Hit me with breakfast puns

Because i feel my life’s becoming a yolk

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vinia4labari
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwardyeti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do the French never have two eggs for breakfast?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trickshot945
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
What does a thesaurus have for breakfast?

A synonym roll.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Epic_Bro_Fist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
My daughter was particularly grumpy one morning even after breakfast. I gave her a single piece of crushed ice. "What's this?" she asked,

A chill pill.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahstir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
I woke up yesterday to find that my wife had invited a bunch of journalists from Paris to help make breakfast..

I didn't mind. I love coffee from the French Press.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/calarkin27
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
What does Fonzie eat for breakfast?

Ayyy-gs

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I had an argument about what to make for breakfast.

We hashed things out in the end.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_adamnguyen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.

Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.

I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 271
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I don't always eat breakfast

But when I do, I prefer dos eggies 🍳🍳

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Font_Fetish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
A man and a woman are sitting eating breakfast one day

And the wife says "if I died would you get remarried?" The man says " no don't ask that it's absurd". The wife asks for the next few days until she asks once more and he says "yes." The wife then says "would you sell the house?" The man says "no" she says "would you sell our bed?" The man replies " no no it's our bed" the wife says "would you give her my golf clubs? The man replies "no she's left handed"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EfficientStudent6
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
I don't mind breakfast in bed

...but I prefer it in a bowl.

πŸ‘︎ 262
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paradeqia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
What did the russian author order for breakfast?

Toast-oyevsky!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Redqueenhypo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
Every day at breakfast, I announce that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It was my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
What does the Jester eat for breakfast?

A pun-cakes

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rysy0o0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
What do you call a good breakfast?

Omelet you know in a little bit

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
What do Instagram influencers eat for breakfast?

Raise-in-brand.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heynow2468
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Anybody heard about that bad batch of breakfast cereal?

It was a Total Recall.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jakiray6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
I just read that a man got fired from the police after stealing 7 breakfasts

They made an eggsample out of him.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ewanhort
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Why do French people have only 1 egg for breakfast?

Because in France, 1 egg is enough.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KillerKilcline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
What do iPhones eat for breakfast?

Siri-al

πŸ‘︎ 158
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
I walked into the kitchen this morning and I saw my wife was cooking breakfast in her slippers again.

I thought to myself "I really should buy her a fry pan "

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
What was Salvador Dali’s favorite breakfast?

Surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JessRabid
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
I had a plan to fry eggs for breakfast, but I dropped them

So I had to scramble

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/27Pianos
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
This morning I told my son I was going to cook a frozen ritto for breakfast.

It's cold, that's why it's called a brrrr-ritto.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOriginalGPS
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
Drove past a cafe which was doing advertising an "All day breakfast"

I thought "I don't have time for that"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Why do the French have small breakfasts ?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
My family complains that I never talk during breakfast because I still read a newspaper.

You can say.... I’m behind The Times.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
A globe-trotting vulture tried to bring his breakfast and lunch onto the plane

"I'm sorry, sir, you're only authorized ONE carrion."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad to help me cook my egg for breakfast

He said he wasn’t an egg-spert

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
Why was breakfast so tense?

I asked for eggs uneasy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
A little breakfast humor.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chsavage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice krispies.

I’ll see myself to the door now

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NGGlass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCraay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?

Synonym rolls.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HaggardOReilly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
Why can't a Frenchman eat more than one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
🚨︎ report
Do you know that a religious person should have bagels for breakfast everyday?

They are as holy as food can get.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loopystring
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I ate waffle today at breakfast, and for some reason it gave me terrible gas from the back of my throat

It was a belchin' waffle (Belgian)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
For father's day breakfast, my daughter promised she'd make pancakes. Then she said she wouldn't. Then she said she would. Then she said she wouldn't.

Now she's just waffling.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
Why did Hitler only drink milk for breakfast?

He hated juice.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
In USA you get about 4 eggs in your breakfast. In France one egg is un oeuf.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExistentialYurt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?

Woffles!

Credit: My 5-yo son!! ~proud dad

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ATGSunCoach
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
What do dogs eat for breakfast?

Woofles.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FarsideSC
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I had breakfast at The Mesa Grill and got food poisoning. My lawyer said that I had a good case, but I'm a man.

I just didn't wanna sue Flay.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
I recently had breakfast with Tenacious D while playing a game of cards

Nothing like playing blackjack with Jack Black over a stack of flapjacks

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
What did the board game eat for breakfast?

