Eat a garlic clove with every meal to stop the Coronavirus

It won't do anything to protect you from getting sick, but people will stay six feet away

πŸ‘︎ 165
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesiajune
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What’s a shark’s favorite meal?

Fish & Ships

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daily_Vinyl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
I was gonna cook some garlic butter mushrooms, you know, spice up a meal

Then I realised, ain’t anybody got thyme for that.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I own a restaurant. My chef knows exactly when to add spices to any meal...

Perfect thyme-ing.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
My Wing Chun instructor makes me bring him meals as part of my training.

He's on a Sifu diet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
What did the French bulldog call its favorite meal?

Chomps-Elysees

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee...

But no. I was charged $30 a pop.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
What's the most environmentally unfriendly meal?

Carbonara

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rorech
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
What did the cannibal choose as his last meal

Five guys

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hot-hitler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Enjoy your meal!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Couldbeurmom
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
what did the cannibal request for his last meal?

Five guys

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bribonzuelo92
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.

It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you don't earn a full meal?

Just desserts

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
My dad says the only difference between a good meal and a good time..

is where you put the cucumber..

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoreyReynolds
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a toddler who can expertly select the proper whine for every meal?

A master so-smalier.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sammmbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
What did the cannibal eat for his last meal?

Five Guys.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SwitchGuru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
Whats your nans favourite Spanish breakfast meal?

Gran-hola!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a waiter brings you the wrong meal?

A server error

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/school-yeeter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Liam Gallagher argued that soup was the best value meal you could get, because

You got a roll with it

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a vegan begin grace before a meal?

Lettuce pray.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a wonderful meal last night, even the clock loved it!

It went back four seconds!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Had an awful meal at a casino in Las Vegas

The chips tasted of plastic.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a vegan begin grace before meals?

Lettuce pray

πŸ‘︎ 356
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
As I was walking down the street, an old man came up to me and explained all the benefits of dining on meals with mint derived from sub-shrub herbs...

I thanked him for the sage advice but went on about my business.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do astronauts say before eating a meal?

Bone atrophy!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baconschniffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Germany has unveiled a new, healthy meal plan for all its citizens

They call it the Guten Free Diet.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RuskiHuski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a meal from the moon?

A satellite dish

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyborgcolin
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
classic italian meal
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/roCemma
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the psychic order as a side for their meal?

Tarot tots

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PooLatka
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
One time I noticed a lizard stealing a meal from a very hungry frog

And I thought to myself, "What a cold blooded thing to do!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alexd281
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a skeletons favorite meal?

Ribs

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaSnookGuy23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the teddy bear say after a meal?

"Man, am i stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldnt the chef finish cooking the meal?

Because he was out of thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMurlocsson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My bottle of Chardonnay just spoke to my steak! It said, "you smell great!" The steak responded, saying "you're a great vintage yourself!" The meal was delicious!

I guess the secret to a good meal is pairing food and wine that compliment each other!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Two flies are sitting down enjoying a lovely meal.

One says to the other:

"Man, this is some really good shit!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in line for 15 minutes at McDonald’s when I finally received my BigMac Meal reddit.com/r/3amjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wokwokcenter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
On the instructions of my ready meal it says "Rest for 5 minutes once cooked".

But I'm not tired at all.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
polynomials (algebraic expressions) are not to be confused with poly gnome meals (food for plastic gnomes)
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tananar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Condom commercials should just be a short clip of a couple trying to enjoy a nice meal in public with children.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrClapCheeks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Ziti such a cheap meal?

It only costs a penne

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a cannibal's favourite cheat meal?

Donor kebab.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JamalalAtete
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the English millionaire's favorite meal?

Gyros and Pound Cake.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWildWhistlepig
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
In college, I took many classes on the study of past events surrounding scraps of food from a meal

I even changed my major to Ort History!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you eat at a mall and you're satisfied by your meal?

Mallnourished

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrewy211
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I made a meal, with parts from every culture, using traditional Chinese methods

It was from all Woks of Life

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrequelsAMIRIGHT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A good meal is worth the wait.

