in an elevator was a very uplifting experience

The second time let me down

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x_amxxn_x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
I just had a near sex experience.

My wife flashed before my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I just had a near sex experience.

My wife flashed before my eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience...

The second time let me down πŸ™

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hungryghost02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience

The second time let me down.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ottohelanen
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."

"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2017
🚨︎ report
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udrys
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.

The second time let me down.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarmelMalone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience."

"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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