Scrabbled eggs.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rapidToothbrush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
I want to open a Jamaican-Spanish-Irish small plates breakfast joint.

We're going to call it "Tapas the Morning to Ja"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Did you know that on this day during the American Civil War, armies on both sides skipped breakfast?

They had to March first.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OneSidedDice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
What do ducks have for breakfast?

Quackers Oats

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hrishic2327
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
What is a thesaurus favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

A synonym roll

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
What is Salvador Dali's favorite breakfast food?

Surreal.

EDIT: My coworker demands that I give her credit for this. And she's right

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JMCatron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
My wife asked what kind of eggs I wanted for breakfast.

I replied, β€œIt doesn’t matter. I’m eggnostic.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benwheely
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My son was making breakfast for the first time and he distraughtly asked me, "How do you stop the sausages from curling in the pan?!" I smiled and advised…

"Well son, just take away their little brooms."

πŸ‘︎ 264
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do cats eat for breakfast?

Mice crispies

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackTMJones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bus everyone ate breakfast on?

It was a universal cereal bus

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cmac6691
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to stop eating my breakfast so aggressively

But I can’t help it that I’m a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_owens
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
Whats your nans favourite Spanish breakfast meal?

Gran-hola!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
This morning at breakfast... Me: do you want this with honey? Son: No, I want it without honey

Me: What's "Outhoney"?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
I was making some nachos for breakfast when a drop fell on the floor.

I said to myself, "Guess you could say I cheesed it."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the supermarket took its entire breakfast aisle, put it on a truck, and started giving items out all over town?

They call it the Universal Cereal Bus.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamHR
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: What’s for breakfast? Wife: Soy chorizo.

Me: Hi sausage! I’m dad!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Make_it_perfect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I got my dad good yesterday at breakfast.

I ordered an eggs Benedict with chorizo, and I said, "Did you know eggs Benedict is best served on an old hubcap?"

My dad went, "Really?"

I said, "Yup. Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What breakfast was a musical sensation?

A pop tart.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Hulk say when he was told every superhero loves waffles at the breakfast buffet?

Not all heroes, where crepes?

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do cows eat for breakfast?

Moosli

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OldRoundface
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a dogs favorite breakfast?

Pooched eggs

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I recently made a fluffy, delicious European breakfast entree, but when I finished eating it I had a stomach ache.

It was a Belchin Waffle

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dawall12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do the French only have a single egg at breakfast?

Because one egg is an oeuf

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TelevisionHard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does a Frenchman have only one egg for breakfast? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kkoreto1991
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What should give your mum's mum for breakfast?

Granola

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurboAxolotl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I was a bit afraid of making breakfast this Halloween morning but...

I ain’t afraid of no toast

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween

But I ain't afraid of no toast.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordJimsicle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t French people have two eggs for breakfast...

... because in France one egg is un oeuf.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I love having mushrooms in my breakfast

It’s the breakfast of champignons

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do zombies eat for breakfast?

Raisinbrain

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moronicuniform
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Which board game can also make breakfast?

Scrabbled eggs.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was a bit afraid of making breakfast this Halloween morning but...

I ain't afraid of no toast.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Every morning at breakfast, I tell my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t.

It’s my longest running joke of the year.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What breakfast pastry willfully causes more pain and suffering than a donut?

A crueller

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yahtzee44444
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I made this woman breakfast in bed...

... and all she said was "how did you get into my house?"

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valdagast
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were deciding what to eat for breakfast when she asked, β€œHave you ever tried raisin bagels?”

I replied, β€œI didn’t know you could raise bagels.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What breakfast food is always in the gym?

Shredded Wheat

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wackyzebra43
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw some waffles with Elsa on them in the breakfast section yesterday...

Must have been Frozen Waffles!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GDeShieldsIV
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call breakfast at a hotel in Green Bay?

Wis-continental.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_E_L_Bawks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
This morning at breakfast, my dad looked at us very seriously and said, β€œIt hurts me when I say this..”

..”But I have a sore throat.”

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
so I made a dadjoke hi tired I'm dad during breakfast and daughter got angry. so I said...

What are you going to do, throw me with the frying pun?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Duyungrql
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
"Can you make me breakfast in bed?" asked the wife.

I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen."

πŸ‘︎ 628
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
As I was preparing breakfast for my sons, they both said they wanted pancakes. As the first batch was almost finished, they began to argue over who would get the first pancake…

I said, β€œIf Jesus were sitting here, he would say, β€˜Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’”

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, β€œRyan, you be Jesus!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.