Thought I would toss this one in
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
I thought of a carpentry joke.

I just wasn’t sure if it woodwork.

πŸ‘︎ 174
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I thought I'd try my hand at snail racing.

My thinking was that if I take their shells off, that they'd be lighter and quicker.

All it did was make them a bit sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 177
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CMDR-Hooker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

β€œThat’s just spam.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
Thought this was pretty funny
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/R_Sams2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.

It was a queso mistaken identity.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself,

this changes everything

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/well_I_swan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Image belongs to cyanide and happiness it's not mine but thought you would enjoy it.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Al25fcp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.

So it can lift me up and make my day better.

I tried to OC.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
I thought it was great
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whyamihere6742
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
The set up sucks but I thought it was pretty smart

A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nojuicing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
I finally thought of a clock joke

It's about time

πŸ‘︎ 333
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;

"That's just spam!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jahnatan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Thought this would fit better here
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LatcuTM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Taken from cursed comments, thought it might fit here
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
Someone thought I was stupid and tried to explain what a sawhorse is

But I shut him down immediately because I'm well aware that it's the past tense of seahorse

Thanks

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04
🚨︎ report
I found a drawer with my old watches in it and thought it might be fun to make a belt from them.

I connected them all, but it turned out to be a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stompya
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I thought about making a belt of watches

Then I realised that it would be a waist of time.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maxadam456
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me what I thought of her carry-on luggage.

I said it’s one duffle!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charliethehitman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
Thought this belonged here.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SingleEyedSniper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Queenserenity25
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…

You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
I'm having second thoughts about my appointment to stay at a Native American hotel.

I'm having reservation reservation reservation. (BR)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
"Back so soon? I thought you went for a haircut, dad?" asked my son. "Well..." I replied. "My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused."

"I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions."

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
My dad said this to me when I was 6, he thought he was hilarious .

Did you know, when I was your age... I was six.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pinkyxlemons
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
I thought of a shredded cheese joke.

But it's not that grate

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.

It’s currently half empty.

πŸ‘︎ 703
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
I thought I was Bad Dad

So I did a few tests. Turns out I could never be.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ManThatsBoring
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
I never thought of it this way
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenix841
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I thought he was 'Eveready' for this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
Mailman here, just starting my shift. Thought I would just..

.. Post here.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Just came across a pun thread on r/dadjokes....thought it belonged here.Enjoy :)
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vradenee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that. But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:

OH, OK

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loosecashews
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated.

But I stand corrected.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
🚨︎ report
I thought today is a sad day.

But on hindsight, yesterday was sadderday.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture

But when I got home the tables were turned.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ubadishnard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
Got this from r/memes. Thought it belonged here.
πŸ‘︎ 310
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eucliditorian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
β€œPoor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, β€œSo how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
I thought all the dolphins had died, but then I heard there are a lot of them.

I have a renewed sense of porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
Penny for your thoughts on the coin shortage?

I can't make heads or tails of it. It just doesn't make cents. I guess the way people pay needs some change.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PuddleOfMud
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
I thought my airplane joke would really take off

But instead it just crashed and burned

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Henry5705
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
I thought orthopedic shoes were overrated.

Now I stand corrected.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
How do you get rid of someone’s dirty thoughts?

By brainwashing them

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DillSoupYT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
My son thought males and females were practically the same...

I told him there was a vas deferens.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tunayafish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Unfortunately, my wife left me recently because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face...

(Adapted from a youtube comment)

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haston97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
The missus asked me if I thought of other women so i threw a glass of milk at her.

That's the last time we are ever playing truth or dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
My kid thought I should be impressed that she made a zero out of a twist tie.

I told her she’s 7, she should know that means nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ballatik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
I thought I had an insect on my pants.

It was just my fly.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahemkeidb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I introduce to you, my thoughts at 3AM
πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neckbeardsamurai
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I thought I’d spice up my wardrobe.

Bought some cloves.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahemkeidb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
I thought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parry_Hotter_69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
Thought I'd derail your day.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
You know what's a scary thought?

Bear in mind...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/witz33
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
I thought these surgical pants were mighty loose in the hips and long in the legs!

Sorry, wrong scrub.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
I thought it was a good dad joke.

My wife asked me to remove a spider this morning. I look up and reply "He's made his web, now he can sleep in it" - I got 'the look'

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stonewallgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
The thought of baking scares me

It’s just too whisky

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DugletFactory
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
I thought this was amazing
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WallyBySunset
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
My ex girlfriend had the laziest cat, she was so lazy I actually at one point thought it was dead.

Turned out it was just catatonic.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oppy1984
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...

That's the story of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
From my 9 year old son's shower thoughts

Mario Kart is a rally hard game

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrispeefeart
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
My friend told me to stop singing I’m a believer and I thought she was joking

But then I saw her face

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghastbuster95
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time

Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imodigum
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I thought that this literally a dad joke /r/Jokes/comments/hbzlrw/…
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samc_16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
I wqs planning to make a joke about an aircraft's aerofoils, but then I thought...

"I'll wing it"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.

it's currently half empty

πŸ‘︎ 286
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.

It didn't go viral.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I thought about making dad jokes about star wars...

But I don't want to stoop Solo.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsmoothfuck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
When I first got my haircut I thought it was too short

But it's growing on me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aelbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far

The catapult worked well

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
I thought I would never be able to sing along with other person

But, in the end, I was able to duet.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Thought this would fit here.
πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jigsaw442
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
I thought I saw a crocodile in the laneway behind my house.

But then I saw him a bit later, so it must have been an alley-gator.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I thought there would be more training when I became a garbageman,

but you really just pick it up as you go

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
My friend thought I chucked a freshly eaten apple at his face.

He was core-wrecked.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I asked a Canadian what he thought about robots.

He said, "AI?"

I said, "Yes, you."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I thought that it was a handmade tree
πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.

But I just nailed it

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...

"Third thyme's a charm."

--

Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjmeoow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
I thought it would be better if i illustrated it.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FireCerberus5
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
3am thought: if a weighbridge somehow got stolen...

... would the police conduct a large scale search?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Thought of it. Then googled it to find this. So not original, but too good to not share.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salltycucumber
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I thought I overcame my Whitesnake addiction...

but here I go again.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbguy77
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.

He "cod" me by surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ishmam7and7
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
The Monkees are touring Switzerland and my wife threatened to leave me unless we flew out there to see them. I thought she was joking.......

Then I saw her face, Now we're in Geneva.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Food for thought... Tortilla and mascarilla rhyme in Spanish...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing β€œI'm a Believer”..

Then I saw her face...

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Thought this belonged here. v.redd.it/y1toe10huvs41
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GUNGUNM4N
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
-thought this belonged here- MAN BUN
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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