Dont mind if i dooo
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oliv071b
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?

That's where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I've made up my mind. I'm choosing a career path as an electrician.

I just found out you get to work with dikes and strippers.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.

Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I was at a friends funeral and I said to the widow β€œdo you mind if I say a word?”

She said go ahead.

I stood up said β€œplethora” and sat back down.

β€œThank you”, the grieving widow responded, β€œit means a lot”

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jediwag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cheese that lost it’s mind?

It was placed in Emmental ward to recover

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week

I think they called it Allah carte

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ledgerdemaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
After a half century of study, I’ve discovered the true connection between mind and body.

It’s the neck.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pauldeanbumgarner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
Which game was a result of a mind blowing idea?

Russian roulette

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This pun made me lose my mind
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davebelieves
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...

I finally worked it out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?

Its ass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonlimeaardvark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says β€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that β€œcreative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.

His name is.....

Choo choo Twain!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a superpower that lets you locate french pastries with your mind?

Γ‰clairvoyance

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_stevel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know cats can read minds?

Its pawsible, very pawsible.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RufusHalloween
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
The first woman who gave brain had an open mind.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edwinflames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kr4zyy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why you can't read minds. (Credit: how.how)
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Which of Santa's reindeer needs to mind his manners the most ?

Rudeolph.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I woodnt mind
πŸ‘︎ 245
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathWish07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Keep in mind that given all of this year's events, Thanksgiving dinner can get heated

It can get re-heated the next day as well

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the last thing the crossed Goliath’s mind before he died

David’s stone

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTombstoneswe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind going to work every day

It is the sitting around for 8 hours waiting to go home I can't stand.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Mind-blowing
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marjooy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the last thing through a bugs mind when he hits your cars windshield?

His butt

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matty_Boosie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....

But yesterday it was All Night Long

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtweed_dude
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Two inventors died and ascended to heaven. There, they met each other and with their brilliant minds created a brand new form of fire making utensil.

It was a match made in heaven.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A widow is mourning at her husband's grave site. A gentleman walks by and says "If you don't mind, I'd like to say a word."

"That would be nice" she said. "Plethora"..... "Thanks, that means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
This was on my mind for a while after being a candidate for so many job openings.
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pallabpain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't mind Cyberpunk 2077's delay

It just needs a little Polish

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RovingReaver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I hooked up a spooky mind control device to a windowblind making machine

Just thinking about it makes me shutter

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkstarman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a squirrel do when it loses its mind

It's going nuts

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I did have some jokes about the Middle East in mind...

But Iran out of them

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/batmanfan90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What mind of milk do you get from a rich cow?

Spoiled milk

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen me tie my shoelaces with my mind?

I thought knot.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
People don’t mind long lines at the hospital

Because they’re patient

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieFoxtrot432
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Betcha $5 I can move that bottle with my mind...

"No way, dad!"

knocks bottle over with hands My mind controls my hands. Now where's my $5?!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got a joke for all you mind readers out there

Funny, right?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyMase04
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My teacher told me to draw what's on my mind

Ever since then, I've been drawing blanks

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?

A maybe.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog got a lot on his mind

He's been pawndering all day

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind breakfast in bed

...but I prefer it in a bowl.

πŸ‘︎ 264
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πŸ‘€︎ u/paradeqia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Coronavirus, right off the bat.

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/richy923
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set

You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ali_whi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
when all you have in mind while learning chemistry is about making puns
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hydorian_Shieo
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.

I take it with a pinch of sugar.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?

A maybe

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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