What is it called when Matt Damon goes thrift shopping?
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...
Now I can't read anything.
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
When I go grocery shopping, I always buy one pear
And then demand a second one, due to false advertising
Shopping for a Baby monitor
While shopping for school supplies I came across a pen that can write underwater.
It can write other words as well.
I was out shopping and dropped my glass of pickles
I called for the janitor and told him it was kind of a big dill
Where do Sith Lords go shopping?
What are you called if you are shopping at an Apple store when it’s robbed?
I am shopping for a new oven.
I want to get one that comes pre-heated.
Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.
The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.
While shopping my wife stopped in the make-up section to buy concealer but couldn’t find any.
I now understand why she said it’s the best product on the market.
Where does Brutus do his grocery shopping?
My wife and I were shopping for clothes at the department store when she asked, "Do you prefer boxers or briefs?"
Where do Siths go shopping?
A man's son entered a raffle to win the deed to an entire shopping plaza.
The son's ticket number wasn't the one picked to win. Despondently, the son told the results to his dad. In an effort to console him, his dad replied..."Well, sorry son, but you can't win the mall."
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
[OC] death goes grocery shopping
I don't like how shopping centres are so similar..
You see one, you've seen a mall.
Old shopping malls never die…
They just get de-mall-ished.
What do you call a shopping alien?
A Wal-Martian.
(My daughter made that one up.)
Dog Turd Shopping Spree
Kids were out in the yard cleaning up their dogs landmines with a scooper and putting it in a wheelbarrow.
Middle daughter (Pushing wheelbarrow) : Mom, it's like a cart for poops.
Wife : It's a shopping cart for doggie poops.
Me (Looks wife like shes lost her mind) : Jesus woman, HOW MUCH SHIT DID YOU BUY ?
Right over the kids' heads.
E* Spelling.
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
I went shopping for my son’s back to school clothes. We went over the list when I got back home.
Shirts? Yup.
Pants? Yup.
Sweatpants? Yup.
Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
Why did the city support the music hall being repurposed as a shopping mall?
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
What fish goes on the biggest shopping sprees?
Why did the naked guy go Black Friday shopping?
Because the underpants were a 100% off.
I tried to quell a disagreement between me and my girlfriend in the shopping mall. But by the time we got to the second level we were shouting at each other.
In retrospect we shouldn’t have been on that escalator.
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
Don't buy foie gras when you go shopping!
It's always best de-livered.
I went shopping at Coles to buy Mayonnaise, but they said it was illegal to buy without cabbage and carrots.
I had to take dad shopping for pants....
When asked how they fit he replied: "like a cheaply made castle, no ballroom".
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
“Dad, we hate when you do the grocery shopping because you always buy the cheapest lunch meat you can find.”
I went window shopping today.
Whenever I joke about online shopping
I always make sure it's guaranteed delivery.
I went shopping today and bought a mirror.
I could see myself using it.
I don’t usually go grocery shopping, so when my mom asked to buy lettuce, I had to tell myself to romaine calm
My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list .
Now I can't read anything .
My wife asked me to put ketchup in the shopping list
Now I can't read anything.
My Wife Asked Me To Put Ketchup On The Shopping List
Now I can't read any of it
My wife asked me to put Ketchup on the shopping list ..
But now I can't read anything.
How about those shopping centers?
You've seen one, you've seen 'em-all
Shopping centers, you've seen one
Once you've seen one shopping center...
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