I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...

β€œThat’s just spam.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Image belongs to cyanide and happiness it's not mine but thought you would enjoy it.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Al25fcp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
I finally thought of a clock joke

It's about time

πŸ‘︎ 328
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I never thought of it this way
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenix841
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;

"That's just spam!"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jahnatan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.

It’s currently half empty.

πŸ‘︎ 697
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
I thought all the dolphins had died, but then I heard there are a lot of them.

I have a renewed sense of porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
β€œPoor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, β€œSo how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, β€œYou’re the eighth.”

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
The missus asked me if I thought of other women so i threw a glass of milk at her.

That's the last time we are ever playing truth or dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Got this from r/memes. Thought it belonged here.
πŸ‘︎ 311
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eucliditorian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I thought he was 'Eveready' for this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/satire_scull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
I introduce to you, my thoughts at 3AM
πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neckbeardsamurai
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Thought I'd derail your day.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I thought this was amazing
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WallyBySunset
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time

Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Imodigum
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
My friend told me to stop singing I’m a believer and I thought she was joking

But then I saw her face

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghastbuster95
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.

It didn't go viral.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I thought I saw a crocodile in the laneway behind my house.

But then I saw him a bit later, so it must have been an alley-gator.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I thought there would be more training when I became a garbageman,

but you really just pick it up as you go

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
I thought I would never be able to sing along with other person

But, in the end, I was able to duet.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
My friend thought I chucked a freshly eaten apple at his face.

He was core-wrecked.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
I asked a Canadian what he thought about robots.

He said, "AI?"

I said, "Yes, you."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.

it's currently half empty

πŸ‘︎ 283
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
I thought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parry_Hotter_69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far

The catapult worked well

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
3am thought: if a weighbridge somehow got stolen...

... would the police conduct a large scale search?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...

"Third thyme's a charm."

--

Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I thought it would be better if i illustrated it.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FireCerberus5
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Thought this would fit here.
πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jigsaw442
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.

But I just nailed it

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Thought of it. Then googled it to find this. So not original, but too good to not share.
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/salltycucumber
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.

He "cod" me by surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ishmam7and7
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I thought I overcame my Whitesnake addiction...

but here I go again.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbguy77
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjmeoow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
The Monkees are touring Switzerland and my wife threatened to leave me unless we flew out there to see them. I thought she was joking.......

Then I saw her face, Now we're in Geneva.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Food for thought... Tortilla and mascarilla rhyme in Spanish...
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poven100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My dentist asked me if I had any questions before he started. I thought for a minute, then asked, "If oral hygiene is so important, why do you..."

"...have plaque on your wall?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .

I replied, "I am"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,

that's shellfish."

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Saw a radio for sale for only $2, wanted to buy it but the volume was stuck on full. Thought to myself...

... boy I just can't turn that down

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BDB384
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Thought this belonged here. v.redd.it/y1toe10huvs41
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GUNGUNM4N
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing β€œI'm a Believer”..

Then I saw her face...

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
I thought I would tell a joke about this new set of drills I got.

I’m sure it would just bore you though.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if I thought 2020 was an odd year.

I said well if you ask me, 2020 is more of an even year.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/urmomgey2006
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I thought that it was a handmade tree
πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
I thought the suspension would kill me.

When the bridge slowly began to collapse.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JadedByEntropy
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
I thought of doing a joke about hot dogs,

But sausage puns are the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
I cut my own hair for the first time the other day. At first, I thought I did a poor job of it...

...but it's really starting to grow on me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastGhost18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
A joke I thought of in elementary school: what did the dragon say to the bad employee?

You're fired.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
My daughter came home from the toy store with a spherical Pixar fish toy. She asked me if I thought it was cute.

Cute? It’s a Dory ball!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shibarak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
I thought this was appropriate given our current circumstances. One of those jokes that makes you stop and chuckle.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winberry5253
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
I thought I found a dinosaur bone in my back yard

... but it was a fossil arm.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kmo78
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Milk has freedom of thought when angry.

They just want to get out of container when they're boiling.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I'm inviting everyone to join me in a thought-session of Stephen King's iconic shape-shifting clown.

Come to think of IT.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ankit_dey
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
My neighbor and I are good friends. So we thought we share our water supply.

We got a long well.

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Here's some pun for thought:
πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gaeboomering
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
A cop pulled me over. I thought it was probably because of the instagram model riding on top of my car

The cop arrested me for driving under the influencer

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AppliedChaos
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
I’m sure this isn’t original but I thought it wasn’t funny when I made it

https://imgur.com/gallery/6xrn4EV

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/69gay_satan69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
I thought of a good word to describe my hands yesterday.

Which was handy.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they'd be be gross, but they were actually pretty good! Turns out...

...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I never thought my son would steal road signals

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
Thought of this just now
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MRFAMER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
I thought of a great joke about the Ozone layer yesterday.

[depleted]

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
-thought this belonged here- MAN BUN
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I recognized that picture of cows from somewhere

turns out, it was a stock photo

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I thought we're supposed to isolate in order to "flatten the curve,"

but I'm only getting fatter.

-My dad

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zatosu_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
I’d never have thought a broken egg was so funny.

It really cracked me up.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LilPianoBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
I was sitting drinking coffee in my slippers this morning, when I thought to myself…

I really need to wash out the mugs...

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
Seeing such high unemployment rate, I thought of making a joke about unemployed people

but none of them worked...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
I had been lost in Las Vegas for days, wandering the streets. Up ahead, I thought I saw my hotel...

But it was a Mirage...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Thought process for this one was particularly long winded
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought taking a job as a ski instructor would be great.

But it really went downhill fast.

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenSeaBreeze
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
At first, I thought my haircut was too short.

But then it grew on me.

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I saw the headline β€œTrump Attacks WHO chief Over Criticisms of U.S. Approach to Coronavirus” and thought...

What the hell did Pete Townshend do?!?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TreyBien875
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
I thought the ocean was crabby.

But it was just being a little salty.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop singing β€œI’m A Believer” by the Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first, I thought she was kidding....

But then I saw her face.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
Thought this belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 333
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALivingCheese
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Thought this belonged here
πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought it was chin chong!
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
I thought my son was straight.

But then he got bi with a little help from his friends.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
I thought I would be happy with one new monitor

but one LED to another.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
I thought the toaster I bought was waterproof.

I was shocked when I learned the truth. I was revolted when my wife called me a liar and wanted proof.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/volochemfogbank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
I thought this could fit in here
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SushiWithoutSushi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
My grandma thought of this

Where did Noah keep the bees in the arkhive

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vereymuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Penny for your thoughts?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss thought the spacing in my report was weird

But I felt it was justified

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...

Then I saw her face!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/edotri
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a Believer."

Then I saw her face...

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paturious
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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