When you eat at a diner YOU become the diner.
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
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Due to the current economic climate, our Diner menu for Profiteroles was renamed to..

..Deficiteroles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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The local diner charges Hispanic men less than everyone else.

They call it the seΓ±or citizens’ discount.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLocalCreep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
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I went into a diner the other day and said to the waitress, "I'll have a rubber band sandwich".

"And make it snappy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zinny08
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
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I went to German diner the other day.....

It was the wurst

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natteulven
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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I ordered a multi-meat sandwich at a diner that only had one meat.

What a bunch of Balogne

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Michipotz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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I ordered a coffee at the local diner and though it tasted like mud.

Turns out it was fresh ground.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/conditackler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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The psychic had visions only when he sat up near the register at the diner.

It was counter intuitive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. β€œCoffee” growls the wolf. β€œWater” says the fox...

And β€œPop!” goes the weasel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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Have you heard about the diner on the moon?

Great food, No atmosphere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gord0n22
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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Today I went to this diner and my Lord, I was served by this incredibly ugly waitress...

She gave me the crepes!

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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So a man walks into a diner and says to the waiter β€œI’ll take a cup of coffee with no creamer.” And then the waiter says β€œSorry sir, we’re out of creamer. Can I get you a cup of coffee with no milk?”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumber__Zach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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A man walks into a German diner. He asks the German waitress how she would rate this diner.

She said, "A nein out of ten."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourLegsAreHere
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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Diners, drive-ins, and dad jokes

My gf and I were watching the food network when Guy Fieri comes on for a commercial. I start to rant about my general annoyance with him.

Me: "... yada, yada, yada... his hair just makes me..."

GF: "Fieri-ous?"

I had to stop mid rant because that was pretty good! I think my girlfriend became a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theKKrowd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2017
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I was in a breakfast diner and I called over the waiter

I said "hey waiter, this coffee tastes like mud".

He said "that's weird, it was just ground this morning"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/temon00
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Eating with my parents at a diner...

And I'm dancing to a song when my mom asks me if this is my "jam". Without hesitation I pointed to the stack of strawberry jam packets and said "No, THIS is my jam!"

You guys trained me well :')

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjanuary
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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Overheard at the local diner just now…

"Dad, can we have an ice cream sundae?"

"Not today. It's Saturday."

He laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoobySnacks801
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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I went to a diner with my dad and he ordered a cheeseburger.

Waitress asks: "How would you like it?"

Dad: "You know, on a bun."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiimCaysE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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We went to Black Bear Diner for brunch and my oldest saw some slippers that look like bear paws

He asked if he could get them and said "I've always wanted bear feet." "Fine," I said, "take off you shoes." He did, smiling. Next, I told him "take off your socks." He excitedly eyed the slippers as he pulled off his socks. When he finished, I said "there, now you have bare feet." My wife just sighed and shook her head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2016
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Dad Joke at a Diner

Dad gets short changed on his fried shrimp at a diner. He calls the manager over and the following exchange ensued:

Dad: "I order this dish all the time, and today I noticed there's fewer shrimp than usual..."

Manager: "I'm sorry sir, but we don't go by how many shrimp for the order, we go by the weight."

Dad: "Well, I waited..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baron_Brouhaha
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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So my family went to a diner...

My mom decided to get a gyro, and in the process of eating it, some of the cheese fell on the table. Dad said we shouldn't worry about it. "Why not?" "Because it isn't real."

At this point we still had no idea what was coming. "Why isn't it real, dad?"

"It's Counter-feta."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Tom42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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Eating Breakfast at the Cozy Corner Diner

Host: Table for 3?

Dad: We'll take a table in the corner.

Sits down

Dad: Boy, this place sure is cozy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/businessmantis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2013
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Dadjoked at a diner...

Friend #1 examines the butter

F1: I don't think this is real butter...

F2: It's butter than nothing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notevenmyrealdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
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