I’ve recently started a dating app for chickens. It’s not my normal day job, ...
it’s just to make hens meet.
A pregnant horse can always run faster than a normal horse...
Because it has 2 horsepower.
I told the guy at the smoothie shop that he accidentally gave me the protein smoothie instead of the normal one.
He said no, there’s no whey.
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop in your pants, but he’s not buying it. In fact...
He’s still making fun of me...
Some people think that adding the letter "s" to inane is normal.
Not your normal format, but I have to share as I am pretty proud
For context I work in a prison as a nurse. The other nurses were looking up charges for one of the inmates and hes in for capital murder. One of the nurses asks, "Whats the difference between capital murder and just murder anyway?" to which I was quick to say "usually a bigger M"
I guess Ive been a dad too long now that it comes natural
Normal cat .....Meow...
Texan cat...... Meowdy...
When you said life would go back to normal after June...
Why don’t you ever see normal houses at night?
Because they turn into warehouses
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Normal people: "I need a hug". Me:
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?
The one for children has baby teeth
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
We should raise the Lego bricks and help them to a normal Level of Respect!
They have been stepped on for far too long.
Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.
Son: No I don’t like ghosts.
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
My 11yr old son just now: When does a normal joke become a dad joke?
Me: uh, when?
Son: When it’s apparent.
You know that air that is generated by helicopter rotors when they are spinning really fast? Did you know that it’s not normal air?
I don't tolerate people with less than normal toes.
Normal is just the same as average...
So if thats true then depending on where you are you would be of an average race, have average hair, etc.
And going down from that, alot of people have the same name, making certain names normal or "average".
What im saying is, thats a really complicated way to find the average Joe.
I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...
Nothing jumped out at me.
What do you call just one, normal potato?
I thought this was a normal comment then I read the end.....
Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?
Yes, it’s parkour the force.
I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Can’t you see I’m going crazy?!
A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.
My son told me couldn't hear people in normal conversation
So we got him a colloquial implant.
Normal back:
Normal back:
Degenerates over time
Suspect vertebra
Makes life beyond 30 a living hell
Backstreets back:
Alright
What do you call a circumcision that costed $20 more than normal ?
Why do witches not wear a normal hat?
Because there's no point in it.
I showed my Dad /r/dadjokes and he said, "I don't get it. These are just normal jokes."
What do you call normal milk?
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
The fact that my abs are normal is abnormal ...
A stammering guy murdered a person with a normal guy.. the normal guy was in prison for 10 years but the stammering guy was in prison for 20 years
Guess it takes stammering guys longer time to complete there sentences.
I am really quite a normal person. I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...
I've just started up a dating site for chickens. It's not my normal day job, I'm just doing it…
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants
but he's still making fun of me
You said everything would be back to normal after June...
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants…
But he’s not buying it.
In fact, he’s still making fun of me.
I tried to explain my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,
but he's still making fun of me.
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants
but he’s still poking fun at me.
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