How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I just had a near sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
So, how was your experience driving on snow in Spain?
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What happens when an apple experiences unrequited love?
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︎ Dec 06 2020
My cousin had a bad experience on the tram
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Do any of you have experience making Moroccan Rolls?
I found a recipe in a magazine but I wasn't sure about it because the recipe calls for thyme and a bunch of other spices. I had them all, but unfortunately they were all expired. I decided to make them anyways, took them to a party, and they ended up all being eaten, everyone thought they were delicious.
I guess what they say is true.
People love that old thyme Moroccan roll.
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Getting interviewed for a job as a blacksmith: Interviewer: Do you have any experience shoeing a horse?
Me: No, but I once told a donkey to F off.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I wrote a book about how convicted felons can use fiction writing to work through their experiences and achieve better rehabilitation outcomes.
It's called, "Prose and Cons".
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Had my first camping experience last week
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I still experience long-lasting psychological effects from having a childhood friend that took offense at everything I did.
My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
I had the craziest camping experience last night.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
My science teacher said that I might experience 5g on a rollercoaster and I said
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︎ Oct 14 2020
Sometimes my experience on an elevator is very uplifting. Other times ...
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︎ Aug 14 2020
The first time i used an elevator it was an uplifting experience
But the second time it let me down
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︎ Jul 27 2020
First experience with flying.
The first time my daughter was on a plane, she looked out and saw the ground crew, and asked what they did. I proudly said that they are the "monbacks". When the plane pushes back from the gate they holler to the pilot "MON BACK....MON BACK".
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, βthe more pain you experience, the better you will feel.β
What a strange pair-a-docs.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
I went for a job interview today, he asked, "Can you tell me about your previous work experience in a nutshell?"
I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."
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︎ Jun 01 2020
I once had to fly with no prior experience.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."
Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
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︎ Aug 12 2020
When I want to experience intense ecstatic happiness, I reach for the bottle of dish washing liquid...
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︎ Aug 03 2020
I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."
"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Having surgery with local anesthesia is a SCARRING experience
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︎ May 19 2020
What do plumbers experience in their sleep?
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︎ Feb 19 2020
For the best auto body experience
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︎ Feb 11 2020
I experience winter for the first time in 26 years, and i have to say
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︎ Jan 26 2020
During an interview, I was asked how much experience with Photoshop I have...
I replied "I'm so good at Photoshop I make Mother Teresa look like Donald Trump."
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︎ Mar 05 2020
I tried out a weight watchers group therapy session but no one would talk about their experiences.
There were just too many elephants in the room
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︎ Feb 06 2020
I had an out of body experience recently.
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︎ Dec 03 2019
The colonoscopy wasn't the best experience of my life.
But it was right up there.
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︎ Jan 16 2020
Donating blood can be A-positive experience
But sometimes it can B-negative.
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︎ Oct 17 2019
I heard it was an electrifying experience
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︎ May 06 2019
Had a horrible experience dining out last night. The waiter made us eat our spaghetti with a spoon.
I complained to the owner, but even she didnβt give a fork.
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︎ Sep 11 2019
Yesterday, I had a near sex experience.
I saw my wife flash before my eyes.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down
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︎ Feb 02 2020
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down.
π︎ 270
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︎ Jan 19 2020
I just had a near sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
π︎ 14k
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︎ Aug 29 2018
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience
The second time let me down
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︎ Jan 16 2020
The first time I rode an elevator was an uplifting experience.
The second time let me down.
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︎ Mar 04 2020
I just had a near sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
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︎ Oct 23 2019
The first time I ever used an elevator was a real uplifting experience.
The second time was a big let down!!!
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︎ Dec 31 2019
I just had a near sex experience.
My wife flashed before my eyes.
π︎ 132
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︎ Sep 17 2019
My first time in an elevator was a very uplifting experience
The second time let me down
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︎ Jan 25 2020
I said to my wife, "They say that childbirth is the most painful thing someone can experience..."
"Now, maybe I was too young to remember, but I didn't think it hurt that much."
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︎ Jul 12 2017
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience
The second time let me down.
π︎ 57
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︎ May 22 2019
My first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience...
The second time let me down π
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︎ Sep 21 2019
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