Attorney Lex Lawson seeks out elegant and luxurious cafes wherever he goes. He has been widely recognized as a persistent .........

ambience chaser

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
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I don't trust new cafes.

They fill me with uncertain tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 17
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The food bar at the internet cafe was sold out today

I couldn't get a single byte

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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Drove past a cafe which was doing advertising an "All day breakfast"

I thought "I don't have time for that"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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Any punny name suggestions for a board game cafe?
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
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Why was the German vegan cafe not very popular with astronauts?

Because in β€œΓœter’s Place” no one here uses cream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
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At the local cafe, the waitress always calls me "hun"...

I don't know whether it's because she likes me or because I dress like a fifth century nomad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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I'm going to be dissapointed if there isn't a cafe here call Scrooby Snacks
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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I accidentally bumped into a guy at the cafe and spilled my coffee all over him.

Judging from the expresso on his face, he's not too happy with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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A church by where we live has a cafe called He Brews. Pretty funny.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alganay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
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Pun not really intended. A waterpipe cafe in Turkey.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prittypotato
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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I recently started a new job in a cafe where I have to prepare all the fillings for cheese toasties.

It’s grate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hairyfacedhooman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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What type of coffee do they sell at a cannibal cafe?

A cup of Joe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ludicrous_Speeed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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I’m so happy, my 3 year old daughter is learning Dad Jokes! Went to our local Zoo today and 1/2 way around there is a cafe so I asked her if she wanted an ice cream... and she said...

I Scream - aaaarrrhhhhh...

Even better when actually a true story!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Why didn’t the scientist eat at the planetarium cafe?

There was an astronomically long line!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mutantbabysnort
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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Once, i met my friend at a cafe and he said:" Hey, whats up?"

So i said:"the ceiling."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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More daily puns from the Inversnecky Cafe in Aberdeen, Scotland.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/89Dan
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
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I went to a gay cafe the other day

The only thing they sold was LGBtea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghosts_amirite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
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I went to an open-air cafe yesterday and it rained.

It took me four hours to eat my soup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewargingned
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
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The milk frother on the espresso machine at the cafe was broken.

You might say it ran out of steam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NWMossBack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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When calm, why is it bad to visit cafes on an island in the South Pacific Ocean?

They make you Fiji tea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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OMG! Did you hear that the T-Rex Cafe is hiring?!

Apparently they're short handed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paintedforfilth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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There was a sign outside the cafe.

It said, "We are looking for a cleaner."

Hmm, I wonder where he got to.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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In a cafe, I just saw a dad walk up to a girl on a ladder taking down Christmas decorations.

Are you supposed to be working when you're high?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Muskwatch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
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I went to a cafe and ordered eggs for breakfast this morning and the woman behind the counter asked, "How would you like your eggs cooked?"

"Does it affect the price?" I asked.

"No, not at all." she replied.

"In that case, I'd like them cooked with bacon, sausage and tomato please."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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Quote in the Hard Rock Cafe Rome imgur.com/RcY3kzK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iulioh
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Why didn’t the play-writer write in cafe?

He didn’t want to make a scene.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonictl16
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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Have you been to the cafe that's owned and operated by T-Rexes?

The food is good but the service is slow. They're always short handed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2017
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A restaurant named Cafe ModernΓ© closed for remodelling

When it reopened, it was named Cafe Post ModernΓ©

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EightBit
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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Dating on OKCupid, I get tired of going out to bars or cafes. I wanted to do something novel...

... so I invited him to meet me at a bookstore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pomme_dor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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All Internet cafes have...

DEDICATED SERVERS

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TogTMW
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2013
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We could open a restaurant called the human cafe.

Our motto would be, we're serving one another.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frank62899
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
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There was an attempted mugging at the cafe this morning.

I'm prepared now though, in case he decides to chai again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgt_eaglefort
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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We were passing by a place called the Donut Bagel Cafe

My dad glances over and says "Be respectful, we're passing by a holey place."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelaserpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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How do you attract ghosts to your cafe?

Set up a wifi cold-spot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klingers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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Someone witnessed a mime killing someone at a cafe earlier today...

He was classified as silent but deadly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LynkzKross
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
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Uncle (Dads mate) Cafe

So my dads best mate and I went to a cafe for lunch and it goes something like this;

Me: Hey! Could I please have a flat white and two sausage rolls, cheers

Dads Mate: Yeah, I'll have the same actually

Waitress: No worries, and are you two together?

Dads Mate: Nah we're just eating lunch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boonhuntr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2016
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A Cafe had the letters C A F E ad a display within reach.

I rearranged them so they said F A C E. My friend put them back in order, so I said "Hey that's vandalism!"

She said "I fixed it!"

I replied "No, you defaced it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/De-Vox
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2016
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A pop singer recently opened up a chocolate/wine cafe...

it's called "Bruno Mars Bar"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2016
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My dad operates a motel and cafe on Route 66

http://i.imgur.com/M0R9tHo.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xHaZxMaTx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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I met a girl at an internet cafe

but we didn't click

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirbcom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2014
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Waiting on ice creams from the cafe...

We went out as a family to a country park at the weekend and decided to get some ice creams. We sent my Dad, my Uncle and my Brother to the window on the side of the cafe to get them, but they were understaffed and both members of staff were focussing their efforts on making sandwiches on Baguettes.

My Uncle and Brother started grumbling about the wait;

"Don't rush him" says Dad, "he's on a roll..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neenoonee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2015
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Made the whole cafe laugh!

We were doing the close down of the cafe I work at and I was told to clean the toilet. Obviously once cleaned no one can use it that day otherwise it'd have to be cleaned again. "Anyone need the toilet before I go and clean it?" I said. Then without meaning to make a joke, ended it with "If not, keep quiet and forever hold your peace (piece)." It took a while for it to sink in but everyone laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrokenPixelll
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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When passing by the French cafe...

Dad: "Ah man, this place gives me the crepes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
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My mum suggested we had lunch in a cafe located in an old crypt...

My dad replied 'I don't think so, I wouldn't been seen dead there'.

This was followed by rolled eyes from my mum and I whilst my dad looked very pleased with himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sebb187
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2014
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So we were about to leave a cafe which had one of those two sided open/closed signs on the inside of a glass door...

At this point, the "closed" part was facing us. So I recoiled in horror and exclaimed "the outside's closed! Looks like we're trapped in here".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_hirst
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2014
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