Hit me with breakfast puns

Because i feel my life’s becoming a yolk

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinia4labari
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwardyeti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
My favorite Christmas breakfast is Eggs Benedict served on a hubcap.

There's no place like chrome for the hollandaise.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoonIsTooSpig
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do cars put on their toast for breakfast?

Traffic jams!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Do you know why the French eat just one egg for breakfast?

Because in France, one egg is Un ouef.

πŸ‘︎ 838
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamizander
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
During breakfast, my dad said, β€œLet me sum up 2020 in one word.”

Four.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My teacher asked us to describe our breakfast in one word.

I told her it was surreal

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WoNelli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast?

Excuse me, but I'd like to propose a toast!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a duck’s favorite breakfast food?

Quacker oats

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Been meaning stop here for breakfast...everyone says I have to try their gloryholes.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bozo_dubbed_over
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why the French only eat one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/archiewalton09
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just discovered the Cantonese culture of doing maths in a dark room at breakfast

Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrubb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Found my roommate chanting in Latin to his breakfast

He said he was peforming an eggcorism

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashnakag3019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"

Ay poppy

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thendofreason
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Forgiveness is the most important part of a well balanced breakfast.
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do jokesters eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BockBock2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a restaurant that had a sign up saying β€œBreakfast anytime”

So I ordered French toast during the renaissance.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Trucker's Breakfast

A trucker came intoΒ  a Truck Stop CafΓ© and placed his order with the waitress. He said "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said.Β  "'three flat tires' mean three pancakes; 'a pair of headlights' are two eggs sunny side up; and 'a pair of running boards' are 2 slices of crisp bacon!"

"Oh.. OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBobShelton_74
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
For my anniversary, 12 women named Rose showed up while we were having breakfast. "WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Screamed my wife.

"Honey, I got you a bouquet."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thesmartass1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?

Mourn flakes

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Corbin125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate Scrabble tiles for breakfast

The next trip to the bathroom is going to spell disaster

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djSanta1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say to applaud the vermin that managed to escape the breakfast porridge?

Congee-rat-lations 😬😬😬

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/majumps
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do r/puns members eat for breakfast?

Pun-cakes.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IdeaCafe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
In England, they eat two eggs for breakfast..

But in France, one egg is un ouef.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huuhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My three year old girl asked me, "Where does poo come from?" I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation, so I explained, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"

"Yes." she replied.

"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, then whatever is left over, comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet! And that, is poo!"

She looked a little perplexed, stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a cannibal eat for breakfast

Toes-t

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djgw88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Out dad'd by my son. I was making breakfast and my son walked in.

I told him I was trying something new. He looked at the recipe and proclaimed, Oh crΓͺpe.

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DracotheReaper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do xenophobes like to eat for breakfast?

Special KKK.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I burned my batter based breakfast this morning...

It tasted waffle.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Good job coming dad. (3 year old son after he told me to come eat breakfast)

Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.

He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zvive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter thinks it’s weird that I eat a bowl of corn flakes every single day for breakfast

But I don’t see what’s wrong with being a cereal monogamist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/K_Z_513
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."

"But at least it's made with whole groins."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do the French never have two eggs for breakfast?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trickshot945
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?

Mice Krispies

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaystibelman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people realy love breakfast, but I'm the opposite...

I build slow

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaPlaya
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It was my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Verbatim account of a conversation with my son at breakfast this morning that makes me feel like I’m dadding well:

Son: β€œI hate crumbs.”

Me: β€œThat’s not cool. Crumbs never did anything to you.”

Son: β€œWell I don’t want to eat them.”

Me: β€œAnd they don’t want to eat you.”

Son: β€œCrumbs can’t eat anything, Dad. They don’t have a mouth and they can’t swallow things inside them.”

Me: β€œWhat if there’s a river of crumbs going into the ocean and a duck lands on them and it’s like quicksand so the duck gets swallowed up at the mouth of the river of crumbs? I’d say it just got eaten.”

Son: β€œAnd I’d say you’re ducking weird.”

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 270
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.

Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you want to have the same breakfast every day?

Cereal monogamy

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deutschbag668
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Bran Stark sits down for breakfast and suddenly decides he no longer wants to be king.

In other words, bran flakes.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmbahcat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind breakfast in bed

...but I prefer it in a bowl.

πŸ‘︎ 266
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paradeqia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up yesterday to find that my wife had invited a bunch of journalists from Paris to help make breakfast..

I didn't mind. I love coffee from the French Press.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/calarkin27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter was particularly grumpy one morning even after breakfast. I gave her a single piece of crushed ice. "What's this?" she asked,

A chill pill.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahstir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I remember dressing up as a breakfast pastry for one of my high school plays.

It was a sweet role.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do the French only eat one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batmanshsu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.