I woodnt mind
πŸ‘︎ 241
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathWish07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21
🚨︎ report
I did have some jokes about the Middle East in mind...

But Iran out of them

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batmanfan90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set

You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ali_whi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
My dog’s mind isnt exactly the β€œsharpest” at 2am
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterMeme27
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
🚨︎ report
There's not just leap years. A leap second is a one-second adjustment that is occasionally applied to Coordinated Universal Time (UTC)! Without it, GPS wouldn't work! Want me to really blow your mind?

There's also leap-frogs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26
🚨︎ report
Mind reading?

Of course not, I love reading!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2shoesnotfellows
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
I don't mind breakfast in bed

...but I prefer it in a bowl.

πŸ‘︎ 261
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paradeqia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
When you think of 2020, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?

Coronavirus, right off the bat.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/richy923
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I was watching Netflix and eating nachos the other day, when this word came into my mind...
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_PianoGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
My mind is made up

But at least my body is real.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
when all you have in mind while learning chemistry is about making puns
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hydorian_Shieo
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?

A maybe

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Solilupus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Why did the white supremacist not mind going blind?

Because he was used to nazi-ing.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AntsyPants20
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Don’t mind me just gonna put this here
πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mesh1150
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
I was born with a photographic mind.

It just took some time to develop.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryden22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I really don't mind getting older ...

But my body is taking it badly.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
My wife always yells at me for not knowing how to properly season my food, but I don’t mind.

I take it with a pinch of sugar.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym.

It's just the two days after that I can't stand.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A sharp mind has placed this here
πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyerboiTRESH
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Bon Jovi has lost his mind and relocated from his house to a fruit.

He's living on a pear...

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
Have I told you about the time I tied my shoelaces with just the power of my mind?

Thought knot.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
My husband: "Look at this mind-blowing machine I found in the bathroom!"

http://imgur.com/gallery/LVgGlW7

My eyes nearly rolled out of my head.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ScrollButtons
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My physic friend told me he wanted to try his new mind forklift

It really lifted my spirits

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackCatGamer204
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
I've lost my mind due to the virus panic, but who knows ...

maybe it's just in my head.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."

Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arceist_Justin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Beatles Expand Minds
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedurtyjoo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I don't mind people stocking up on toilet paper...

They're just getting ready for a really shitty week

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiserEnoch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
Change my mind
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
This was just fed to us, and our minds the key ingredients.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyp_The_Tyrant
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a joke for you mind readers.
πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T0mb5tone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
In my mind and in my car...
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/davetell2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
All I would like for Christmas is a mind controlled air freshener

It makes sense when you think about it

(Say it out loud if you're confused)

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyQueen502
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Mind if I say a word...?
πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/digdilem
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Ya know, I saw superhero on the street once, he was in line for a hotdog, read this guys mind and saw that his head was in the clouds, and he just pushed in front of him!

If you ask me, that was pretty telepathetic of him.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
My friend Thanos just lost his mind.

He really snapped.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scathyr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Did you know certain fish can read minds?

It’s called β€œTilapiathy”.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
I arrived early at the restaurant last night. β€œDo you mind waiting for a bit?” The manager asked. β€œNot at all” I replied.

β€œGood, take these lasagnas to table 6” he said.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm considering becoming a mind reader

What are your thoughts?

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firkit28
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Mind the gap!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rens_Stark
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a park and see a slide. This is no ordinary slide, mind you, this slide is magic!

Anything you say as you're going down the slide is what you will land in.

The Irishman goes first.

"A POT OF GOLD!" he yells as he slides down and he lands in a pot of gold.

The Welshman goes next.

"POT OF DIAMONDS!" he yells just as loud as the Irishman and he lands in a pot of diamonds.

The Englishman goes next, but he's been on the drink, so he stumbles his way up the slide, then, as he begins his journey down the slide, he yells, "WEEEEE!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Russian Roulette is such a mind blowing game
πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't mind if I do
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GianPezz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Sorry but this has been at the back of my mind for 2 days
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamza91001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind

It takes quite a while though.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_TheProff_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t mind me
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZaBaronDV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was having a stressful day at work and just sent me a text "I'm losing my mind!"