But a good dessert is worth the weight.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nhawdge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s an Indian person’s favourite combo meal? Beeryani
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Clark Kent's favorite meal of the day?

Supper man!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a cannibal's favorite meal?

A salad, because they cannot resist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriJ-_-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the death row prisoner request as his final meal?

Lifesavers

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bdub_7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm at the point where PM meals should not be referred to as supper or dinner, but more of a Family Meating.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJellyTruck
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a nuclear scientists favourite meal?

Fission Chips

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InterGamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
This butter came with my in-flight meal
πŸ‘︎ 704
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeteuchter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the German waiter say halfway through the meal?

Cheer up. The wΓΌrst is yet to come!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPink2112
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
After our meal the waitress asked β€œWould you like to go tea’s”...

No ma’am, I have a full beard and my wife prefers not having facial hair.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeTuco
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Most down-to-earth meal I've ever seen. v.redd.it/95ia8xv91bh11
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItzYaBoi25
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does everyone apply salt to their meals?

It’s sodium good

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterDoot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
sad meal
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TunaAlert
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend asked me what meal I wanted for my birthday... She gets me

https://imgur.com/a/86LSZ

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkV
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
🚨︎ report
I love watching people fall down in exchange for bread-based meals

r/subsifellfor

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikzuko
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican mans meal cost less?

Because of the SeΓ±ors discount.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phiqlue
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
🚨︎ report
When did the dragon's meal get interrupted?

Around mid-knight.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aiandi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
The fish & chip shop I go to still wraps up their meals in newspaper

Yesterday I got a plaice in The Sun.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me her new diet meant she could only eat foods made from almonds. Almond meal, almond milk, almond... everything.

When I heard this, I said, "but that's just nuts".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it that panhandlers are only allowed to eat liquid meals?

Because beggars can’t be chewsers

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilsguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What does an Australian chess player say when he finishes his meal?

Check, mate!

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/batnuna
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I've started eating my meals from scales instead of a plate...

I'm aiming for a well balanced diet.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditAndWept-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Doctor:Okay apart from your painful disease, can you tell me something else? Like, the last meal you had?

Her peas.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife to cook me a Japanese meal for our anniversary

Sushi did!

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Amo_Amas_Amatt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
On the way to a nice meal with my wife discussing our choice of footwear

Wife: I wish I had worn my boots but I think the restaurant is a little dressier than that.

Me: I don’t think so... I almost wore my sandals.

Wife: That would have been vetoed.

Me: No, that would have been open toed.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KennethPowersIII
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a frog eat when it wants a hot meal?

A firefly

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjobill
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jester who only ate half his meal?

Fullish.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ididshave
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an electric first course meal?

An aperTASER

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Zeeloo_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
The Waitress saw me and my gf were wrapping up our meals. "Y'all wanna box for your leftovers?"

"I'm not much of a boxer, but I'll wrestle you for them."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Breakfast is my favorite meal

Its very eggcelent

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wxy9ex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Venus flytrap enjoying a light meal
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Which meal does a speedy driver eat the most?

Brake fast

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pythonidaer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I came back with the food for tonight's meal.

I'm a supperhero.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Some people try to learn the whole layout of the human body in one go, as if they’re devouring a meal...

...but I prefer to graze anatomy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElLordHighBueno
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently started a diet where I would have honey with each meal

turns out i couldn't stick to it

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Heliosthedealios
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
🚨︎ report
How does Mike Rowe (Host of Dirty Jobs) cook most of his meals?

In his Mike-Rowe-Wave.

πŸ‘︎ 854
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/terribleivan22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me why I eat napkins with every meal

I told him it was so that I don’t have to wipe later

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Australian chess player say to his waiter after eating his meal?

Checkmate.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostInTheShadow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Would you like that in a meal? i.reddituploads.com/4f74d…
πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mangoicetea
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I had dinner in a new 5* restaurant where the meals are served in elevators.

Really taking dining to the next level

OR

I'm moving up in the world

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCarlingg
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2018
🚨︎ report

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