Optimism has its perks
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👤︎ u/Acastamphy
📅︎ May 09 2020
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How do you optimize a pair brainstorm?

You blow into you partners ear

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👤︎ u/Jacob_Orehoj
📅︎ Nov 02 2020
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Sleep experts reckon that in order to stay optimally healthy, you need "6-8 hours a day".

That's me buggered then, my day has 24 hours.

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👤︎ u/vbloke
📅︎ Oct 27 2020
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What do you call a perfect submarine?

Sub-optimal.

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👤︎ u/bad-alloc
📅︎ May 28
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My girlfriend said, “I’m sick of it. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!”

I said, “But wait, I can change!”

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jul 25 2020
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I have discovered the optimal ratio of cabbage to mayo!

And I shall name it Cole's law

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👤︎ u/dretland
📅︎ Dec 23 2017
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My first homegrown dad joke. What do you call a low energy laser?

Lazy.

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📅︎ Feb 13 2019
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What is the best time on the clock?

It has to be 6:30, hands down.

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👤︎ u/23Flavour5
📅︎ May 28 2017
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What you call a potato and an ear of corn driving a police car?

Starchy and Husk

Edit: I thought this one up in the shower this morning and originally posted it on r/jokes but I realized this is the optimal place to put it.

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👤︎ u/AlucardNoir
📅︎ Apr 15 2018
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I read an interesting article recently...

Apparently, Alaskan racing dogs perform optimally when they consume non-meat products mid-run; needless to say, this has caused a great change in tactics. A lot of it is untested, but a few dogs are going through trials to see how various types of fungi impact their speeds. The training facility was just built; they call it the "mush room."

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👤︎ u/FKDSOfficial
📅︎ Jan 29 2014
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Redditculous pun

I was in class, and we were learning about plotting optimization. The professor was drawing lines on the grid, and he wanted to highlight a specific area on the graph. After he went over them a few times, I turned to my friend and said "the plot thickens".

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📅︎ Jun 14 2014
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I bet the Department of Defense gives the low-quality rations to submarines.

After all, they're sub-optimal.

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👤︎ u/i-kant_even
📅︎ Mar 30 2017
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Dad thought his nose was running

[For optimal effect, say out loud.]

I thought my nose was running, but it's not.

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👤︎ u/groenekaas
📅︎ Jan 10 2014
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