π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 08 2014
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
I was asked to scale a fish
sadly I didn't have any climbing equipment
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 23 2021
Why can't jedi use the Kelvin scale?
Because only a sith deals in absolutes
π︎ 190
π
︎ Mar 18 2021
What did the scale say to the person?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 06 2021
One for the intellectuals (and the kitchen-dwellers). Digital scales are so fragile.
I can tare them with one finger. I am SO sorry everyone have a great day.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, βHa! Thatβs not going to help!β
βSure, it does.β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.
Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"
"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
π︎ 43
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 25 2020
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Have you heard the joke about the electronic scale?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
Kitchen scale
My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.
Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"
I said "Because, we were weighing his options."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
To the person that stole my broken bathroom scale...
... You wonβt get a weigh with this!
π︎ 26
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
My son needed a history tutor, so I handed him some cereal and a scale
βTime to learn about Chex and balancesβ
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
My wife said on a scale of 1 to 10, she rates me an 11
I was so happy but then she told me it was a pH scale because Iβm basic as hell.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 16 2020
I kept asking my dad over and over what scales are used for
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Did you see my new talking scale?
It has a weigh with words.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
Models of dragons are not to scale
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 05 2020
How do you call a hipsterβs weighting scale?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
This morning I got on the scales to weigh myself...
my wife walked by and I sucked in my gut, she said "That won't help" I said "Yes it will, now I can see the numbers"
π︎ 85
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
What is the best temperature scale to use for the ocean?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Quarantine day 25: Found my husband working on the patio with his scroll saw. Yes. It's a scale model.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
Why should you eat your meals from a weighing scale?
So you can have a balanced diet.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 04 2020
What side of a fish has the most scales?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
Iβve been rating everyoneβs bathroom on a scale from one to ten. Iβve gotta say...
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
I bet the scale is feeling a little under the weather
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)
Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there
Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
How good are those fishy puns, on a scale from 1-10?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
Ms. Richie: Hey, remind me what comes after Do and Re on the musical scale?
Lionel: Hello, is it Mi you are looking for?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 26 2020
About a year ago, I had this friend named Uriah, who I called βUβ. I gave my old motorcycle to him, because I had just bought a new one. Soon thereafter, he put it on a scale.
Last Christmas, I gave Yamaha. But the very next day,
U gave it a weigh.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Dec 11 2019
Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?
Yes, itβs parkour the force.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
Hurricane Wind Scale
π︎ 975
π
︎ Aug 25 2018
My bathroom scale found...
Everything my 401k has lost!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
Came into the bathroom and my wife's Kindle was next to the toilet, sitting on the scale.
Must have been doing some light reading.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 01 2020
On a scale of 1 to 10...
...it's really hard to weigh yourself.
π︎ 59
π
︎ May 24 2019
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, βIs it to scale?β I replied, βNoβ¦β
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Nov 23 2020
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still donβt get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
π︎ 193
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.
Ha! Thatβs not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.
π︎ 90
π
︎ Aug 23 2020
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
My wife told me that the bathroom scales were broken. I said...
π︎ 78
π
︎ May 03 2020
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 30 2019
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, βYouβre an 8 on a scale of 10.β
I still donβt get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
π︎ 268
π
︎ Sep 16 2019
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...
βHaΒΒ! Thatβs not going to help,β she said.
βSure, it does,β I said. βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Dec 03 2016
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