A list of puns related to "Candide"
Electile dysfunction
Pole workers aren't allowed to do that!
Theyβre all Libra-rals
Maybe if you were choppeded into smaller pieces.
They're in pole position
Is it an Ad Homonym attack?
But the committee assured them it was just natural selection!
One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.
My cap would fall over my eyes!!
Heβs remarkable.
Because I might vote for it...
I went to a grocery store down the street for the sole purpose of getting a big bag of Chex mix. The cashier rang me up and said,
βYou want a bag for that Chex mix?β
I replied, βthatβs okay. Itβs already in a bagβ
He either didnβt get it or didnβt think it was funny but I was very pleased with myself.
He made the cut!
They both enjoy Al Gore rhythms
Marc O'Rubio.
Unpresidented.
It would be hard to beat the first candidate to get an endorsement from Lincoln.
which candidate has the best vision.
So there I was working on a small project; I make signs and was working on something for a local election candidate. The client wanted small plastic fans with a pic of her on sticks for her upcoming rally. 300 of them. Our plotter wasn't able to trace them out so I'm hand cutting 300 plastic pieces. My boss walks in, and I say "Man this is gonna take all day." and he replies "Well, looks like you got your work cut out for you today." And walks off.
>Me: Dad, I just got a new job and the only applicants were me, myself, and I.
>Dad: So you were the best candidate.
>Me: Well no, Me and Myself declined the job, so of course I took it.
I am to young to be a dad.
A good friend of mine walked in and told me that he had to study for an algorithms final exam in the morning.
I responded that I heard that class wasn't very difficult, isn't that just a class where former presidential candidate Al Gore shows up and lays down some beats for a few minutes?
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