His Outlook is not too good
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📅︎ May 06 2021
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Why is Microsoft Outlook no good for communication?

Because Out Look is the opposite of In Touch.

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📅︎ Jul 31 2020
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Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

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📅︎ Jun 16 2020
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What do you call a sweet person with a negative outlook?

A pepsimist

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👤︎ u/trevb75
📅︎ Aug 19 2020
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people dying in hospitals often have such positive outlooks on what they can do.

Whenever I ask if they can do something it's always "Can sir."

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📅︎ Jun 05 2020
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This changed my outlook on puns.
👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Oct 04 2017
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What to you call a rabbit with a great outlook on life...

A hop-timist...

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📅︎ Apr 03 2019
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Thought of a good one while at work today (slightly morbid depending on your outlook)

I work in the claims department at a life insurance company. A recent addition to our department mentioned that she had an insured who died from a bowel obstruction. I couldn't help but say: "Sounds like a real shitty way to go..."

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📅︎ Apr 30 2014
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Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...

But Bill kept the Windows

👍︎ 12k
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👤︎ u/ScubaPride
📅︎ May 05 2021
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To the person who stole my MS Office License.

I will find you. You have my Word.

👍︎ 8k
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👤︎ u/Regclusive
📅︎ May 03 2021
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

👍︎ 216
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👤︎ u/beej2000
📅︎ Mar 05 2021
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.   Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.   However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.    The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!   My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.   I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.   At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.    He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.    I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.    Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!   Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!   At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 7
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👤︎ u/terjulmar
📅︎ May 05 2021
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About bill and melinda

So, Bill and Melinda Gates are getting a divorce She gets the house and He gets the Windows!

According to Melinda Gates, Bill just didn't Excel at his marriage. Apparently he had no Power Points while arguing, but he always had to have the last Word And now that he no longer had Access to her heart, the Outlook was not looking good for them. They couldn’t work together as Teams On the Surface they were a perfect couple, but deep down there was hardly any Kinect. He kept everything hidden like an X-Box and she never found it re- Azuring. The main reason she divorced Bill Gates because he was in Office365 days.

👍︎ 14
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👤︎ u/sq009
📅︎ May 06 2021
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My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

👍︎ 13k
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📅︎ Aug 16 2020
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Microsoft note-d
👍︎ 5k
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👤︎ u/Bongnazi
📅︎ Mar 29 2020
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Someone stole my copy of Microsoft Office!

I dont know who you are, but I WILL get you for this. You have my Word.

👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/kriskidd21
📅︎ Dec 06 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

👍︎ 11k
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📅︎ Nov 12 2019
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Why did the hacker send viruses by email?

He wanted to give people a positive Outlook.

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📅︎ Mar 02 2021
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Microsoft has taught children how to work and how to form a great pun sequence.
👍︎ 7k
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👤︎ u/Gboy7373
📅︎ Jan 26 2019
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As a child a friend hit my left eyeball with hammer once

It has really impacted my outlook on life

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👤︎ u/Dulonko
📅︎ Dec 24 2020
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Pun intended
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📅︎ Oct 02 2019
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My wife emailed me the pictures of our first date together, but I couldn’t open any of the files.

I have serious emotional attachment issues.

👍︎ 182
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📅︎ Jul 08 2019
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My wife told me she'd leave me if I don't stop making Microsoft puns, and I need some advice

I immediately left my Office and tried explaining myself. Sure, on the Surface I do it often, but I think it Works. It's not just about Word play, either; my Outlook on life helps me Excel. She and I have such a great Team Foundation, I Azure you. I wanted to Exchange my thoughts with her, so we could work with OneDrive. I looked her right in the Windows of her soul, to Access the deepest parts of her heart, and told her I loved her. Completely on Edge, I awaited her answer...

PowerPoint of the story is: does anyone know of a good divorce lawyer?

👍︎ 9k
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📅︎ Aug 21 2018
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If I make any more jokes about spreadsheets...

...I'll be locked in a cell

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📅︎ Jul 23 2019
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Will glass coffins become popular?

Remains to be seen.

👍︎ 19
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👤︎ u/norrisrw
📅︎ May 11 2019
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Why did the Magic 8-ball call tech support?

Outlook not good.

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👤︎ u/RuroniHS
📅︎ Mar 15 2020
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Rolling in my grave
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📅︎ Jul 06 2018
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Upgrading to the latest version of Microsoft Office can cure your depression.

It really improves your Outlook.

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👤︎ u/Perrin42
📅︎ Oct 23 2019
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I applied to work at Microsoft...

I told them I Excelled in the Office and had a positive Outlook on life. I also try to be an Explorer of new ideas, and always keep my Word.

👍︎ 126
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👤︎ u/TakaComics
📅︎ Aug 24 2016
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I asked my magic 8-ball which email client to use. It told me...

Outlook not so good.

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📅︎ Aug 01 2018
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In the Microsoft Office

I OneDrive to it every morning. I enjoy the great Outlook over the city there.

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👤︎ u/mozi_h
📅︎ Feb 28 2018
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 36
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📅︎ Aug 27 2016
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I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought I’d come up with a great one.

But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.

👍︎ 18
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👤︎ u/T33NW01F
📅︎ Jan 14 2021
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To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you

You have my word

👍︎ 179
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📅︎ Aug 12 2020
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Interviewer: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"

Me: "I Excel at it."

Interviewer: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

👍︎ 28
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👤︎ u/dandan_56
📅︎ Oct 08 2020
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To the person who stole my Microsoft Office

I will find you, you have my Word!

👍︎ 68
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👤︎ u/Harel2710
📅︎ Aug 02 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word'

👍︎ 749
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📅︎ Apr 05 2020
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office:

I will find you. You have my Word!

👍︎ 205
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👤︎ u/Anam_Cara
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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Someone stole my Microsoft Office, and they're going to pay.

You have my word

👍︎ 98
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📅︎ Mar 15 2020
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you...

You have my Word.

👍︎ 821
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📅︎ Mar 05 2019
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To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

👍︎ 10k
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👤︎ u/trailgumby
📅︎ Sep 23 2017
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- Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Nov 05 2017
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To the person that stole my Microsoft Office license, I will find you

You have my Word.

👍︎ 548
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📅︎ May 02 2018
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Microsoft released something

I just got word

(First joke be gentle)

👍︎ 18
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📅︎ May 24 2019
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Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down...

You have my Word.

👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Jan 29 2017
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To whoever stole my Microsoft office

I will find you, you have my word

👍︎ 18
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👤︎ u/UkuSw0w
📅︎ Jul 18 2019
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Conversation with my boss

Boss: are you any good at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Is that a Microsoft joke?

Me: Word

👍︎ 165
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👤︎ u/Martycus
📅︎ May 25 2018
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!
👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Mar 24 2019
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Why did the Magic 8-Ball call tech support?

Outlook not good...

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/RuroniHS
📅︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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