Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
Grocery stores are now carrying gluten-free beef.
It's made from cattle that have Silly Yaks' disease.
Went to the grocery store and asked for 3 pounds of potatoes. "We don't have pounds", the grocer stated, "only kilos".
Annoyed, I went, "fine. I'll take 3 pounds of kilos then".
Why dont grocery stores sell clothing?
Because they don't know what the woolworths.
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
A true story: My boyfriend and I were in the dairy aisle of the grocery store. He tosses a pack of sliced cheese into the cart it ricochets and falls to the floor. “Kobe!” I shout. “No.” He says in a disappointed tone...
I saw a lobster escape a grocery store tank
Police were called to the local grocery store today
A man walked into the produce section and took a leek.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Did you see that guy destroying snacks at the grocery store?
I heard he's on the Chex offender list.
I was at the grocery store the other day getting flour
When a guy walks up next to me and grabs some yeast.
So I said, "A man of culture, I see!"
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.
I asked my daughter if we needed anything at the grocery store. She said "Soy Sauce."
I replied: "Ola Sauce, Soy Dad."
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I was shopping at the grocery store like it was 1999. That’s when I realized the party was over...
Oops, they were out of thyme.
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of sprite from the grocery store.
I realised when I got home I picked 7up.
While paying for groceries at a local store ,they had reusable shopping bags with the breast cancer awareness ribbon on them with a handwritten sign that said $.99 for a better tomorrow.
I asked the young girl at the register "If I buy this and don't have a better tomorrow can I return it for a refund?"
There was a sale on citrus fruit at the grocery store...
It's for a lime-eted time only!
Recent Trip to the Grocery Store
I was just in a checkout line at the grocery store and the man behind me was going on and on in broken English about being from some Neo-Mediterranean superpower. He got my attention, pointed to a newspaper above the belt, and asked what it was. I replied “It’s the Times, New Roman.”
[Grocery Store] “Ok. Milk..check. Bread...check. Bacon..check.”
Cashier: Sir, please stop writing checks for each item separately.
[OC] death goes grocery shopping
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
My wife: I gotta run to the grocery store after work
Me: wouldn’t it be easier to drive?
My wife: ....it was funny the first 100 times.
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
I was helping my wife carry the grocery bags inside the house. All of the sudden she gets mad at me and says to carry more stuff.
I mean I would carry more but my hands were tide.
Found at the grocery store
How do Russians get their groceries delivered?
Mom told me to pickup the groceries
but I'm not a shoplifter.
What do you get when you combine a grocery store and a clothing store?
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
“Dad, we hate when you do the grocery shopping because you always buy the cheapest lunch meat you can find.”
Just heard a grocery store manager telling off a young guy on the checkout. “Why’d you ask that woman with kids for ID? What was she buying?”
Grocery delivery just dropped off this huge onion.
Picture of onion
I don't know what to do with it. I am going to cry.
That is so not appealing. I am left fuming. I may go into a vegetative state.
Grocery Bagger: Do you want the milk in a bag?
Dad: That's okay, just leave it in the carton.
Did you hear about the bread shortage at the Indian grocery store?
When I went there, they had naan left.
I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine
My grocery store had a great deal on baked sweets today
It’s really been a great cake day
A man goes to the grocery store...
A man goes to the grocery store and buys 2 apples, a banana and an onion.
The lady at the checkout counter says, "You must be single".
The man says, "Wow, how did you know?"
The lady says, "Because you're ugly."
Saw this at the grocery store earlier today
My wife said, “Why did you forget to get all the stuff from the grocery store that I wrote down?”
I said, “When I got there, I felt.....listless.”
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
I went to the grocery store.
The sign said "No food or drinks inside" So I went home.
Recent Trip to the Grocery Store
I was just in a checkout line at the grocery store and the man behind me was going on and on in broken English about being from some Neo-Mediterranean superpower. He got my attention, pointed to a newspaper above the belt, and asked what it was. I replied “It’s the Times, New Roman.”
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