I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there’s a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/omniwrench-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Normal people: "I need a hug". Me:

I'm hugry

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaze_no_saga
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a normal saw and a saw for children?

The one for children has baby teeth

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eduardboon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?

Shear size

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CascadePSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what kind of shoes sex offenders normally wear?

Creepy white vans.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
We should raise the Lego bricks and help them to a normal Level of Respect!

They have been stepped on for far too long.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_German_Memer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.

Son: No I don’t like ghosts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Braden-Morley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You said everything would be back to normal by the end of June...

July-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredwardofox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My 11yr old son just now: When does a normal joke become a dad joke?

Me: uh, when?

Son: When it’s apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolting-hutch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t normally tell dad jokes

But when I do. They laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Neuro-Muscle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderMuffin16
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
You know that air that is generated by helicopter rotors when they are spinning really fast? Did you know that it’s not normal air?

It’s helicopt-air

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/melanthius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants

but he's still making fun of me

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.

He did a lovely job of the landing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Messy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Normal is just the same as average...

So if thats true then depending on where you are you would be of an average race, have average hair, etc.

And going down from that, alot of people have the same name, making certain names normal or "average".

What im saying is, thats a really complicated way to find the average Joe.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdolmiosauce
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just started up a dating site for chickens. It's not my normal day job, I'm just doing it…

…to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 283
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't tolerate people with less than normal toes.

I'm lactose intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mukundan_chariar
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I mean normally the customer service at the chip shop is fine. But when there's huge lines and only a few teens working there? Then it's...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...

Nothing jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call just one, normal potato?

a Commontater.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GawdFro
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A bell curve walked into a plastic surgeon's office and said "Doctor, I don't like the way I look"

And the doctor said, "You look normal to me".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad once talked about the normalization of conspiracy theories around Covid-19

"Last week's tin," he said, "is this week's hat."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertWolf45
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend the comedian normally gets lots of applause after his act, but the last time it was nothing but boos...

He must have been having a bad har day.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought this was a normal comment then I read the end.....
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-EpsilonDelta-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to have a calendar that was normal except September 11 was made of sandpaper.

That was a rough day.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Just a normal workout
πŸ‘︎ 600
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?

Yes, it’s parkour the force.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, you have to talk normal and stop speaking in single letters. Can’t you see I’m going crazy?!

O I C U R

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shimmywaffles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Daryl say to Greg when four regular folks descend from a UFO?

I never expected to see pair a normal beings when I started studying alien aircraft, you follow, G?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt

I'll be going as a Casualty

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rewind44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My son told me couldn't hear people in normal conversation

So we got him a colloquial implant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This is the first year I'm not taking a vacation to Hawaii due to Covid.

Normally I don't go because I can't afford it.

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Normal back:

Normal back: Degenerates over time Suspect vertebra Makes life beyond 30 a living hell

Backstreets back: Alright

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gross04
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What type of pants should you wear ghost hunting?

I recommend a pair a normal jeans.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buttlerubbies2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I remixed a remix

It’s back to normal.

(Courtesy the late Mitch Hedberg)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone else notice

the Supreme Court has been more Ruthless than normal?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wilmadiqfit2266
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Down + high = normal?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lexaight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Normally I’m opposed to animal testing... v.redd.it/kqihq4er7oh31
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.

Just five more minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 408
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there's a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laserspewpew_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
You said everything would be back to normal after June...

JULYED!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t normally tell dad jokes

But when I do he laughs

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuriousSlayer73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants,

but he's still making fun of me.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smandalofficial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to explain to my four-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants…

But he’s not buying it.

In fact, he’s still making fun of me.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report

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