My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.

It was a joint operation

πŸ‘οΈŽ 139
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/333iamhalfevil
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Farmer milks his profits from cows

How dairy

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SwampFox525
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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I've started buying restaurants and reselling them for a profit

I call it meal estate.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/emu404
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2021
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Diabetes medication has a profit margin close to 1000%

Now that's just Insul(t)in'

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"

She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shdchko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2020
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Which industry makes the most significant portion of its profits through a cash cow?

Big Farmer

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oceanchimp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
"Crash Course."
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/whyyoutookmyname
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2020
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Why are all convents non-profit organizations?

Because nun of them are in it for the money.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JemTAll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 20 2020
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i got a good one..: how did the non-profit sex worker advertise herself??

.."nut for sell"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2020
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My street light fixing business closed two months after it opened because it was not profitable

Too much overhead

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cloud9ineteen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 14 2020
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My professor makes all the students buy his book at the beginning of the term to make some profit.

It’s textbook Economics.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2020
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Drug cartels have been turning to toilet paper instead of narcotics for profits.

I guess you can say the crack has been wiped out clean

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2020
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Your Indian restaurant is naan profit?

My Vietnamese is pho profit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fingerofblame
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2017
🚨︎ report
What was Apple's most profitable iPhone?

The iPhone sixcess

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GreenAppleTurtle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2020
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A local cake factory was just robbed

They took a huge slice of the profits

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/argotrevor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
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A local baker decided he could increase production and profits by putting bread in the oven for half the usual time.

His half-baked scheme didn't work out the way he had planned.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 195
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vandorbelt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2017
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Jumping for profit

Dad: [pointing up at tall trees] β€œSee those trees? Kid: β€œyeah?” Dad: β€œHow much will you give me if I take off my shoes and jump over them?” Kid: [looking up at the trees] β€œThere’s no way! A billion dollars!!!” Dad: [takes off shoes, puts them on the ground in front of him, jumps over shoes] β€œPay up!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smartasskicker
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why isn't the candle factory more profitable?

Because they only make a few scents

Edit: reworded by request

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/michaelc84
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

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πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A company that performs tests on urine samples turned a large profit in the last several months

They had a great piss-cal year

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AnthMaster7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new non-profit public service droid?

501-C3PO

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/headexpl0dy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2019
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A month ago I was kidnapped because my husband is a wealthy landowner. It turns out, all the kidnappers wanted was one of his quarries. It's a very profitable quarry, to be sure, but still.

Now I know what it feels like to be taken for granite.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/--Koko--
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are churches non-profit organizations?

All they do is talk about Jesus, you think they would be for-prophet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kanglar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2018
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Eddy Grant has started a very profitable energy provider for homes

Have you seen his Electric Revenue?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2019
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My dairy farmer friend is always complaining about his low profit margins.

I think he’s milking it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2019
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Our local bakery is profiting so much.

Only because they're all about the dough.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ianlucky13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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What's the difference between the government and the mafia?

The mafia can turn a profit!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dudebrostien
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Profit Margins [x-post] imgur.com/gallery/ydVyXN9
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/agisten
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I got the words β€œjacuzzi” and β€œyakuza” confused.

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2018
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How hospitals profit

Dad: Patience is a virtue, especially for Hospitals, that’s how they make their money

Me: OH MY GOD!

My father told me this joke while I was in the ER.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/abcxyz098
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A financial analyst is a profit prophet
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Randomtngs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2018
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During Coronavirus, always pay businesses with cash where possible.

It will help them make a gross profit.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joshzyx612
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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What do you call a soothsayer in it for the money?

A profit!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Diet programs can be very profitable.

They appeal to a very wide audience.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Growing marijuana and raising cattle simultaneously is pretty risky but can be very profitable

It’s a high steaks business model

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/garboooge
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Female monasteries are nun-profit.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zylvian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2017
🚨︎ report
After some brainstorming, I think I picked a really great name for my band: Lost Profits
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OneBaadHombre
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2017
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If you're a successful web designer, every margin is a profit margin
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JimmyJunkJunk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was Pee Wee's Playhouse such a profitable movie?

The studio had Large Margins

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/windblast
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2017
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I'm doing some data analysis reports for a non profit organization

Or in other words BI-NGO

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BHappy317
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2017
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Atheism

is a non-prophet organization!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sexxc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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Non-Profit Salaries

My dad was talking about salaries of non profit CEOs.

Me:how much does the Alzheimer's association CEO get paid

Dad: he makes 2.7 million a year.

Dad: but I bet they forgot how much they paid him.

Me:facepalm

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Awwik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2015
🚨︎ report
This kid at the school assembly is my hero

Context: Our school was having a presentation at assembly from Together for Humanity - "a multi-faith not-for-profit organisation that is helping schools, organisations and communities to respond effectively to differences of culture and belief". The presenters were an orthodox Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and an atheist.

When they asked for questions at the end, my new hero asked "Have you ever gone to a bar together?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/D-Nizzle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Most Indian restaurants are naan profit.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 158
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Navin_R_Johnson79
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Most Indian restaurants are naan profit.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/albiedam
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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