I did have some jokes about the Middle East in mind...
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
My dog’s mind isnt exactly the “sharpest” at 2am
There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?
Of course not, I love reading!
I don't mind breakfast in bed
...but I prefer it in a bowl.
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Coronavirus, right off the bat.
I was watching Netflix and eating nachos the other day, when this word came into my mind...
My mind is made up
But at least my body is real.
when all you have in mind while learning chemistry is about making puns
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Why did the white supremacist not mind going blind?
Because he was used to nazi-ing.
Don’t mind me just gonna put this here
I was born with a photographic mind.
It just took some time to develop.
I really don't mind getting older ...
But my body is taking it badly.
My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.
I take it with a pinch of sugar.
Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
A sharp mind has placed this here
Bon Jovi has lost his mind and relocated from his house to a fruit.
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoelaces with just the power of my mind?
My husband: "Look at this mind-blowing machine I found in the bathroom!"
My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.
My physic friend told me he wanted to try his new mind forklift
It really lifted my spirits
I've lost my mind due to the virus panic, but who knows ...
maybe it's just in my head.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
I don't mind people stocking up on toilet paper...
They're just getting ready for a really shitty week
This was just fed to us, and our minds the key ingredients.
I’ve got a joke for you mind readers.
In my mind and in my car...
All I would like for Christmas is a mind controlled air freshener
It makes sense when you think about it
(Say it out loud if you're confused)
Ya know, I saw superhero on the street once, he was in line for a hotdog, read this guys mind and saw that his head was in the clouds, and he just pushed in front of him!
If you ask me, that was pretty telepathetic of him.
My friend Thanos just lost his mind.
Did you know certain fish can read minds?
It’s called “Tilapiathy”.
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. “Do you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. “Not at all” I replied.
“Good, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.
I'm considering becoming a mind reader
A Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a park and see a slide. This is no ordinary slide, mind you, this slide is magic!
Anything you say as you're going down the slide is what you will land in.
The Irishman goes first.
"A POT OF GOLD!" he yells as he slides down and he lands in a pot of gold.
The Welshman goes next.
"POT OF DIAMONDS!" he yells just as loud as the Irishman and he lands in a pot of diamonds.
The Englishman goes next, but he's been on the drink, so he stumbles his way up the slide, then, as he begins his journey down the slide, he yells, "WEEEEE!"
Russian Roulette is such a mind blowing game
Sorry but this has been at the back of my mind for 2 days
I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind
It takes quite a while though.
My wife was having a stressful day at work and just sent me a text "I'm losing my mind!"
I texted back "it's all in your head".
Everyone made fun of my Mind-Controlled Air-Freshener idea...
...But it really makes scents when you think about it!
Cop: do you mind identifying the body? I must warn you it ispretty hacked up!
Me [tearing up]: yes, that’s my brother Reese.
Cop: are you sure?
Me: yes I’m sure, those are Reese’s pieces.
Don't mind getting an occasional sin(tan)
I want a brain transplant... change my mind.
I really can't make up my mind about boxes.
On the upside, they can be opened.
On the downside, they can't.
He's totally losing his mind...
What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?
My girlfriend said she slept with 5 people before we met. I wouldn't mind but I was only 20 minutes late.
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?”.
“No, go right ahead.” the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “plethora”, and sits back down.
“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot.”
What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?
What a mind blowing trick!
Restaurant called the Dog Haus - a Place I wouldn’t mind spending the night if the gf was mad.
So it's past 4 am for me and my mind decided to make this. are you proud internet?
I saw Kian from Westlife drinking a can of red bull. I said “come on mate, make your mind up”.
Get it? Cuz they're not dr... never mind
What do 7 days without water do?
They make one weak
I don’t mind maths.
But it is graphs where I draw the line.
What’s the last thing that goes through a fly’s mind when it hits your windshield?
Funny how this didnt CROSS my mind until I read this genius pun
I was at school today and they ask us if the bill of rights apply to us students i responded we can't bare shoulders never mind baring arms
I was in two minds whether to buy a metal cabinet to store my valuables.
In the end, it was a safe investment.
That brain surgeon really opened my mind.
Baguettes are better than croissants change my mind
In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other
I can read you're mind
You are thinking about my grammatical error.
With so many people losing their minds, isn't it odd that no one has ever found one?
When the suicide bomber discovered that he can detonate bombs with his phone, his mind was blown...
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...
...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.
My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"
She's going to be a great dad one day.
Edit: skipped a word
My wife obviously didn't mind me going to the pub all day today....
She knew I'd be hungry and left me two dinners out on the table!
I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
Look out, that door has a mind of its own.
At a funeral a man sits Behind the woman who’s husband just died. The man leans forward and asks, “do u mind if I say a word?” she responds, “Not at all, please do.” the man stands up and says “plethora” and sits back down.
“Thanks,” said the woman, “that means a lot.”
What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?
My math teacher just lost his mind...
He's a touch infinitely irrational.
What is the Mind Flayer’s favorite type of cheese?
Here's a good joke for all you mind readers out there
A man is at a doctor's appointment and the Doctor returns and tells the man "I'm sorry, sir, but you've contracted a disease that has erased all memories of 80's music from your mind."
The man looks shocked and asks "Oh no! What's the Cure?"
Mom: Honey do you mind if I wear your wife-beater?
Dad: Sure. Knock yourself out!
What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?
I’ve got a joke for all you mind readers out there.