My wife was telling me I am of average intelligence.

Now that’s just mean.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ballsquancher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Why can't Welshmen be in the intelligence services?

Too many leeks.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence

...and I got to keep mine.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/K0ilar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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I suspected my sister's butter had developed intelligence after she took it to school in her lunch box.

Sure enough, it was on her roll.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Someone should start a business intelligence non-governmental organization.

They can call it BINGO.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success

there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an intelligence test that asks you questions specifically about Japanese poems?

A haiQ test

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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If intelligence was a currency...

Would it be called "common cents"?

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonicbash206
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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I've heard talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence.

I've told myself that dozens of times.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JephriB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
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What do you get when you cross a wall unit with artificial intelligence?

Shelf-awareness

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pjaay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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Why can't incontinent people work at an intelligence agency?

Because they're leaking

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobbyLee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
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I just heard the first song made by artificial intelligence

You could say it was a real Siri-nade

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoDragonsPlz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2016
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Dad compliments my intelligence

Let's say I solved a fairly simple task, Dad tells me "wow you're a fart smeller, err, a smart feller."

He's been doing this to me for like 20 years now.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piranhadub
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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Why are ants always intelligent? Because they always have the ANTswer
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Wolf9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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Very Intelligent

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonaldOthrom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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I wonder if the host of Jeopardy! absorbed all the trivia he used as answers... he woulda been mighty intelligent...

It would have made him a smart Alec.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?

They looked at the reviews... only 1 star

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Belpix0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
For Intelligent, Down-to-Earth People.

If we got rid of the Earth's core, it would be dismantling to our infrastructure.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoelCZVC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Whats an intelligent visitor with a typo?

An educated guess

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freezer12557
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Crows are very intelligent birds, they even go out for drinks from time to time.

It's called the crowbar

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashnakag3019
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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My friend thinks drinking beer makes him more intelligent.

I don’t think that makes my Budweiser.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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JFK was an extremely intelligent man

His brain was so big that it covered his entire car.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KonoAnonDa
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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Intelligent
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an intelligent wish fulfiller?

A Genie-us

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okmango69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?

A deus vult

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l30_legend
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Who was the least intelligent character in the Harry Potter series?

Dumb.ledore

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StaggerLee194D
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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I have created the world's first artificially intelligent pottery!

It is a ware!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you like an atom? βš›οΈ

Because they literally make-up everything.

Shout out to my 9yo daughter who came up with this banger all by herself. For the street cred, kid! Happy Friday all!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2aireishuman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Son: Dad, I don't know any synonyms for "intelligent".

Me: "Likewise."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Half the people you know are below average.

I know the math is correct, but that’s just mean.

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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This explains the early-20th century intelligent look
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What beverage makes cannabis more intelligent?

Budweiser

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiritLifter6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
As an Aussie, I feel sorry for my American friends and their government

After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade

πŸ‘︎ 257
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Delliott90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Any time I do something halfway intelligent, my dad says…

"Wow, you're a fart smella...I mean smart fella!"

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the least intelligent fish?

A dumb-bass.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/N1CET1M
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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What do you call 3.14 intelligent cephalopods?
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/he_zbz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
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Enrico's two mallards wonder where all the intelligent aliens are.

Fermi’s pair-o’-ducks

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call an intelligent military machine?

A Think Tank.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/e3-po
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the smartest mountain in the world?

Mt. Cleverest.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."

Those dustbins must be very intelligent.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened when Einstein smoked pot for the first time?

Mankind attained its highest form of intelligence.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear they’ve made a new artificially intelligent Oreo?

It's one smart cookie.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Her: Why are you talking to yourself?

Me: Sometimes I need expert advice.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Increasing security
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckiest0522
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a business building Yachts in my attic

Sails are through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 700
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mallander
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
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