My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...
Now I can't read anything.
Shopping for a Baby monitor
Where do Sith Lords go shopping?
Where does Brutus do his grocery shopping?
What are you called if you are shopping at an Apple store when it’s robbed?
Where do Siths go shopping?
My wife and I were shopping for clothes at the department store when she asked, "Do you prefer boxers or briefs?"
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
A man's son entered a raffle to win the deed to an entire shopping plaza.
The son's ticket number wasn't the one picked to win. Despondently, the son told the results to his dad. In an effort to console him, his dad replied..."Well, sorry son, but you can't win the mall."
Old shopping malls never die…
They just get de-mall-ished.
What do you call a shopping alien?
A Wal-Martian.
(My daughter made that one up.)
Dog Turd Shopping Spree
Kids were out in the yard cleaning up their dogs landmines with a scooper and putting it in a wheelbarrow.
Middle daughter (Pushing wheelbarrow) : Mom, it's like a cart for poops.
Wife : It's a shopping cart for doggie poops.
Me (Looks wife like shes lost her mind) : Jesus woman, HOW MUCH SHIT DID YOU BUY ?
Right over the kids' heads.
E* Spelling.
When I go shopping for brow pencils, I never know what I want
How about those shopping centers?
You've seen one, you've seen 'em-all
I went shopping for my son’s back to school clothes. We went over the list when I got back home.
Shirts? Yup.
Pants? Yup.
Sweatpants? Yup.
Nikes? CHECK!
Edit: Grammar
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
What fish goes on the biggest shopping sprees?
I went shopping at Coles to buy Mayonnaise, but they said it was illegal to buy without cabbage and carrots.
[OC] death goes grocery shopping
I don't like how shopping centres are so similar..
You see one, you've seen a mall.
I tried to quell a disagreement between me and my girlfriend in the shopping mall. But by the time we got to the second level we were shouting at each other.
In retrospect we shouldn’t have been on that escalator.
Why did the naked guy go Black Friday shopping?
Because the underpants were a 100% off.
Don't buy foie gras when you go shopping!
It's always best de-livered.
Why did the city support the music hall being repurposed as a shopping mall?
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
Whenever I joke about online shopping
I always make sure it's guaranteed delivery.
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
I went window shopping today.
I had to take dad shopping for pants....
When asked how they fit he replied: "like a cheaply made castle, no ballroom".
“Dad, we hate when you do the grocery shopping because you always buy the cheapest lunch meat you can find.”
I went shopping today and bought a mirror.
I could see myself using it.
I went shopping at a cherry stand and then a microphone store.
Bought a Bing. Bought a boom.
They say to never go shopping for food when you’re hungry...
It’s been a week already and I'm just getting hungrier and hungrier.
Why do I hate shopping for paddles when they're 50% off?
It's just too much of an oar deal.
I don’t usually go grocery shopping, so when my mom asked to buy lettuce, I had to tell myself to romaine calm
Wife told me to say something if I stopped to look at stuff while shopping.
“Something!”, I yelled at her.
Warning: use at your own risk. I was smacked with a flip flop.
Well I was doing speedy shopping, until I stopped and had hat to break to see this. Quality puns at the mall.
I was going grocery shopping this morning. They told me latex gloves and a face mask was enough. So i go in the store and what do i see?
The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!
Somebody stopped me the other day in the shopping center and said "oh, sorry, i thought you were someone else" .
2 bananas shopping in Walmart; first banana says ‘I dare you to shoplift that ham’
Second banana says ‘no way, I’m not doing that!’
First banana says ‘why? You yellow?’
I was tool shopping yesterday, and happened to walk by the stud-finders.
The noise was unbearable.
My wife asked me to put ketchup in the shopping list
Now I can't read anything.
My Wife Asked Me To Put Ketchup On The Shopping List
Now I can't read any of it
My wife asked me to put Ketchup on the shopping list ..
But now I can't read anything.
Shopping centers, you've seen one
Once you've seen one shopping center...
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