Mohs scale pun

In science class we did a mohs scale project. Basically I drew a dude saying β€œwelcome to moh’s”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allstarhi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Man-made Asteroid Belt. Astronomical scale pun, now available on earth. jasonruane.com/index.php/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/username-root
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
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When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, β€œHa! That’s not going to help!”

β€œSure, it does.” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
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This morning I got on the scales to weigh myself...

my wife walked by and I sucked in my gut, she said "That won't help" I said "Yes it will, now I can see the numbers"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
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Models of dragons are not to scale
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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My wife told me that the bathroom scales were broken. I said...

No way.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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I’ve been rating everyone’s bathroom on a scale from one to ten. I’ve gotta say...

Urinate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tswart92
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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Quarantine day 25: Found my husband working on the patio with his scroll saw. Yes. It's a scale model.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cynthiaimprov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
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Ms. Richie: Hey, remind me what comes after Do and Re on the musical scale?

Lionel: Hello, is it Mi you are looking for?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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I bet the scale is feeling a little under the weather
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wtflagnard
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
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My bathroom scale found...

Everything my 401k has lost!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROVengineer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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How good are those fishy puns, on a scale from 1-10?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00eleven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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Came into the bathroom and my wife's Kindle was next to the toilet, sitting on the scale.

Must have been doing some light reading.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/three_rs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
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Is it normal for a Jedi to scale walls and obstacles with ease?

Yes, it’s parkour the force.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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About a year ago, I had this friend named Uriah, who I called β€œU”. I gave my old motorcycle to him, because I had just bought a new one. Soon thereafter, he put it on a scale.

Last Christmas, I gave Yamaha. But the very next day, U gave it a weigh.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, β€œYou’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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A chubby Mandalorian steps on the scale at the doctor's office. The nurse reads it and says, "215 lbs." Mando sternly replies "180 pounds..."

"this is the weigh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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When I die, I want a scale present at the will reading, because where there's a will, there's a weigh.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huskermdl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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On a scale of 1 to 10...

...it's really hard to weigh yourself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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The crowd watched in suspense as the man attempted to scale the building whilst eating an apple

They feared he may have bitten off more than he could chew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucaewings27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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I asked my wife what she thought of my peeing skills, on a scale of 1-10...

She said β€œurinate”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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On a scale of 1 to 10, I would rate today

A solid 10/10

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πŸ‘€︎ u/worldcup09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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I asked my friend to rate my listening skills and he said, "You're an 8 on a scale of 10"

Really don't understand why he told me to urinate on a skeleton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDPhoenix-8632
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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My left me while I was on a scale.

I weighted for a long time

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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******The Hunchshaq of Notre Dame***** (Frame from the YouTube video β€œshaq eats a hot wing content aware scale”)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeclanKav18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Hurricane Wind Scale
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!

Me: Today was an awful day at work

Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it

Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mfitzy87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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Glasses for scale
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psychopac3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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Normally my electronic scale shows a number, like "205". But today when I checked my weight, it just said "Low".

So I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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What is the scale for blood-alcohol content in drivers called?

The DUI Decimal System

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unastronaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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On a scale from "I can't believe it's not butter" to "that's definitely butter"

I'd say my day could have been butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TahLoow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I looked for my scales but they'd been stolen...

I was like, no weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gl0ven0r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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To the person that stole my broken bathroom scale,..

You won’t get a weigh with this!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Will my idea of putting scales in the ocean be a success?

Just weight and sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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I just made sure my son inherits our bathroom scale after I die.

Because where there’s a will, there’s a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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A woman sees her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

β€œYou know that’s not going to help, right?” she asks. β€œSure, it will,” he says. β€œIt’s the only way I’ll be able to see the numbers.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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My football teammate asked me, β€œOn a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”

I gave him a high five.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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My scale is always so mean to me

No matter how much weight I lose, it keeps calling me gross.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dymmesdale
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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My job is making sure that the cow weighing scales are accurate

You could say my position is tare-a-bull

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Banana for scale
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sps77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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Here's a joke about stepping on a scale

Weight for it..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-CrestiaBell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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I've started eating my meals from scales instead of a plate...

