Diner Puns

Stake and eggs (sunny side up, of course)

..Deficiteroles

They call it the señor citizens’ discount.

"And make it snappy."

It was the wurst

What a bunch of Balogne

Turns out it was fresh ground.

And “Pop!” goes the weasel.

It was counter intuitive.

Great food, No atmosphere.

She gave me the crepes!

She said, "A nein out of ten."

I said "hey waiter, this coffee tastes like mud".

He said "that's weird, it was just ground this morning"

My gf and I were watching the food network when Guy Fieri comes on for a commercial. I start to rant about my general annoyance with him.

Me: "... yada, yada, yada... his hair just makes me..."

GF: "Fieri-ous?"

I had to stop mid rant because that was pretty good! I think my girlfriend became a dad.

And I'm dancing to a song when my mom asks me if this is my "jam". Without hesitation I pointed to the stack of strawberry jam packets and said "No, THIS is my jam!"

You guys trained me well :')

"Dad, can we have an ice cream sundae?"

"Not today. It's Saturday."

He laughed.

Waitress asks: "How would you like it?"

Dad: "You know, on a bun."

He asked if he could get them and said "I've always wanted bear feet." "Fine," I said, "take off you shoes." He did, smiling. Next, I told him "take off your socks." He excitedly eyed the slippers as he pulled off his socks. When he finished, I said "there, now you have bare feet." My wife just sighed and shook her head.

Me: I don't know if we can split this, but just in case we better check.

Dad gets short changed on his fried shrimp at a diner. He calls the manager over and the following exchange ensued:

Dad: "I order this dish all the time, and today I noticed there's fewer shrimp than usual..."

Manager: "I'm sorry sir, but we don't go by how many shrimp for the order, we go by the weight."

Dad: "Well, I waited..."

My mom decided to get a gyro, and in the process of eating it, some of the cheese fell on the table. Dad said we shouldn't worry about it. "Why not?" "Because it isn't real."

At this point we still had no idea what was coming. "Why isn't it real, dad?"

"It's Counter-feta."

Host: Table for 3?

Dad: We'll take a table in the corner.

Sits down

Dad: Boy, this place sure is cozy.

Friend #1 examines the butter

F1: I don't think this is real butter...

F2: It's butter than nothing!