I texted back "it's all in your head".

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyLux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone made fun of my Mind-Controlled Air-Freshener idea...

...But it really makes scents when you think about it!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Cop: do you mind identifying the body? I must warn you it ispretty hacked up!

Me [tearing up]: yes, that’s my brother Reese. Cop: are you sure? Me: yes I’m sure, those are Reese’s pieces.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrKrabs7382
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Change my mind!
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tomtumi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't mind getting an occasional sin(tan)
πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Is_This_L055
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I want a brain transplant... change my mind.
πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Just_paul_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Change my mind.
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I really can't make up my mind about boxes.

On the upside, they can be opened.

On the downside, they can't.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
He's totally losing his mind...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/randomOmellette
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?

It's butt

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigfatcats92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she slept with 5 people before we met. I wouldn't mind but I was only 20 minutes late.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
🚨︎ report
A woman is sitting at her deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, β€œDo you mind if I say a word?”.

β€œNo, go right ahead.” the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says β€œplethora”, and sits back down.

β€œThanks”, the woman says, β€œthat means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 729
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yuyevin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?

His butt.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Change my mind
πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TWrecks104
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What a mind blowing trick!
πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach2072
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Restaurant called the Dog Haus - a Place I wouldn’t mind spending the night if the gf was mad.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaabeGetOnSkype
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Mind-boggling!
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thudly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
"I will ease your mind"
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cleatus029
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
So it's past 4 am for me and my mind decided to make this. are you proud internet?
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ydc137
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw Kian from Westlife drinking a can of red bull. I said β€œcome on mate, make your mind up”.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matthewbowers88
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
They changed my mind
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AutGamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
MIND = BLOWN
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheeesefonduue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Change my mind
πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onanymuous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Get it? Cuz they're not dr... never mind

What do 7 days without water do?

They make one weak

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrimsonBlade25
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t mind maths.

But it is graphs where I draw the line.

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CineArma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the last thing that goes through a fly’s mind when it hits your windshield?

Its ass

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaSerperior12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Funny how this didnt CROSS my mind until I read this genius pun
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrankTheTank107
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I was at school today and they ask us if the bill of rights apply to us students i responded we can't bare shoulders never mind baring arms
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gardnbra7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in two minds whether to buy a metal cabinet to store my valuables.

In the end, it was a safe investment.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
That brain surgeon really opened my mind.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Baguettes are better than croissants change my mind

In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I can read you're mind

You are thinking about my grammatical error.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
With so many people losing their minds, isn't it odd that no one has ever found one?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shagminer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When the suicide bomber discovered that he can detonate bombs with his phone, his mind was blown...
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatokingXII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...

...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.

My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"

She's going to be a great dad one day.

Edit: skipped a word

πŸ‘︎ 823
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftHandedToe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife obviously didn't mind me going to the pub all day today....

She knew I'd be hungry and left me two dinners out on the table!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Miniman132
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Mind If I Join You
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PmanRulez23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Look out, that door has a mind of its own.

It's unhinged

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/machi_koro
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
At a funeral a man sits Behind the woman who’s husband just died. The man leans forward and asks, β€œdo u mind if I say a word?” she responds, β€œNot at all, please do.” the man stands up and says β€œplethora” and sits back down.

β€œThanks,” said the woman, β€œthat means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turboboob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?

His ass.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djhorne
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My math teacher just lost his mind...

He's a touch infinitely irrational.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the Mind Flayer’s favorite type of cheese?

Demogorgonzola

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pentagonDad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Here's a good joke for all you mind readers out there
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHighPlaces
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is at a doctor's appointment and the Doctor returns and tells the man "I'm sorry, sir, but you've contracted a disease that has erased all memories of 80's music from your mind."

The man looks shocked and asks "Oh no! What's the Cure?"

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopar199
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Mom: Honey do you mind if I wear your wife-beater?

Dad: Sure. Knock yourself out!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I got murder ohm my mind
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Techno_Rolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee who can’t make up his mind?

A maybe.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve got a joke for all you mind readers out there.
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tomb5tone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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