Man-made Asteroid Belt. Astronomical scale pun, now available on earth. jasonruane.com/index.php/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/username-root
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
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I built a model of Mt.Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied "No."

"It's to look at. "

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
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I was asked to scale a fish

sadly I didn't have any climbing equipment

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newlife1025
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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Why can't jedi use the Kelvin scale?

Because only a sith deals in absolutes

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greencash370
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
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What did the scale say to the person?

Weight here.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Incognitj0e
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
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So this bank robber I know brings a bathroom scale with him to every heist.

He always gets a weigh.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictorStrawn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
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One for the intellectuals (and the kitchen-dwellers). Digital scales are so fragile.

I can tare them with one finger. I am SO sorry everyone have a great day.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Will_MMIV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, β€œHa! That’s not going to help!”

β€œSure, it does.” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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I was on the bathroom scales, sucking my stomach in.

Thinking I was trying to weigh less with this manouver, my wife commented, "I don't think that's going to help !!"

"Sure it does " I retorted "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Today morning when I stood on the weighing scale it didn't move at all

I was like 0MG

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oakvard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Banana for scale imgur.com/vWkEliR
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoBeefy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.

When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BLT5000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Have you heard the joke about the electronic scale?

It’s tareable

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiberoskiH
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Kitchen scale

My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.

Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"

I said "Because, we were weighing his options."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/machinehead-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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To the person that stole my broken bathroom scale...

... You won’t get a weigh with this!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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My son needed a history tutor, so I handed him some cereal and a scale

β€œTime to learn about Chex and balances”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncleIroh_MD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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My wife said on a scale of 1 to 10, she rates me an 11

I was so happy but then she told me it was a pH scale because I’m basic as hell.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.

"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I kept asking my dad over and over what scales are used for

He said weight

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieTom02
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Did you see my new talking scale?

It has a weigh with words.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Models of dragons are not to scale
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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How do you call a hipster’s weighting scale?

An insta-grammer

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVinceee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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This morning I got on the scales to weigh myself...

my wife walked by and I sucked in my gut, she said "That won't help" I said "Yes it will, now I can see the numbers"

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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What is the best temperature scale to use for the ocean?

Shellsius

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyMo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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Quarantine day 25: Found my husband working on the patio with his scroll saw. Yes. It's a scale model.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cynthiaimprov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Why should you eat your meals from a weighing scale?

So you can have a balanced diet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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What side of a fish has the most scales?

The outside.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3Gums
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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I’ve been rating everyone’s bathroom on a scale from one to ten. I’ve gotta say...

Urinate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tswart92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I bet the scale is feeling a little under the weather
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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How good are those fishy puns, on a scale from 1-10?
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00eleven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Ms. Richie: Hey, remind me what comes after Do and Re on the musical scale?

Lionel: Hello, is it Mi you are looking for?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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About a year ago, I had this friend named Uriah, who I called β€œU”. I gave my old motorcycle to him, because I had just bought a new one. Soon thereafter, he put it on a scale.

Last Christmas, I gave Yamaha. But the very next day, U gave it a weigh.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?

Yes, it’s parkour the force.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Hurricane Wind Scale
πŸ‘︎ 975
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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My bathroom scale found...

Everything my 401k has lost!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROVengineer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Came into the bathroom and my wife's Kindle was next to the toilet, sitting on the scale.

Must have been doing some light reading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/three_rs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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On a scale of 1 to 10...

...it's really hard to weigh yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, β€œIs it to scale?” I replied, β€œNo…”

β€œIt’s to look at.”

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...

She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
I bought a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"

I replied, "NO!! It's to look at."

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach.

Ha! That’s not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. Its the only way I can see the numbers.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBigReeeeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My wife told me that the bathroom scales were broken. I said...

No way.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

πŸ‘︎ 268
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...

β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
🚨︎ report

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