I'm aiming for a well balanced diet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I didn’t sell my scales today

I just gave them a weigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eeeee48
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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I sold a scale the other day

I got a banana for it. So you you could say i got a banana for scale

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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Survey Dad: "If we ranked dad-jokes on a scale of 1 to 10, would you rank this one a '10'?"

German Dad: "Nein."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phrawstt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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To remove scale from the bath, acid works much better than a base

I'm not gonna lye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/upliv2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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My friends love rating my wife’s butt on a numerical scale...

I find it pretty assinine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pkenney20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Did you ever try to learn Mohs Scale in School?

Man, parts of it are really hard!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turdbogls
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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I asked my dad where he put my scale.

He said he put it a-weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheN00bBuilder
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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Have you heard the joke about the electronic scale?

It’s tare-able

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gotBEER
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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β€œTo my son, who suffered through countless Dad jokes, I leave my bathroom scale.”

Because where there is a will, there is a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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I'd have to rate this pun on a sliding scale [xpost from /r/musicmemes]
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zonination
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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Another type of goodbye (look close and sea the scale reference to a oven worse pun from earlier)
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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A handsome lizard could be a scale model.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
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I told my dad I was disappointed that the woman who tried to scale the statue of liberty only made it to the feet...

He said you call that a climbing defeat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guavacadus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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What do you call someone who runs around a laboratory resetting scales in the middle of an experiment?

A tare-orist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/etrmedia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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The cast of Stranger Things was told to rate The Office on a scale from 1 to 10

It was given an 8 and 1/2 by Eleven

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodStevening
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2018
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What is it like to see a beautiful person stand on a scale?

It’s pretty depressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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On a scale of 0 to 1

I'm too funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasberryshy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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I took a photo of my friend Lee, printed it out at x2 scale and stuck it on the side of the building,

Largely for comedic purposes.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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A photogenic snake could be an actual size scale model.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
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With these posts about fish scales, I thought I'd mention how this fish scales trees
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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She kept getting on and off the scale confused, and this went on for 7 minutes. (x-post from /r/funny) imgur.com/14WGL5C
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notyouraverage_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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My fat dad used the scale today

and he said "new high score, enter name"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masongr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2015
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Don't forget to set your scales back 10 lbs tonight!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maybesco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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Dadjoked on a planetary scale

6 year-old daughter: "Daddy, what is Neptune?"
Me: "It's the music you listen to when you take a little sleep in the afternoon, of course!"
8 year-old son, science-fan, face-palming: "Oh, dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/istrebitjel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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Bananas for scale (x-post /r/funny)

http://i.imgur.com/S41z9Y3.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjabassist777
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
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I told my dad today "I'm going on a diet, I just weighed myself I nearly fell of the scale when I saw what I weighed!"

He said, "That sounds a balance problem and not a weight problem."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KajiKaji
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2016
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I passed my husband a piece of ginger to weigh on the scale...

My husband dropped it, and a nearby stranger shouted ,"you better handle that gingerly!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dayzsurvivor1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
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The importance of scales.

My mom's boyfriend and I were talking about weighing the new kittens and I walked into a joke.

Him: Put her on the weighing scale.

Me: What do scales do besides weighing things?

Him: Protect lizards and snakes..

Me: ...

Him: And make fish pretty.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohhoneyno_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
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She kept getting on and off the scale confused, and this went on for 7 minutes. m.imgur.com/14WGL5C
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/terex232
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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For scale

http://youtu.be/xJo1WVTjaB0

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spore2012
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...

β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach...

β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach

β€œHaΒ­Β­! That’s not going to help,” she said.

β€œSure, it does,” I said. β€œIt’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinzaArshad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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