It's called oatmeal, not oatmeals
is just meatloaf that doesn't give a f.
When she declined, I told her she was missing oat.
Upon arrival, she couldn't remember which were groceries and which were paint colors.
Lil Deb HEE-HEE
LEECHES and SCREAM
...
woooOOOOoooOOOooo, haaaaappy hallooooweeeeen!
Eating it was pretty grueling.
Me: "Dad, did you put two packets of Oatmeal in this bowl?" Dad: "Two pack? Isn't that a rapper?"
Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...
then BAM oatmeal raisin!
In fact it was a migraine. So I asked her if I got myself a bowl of oatmeal if I would also have a My Grain.
I'm currently teaching at a summer program for kids going into 1st grade through 6th grade. I've been using the opportunity to relentlessly torment the kids with dadjokes and puns, naturally.
This morning, one of my 6 year olds was having breakfast. She looked down at the oatmeal and said "Oooh, this is hot, and I'm cold."
She then instantly looked up at me and insisted "Don't call me cold, don't call me cold, don't call me cold!"
I'm so proud.
But these days Iām more of an oatmeal killer
I can hear them talking since they're just in the other room.
> Mom: How about Toasted Oatmeal? Do you like Toasted Oatmeal?
> Dad: Not on my walls. That would be messy.
The groan was tangible from my mom.
I'm in my kitchen this morning trying to make myself some oatmeal when I discover that we are out of bowls yet again. (We only have a couple and we have a roommate, so this is a common problem.)
I say to my husband, "We need more fucking bowls! This is bullshit!"
He starts to giggle.
"What the fuck is so funny about not having enough bowls???"
"It sounded like you said, 'This is bowlshit.'" He continues to laugh.
Sigh.
We've all heard the old dad joke about how our parents had to walk 20 miles to school, through 8-foot snowdrifts, "uphill, both ways." My Dad used to tell it all the time, but he had a masterful (in my opinion) ending to it.
He would tell the joke as most of us have heard it, and then would say "...and if you dropped your lunch, you were shit out of luck." This never made sense to me until one day I asked him; "Why didn't you just pick it up?"
His reply...."Do you know hard it is to pick a handful of warm oatmeal out of a snowbank!?"
I made home-made oatmeal for breakfast, and Grandma (my mother-in-law) wanted hers with just butter and sugar. She said "I grew up with butter and sugar."
My responds with "OK, but what did you eat?"
My Son just made me so proud!
I thought of this while eating oatmeal. My son is only 15 months old, so I donate it to those of you who have children old enough to groan.
Me: If people eat oatmeal for breakfast, what do goats eat?
Kid: What?
Me: Goat-meal!
Kid: <groan>
Me: If people eat oatmeal for breakfast, and goats eat goat-meal, what do boats eat?
Kid: (hopefully) Boat-meal!
Me: No, boats don't eat!
This morning at breakfast my SO asked me how I eat my oatmeal. My response was "With my mouth." And at the bank a little later the teller asked how I wanted my cash back. I said "In my hands." ba dum tss
