Thought I would toss this one in
I thought of a carpentry joke.
I just wasn’t sure if it woodwork.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I thought I'd try my hand at snail racing.
My thinking was that if I take their shells off, that they'd be lighter and quicker.
All it did was make them a bit sluggish.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
Thought this was pretty funny
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.
It was a queso mistaken identity.
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, I thought to myself,
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
Image belongs to cyanide and happiness it's not mine but thought you would enjoy it.
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
The set up sucks but I thought it was pretty smart
A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis
I finally thought of a clock joke
I got an email from Google saying "At Google Earth, we are able to read maps backwards!" and I thought;
Thought this would fit better here
Taken from cursed comments, thought it might fit here
Someone thought I was stupid and tried to explain what a sawhorse is
But I shut him down immediately because I'm well aware that it's the past tense of seahorse
I found a drawer with my old watches in it and thought it might be fun to make a belt from them.
I connected them all, but it turned out to be a waist of time.
I thought about making a belt of watches
Then I realised that it would be a waist of time.
My wife asked me what I thought of her carry-on luggage.
Thought this belonged here.
My girlfriend thought I'd never be able to make a car out of spaghetti…
You should've seen her confront when I drove pasta.
I'm having second thoughts about my appointment to stay at a Native American hotel.
I'm having reservation reservation reservation. (BR)
"Back so soon? I thought you went for a haircut, dad?" asked my son. "Well..." I replied. "My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused."
"I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions."
My dad said this to me when I was 6, he thought he was hilarious .
Did you know, when I was your age... I was six.
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly
Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom
I thought of a shredded cheese joke.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.
It’s currently half empty.
I thought I was Bad Dad
So I did a few tests. Turns out I could never be.
I never thought of it this way
I thought he was 'Eveready' for this
Mailman here, just starting my shift. Thought I would just..
Just came across a pun thread on r/dadjokes....thought it belonged here.Enjoy :)
When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that. But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:
I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated.
I thought today is a sad day.
But on hindsight, yesterday was sadderday.
I thought I won an argument with my wife on how to arrange the dining room furniture
But when I got home the tables were turned.
Got this from r/memes. Thought it belonged here.
“Poor old fool.” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”
I thought all the dolphins had died, but then I heard there are a lot of them.
I have a renewed sense of porpoise.
Penny for your thoughts on the coin shortage?
I can't make heads or tails of it. It just doesn't make cents. I guess the way people pay needs some change.
I thought my airplane joke would really take off
But instead it just crashed and burned
I thought orthopedic shoes were overrated.
How do you get rid of someone’s dirty thoughts?
My son thought males and females were practically the same...
I told him there was a vas deferens.
Unfortunately, my wife left me recently because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face...
(Adapted from a youtube comment)
The missus asked me if I thought of other women so i threw a glass of milk at her.
That's the last time we are ever playing truth or dairy.
My kid thought I should be impressed that she made a zero out of a twist tie.
I told her she’s 7, she should know that means nothing.
I thought I had an insect on my pants.
I introduce to you, my thoughts at 3AM
I thought I’d spice up my wardrobe.
I thought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig.
But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.
Thought I'd derail your day.
You know what's a scary thought?
I thought these surgical pants were mighty loose in the hips and long in the legs!
I thought it was a good dad joke.
My wife asked me to remove a spider this morning. I look up and reply "He's made his web, now he can sleep in it" - I got 'the look'
The thought of baking scares me
I thought this was amazing
My ex girlfriend had the laziest cat, she was so lazy I actually at one point thought it was dead.
Turned out it was just catatonic.
As I thought, the publisher of my book called "Bio" wants me to change the name. It figures...
That's the story of my life.
From my 9 year old son's shower thoughts
Mario Kart is a rally hard game
My friend told me to stop singing I’m a believer and I thought she was joking
As a colorblind man, i thought i saw red for the first time
Turns out it was only a pigment of my imagination
I wqs planning to make a joke about an aircraft's aerofoils, but then I thought...
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Whenever I have a pessimistic thought, I put some money in it.
it's currently half empty
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.
I thought about making dad jokes about star wars...
But I don't want to stoop Solo.
When I first got my haircut I thought it was too short
I’m proud of my son, I never thought he’d go so far
I thought I would never be able to sing along with other person
But, in the end, I was able to duet.
Thought this would fit here.
I thought I saw a crocodile in the laneway behind my house.
But then I saw him a bit later, so it must have been an alley-gator.
I thought there would be more training when I became a garbageman,
but you really just pick it up as you go
My friend thought I chucked a freshly eaten apple at his face.
I asked a Canadian what he thought about robots.
He said, "AI?"
I said, "Yes, you."
I needed to get my locks changed, but all the locksmiths were closed... I thought they were key workers?
I thought that it was a handmade tree
My wife thought I couldnt repair our garden bench.
I accidentally killed off my herb garden twice. As I replanted it yet again I thought to myself...
"Third thyme's a charm."
Based on a true story. Wife's eyeroll suggested this 100% belonged here.
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
I thought it would be better if i illustrated it.
3am thought: if a weighbridge somehow got stolen...
... would the police conduct a large scale search?
Thought of it. Then googled it to find this. So not original, but too good to not share.
I thought I overcame my Whitesnake addiction...
I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.
The Monkees are touring Switzerland and my wife threatened to leave me unless we flew out there to see them. I thought she was joking.......
Then I saw her face, Now we're in Geneva.
Food for thought... Tortilla and mascarilla rhyme in Spanish...
I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing “I'm a Believer”..
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood. He said, "everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself,
-thought this belonged here- MAN BUN
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway! ~ My youngest son thought of that all by himself!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...