I ❤ The Oatmeal.
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👤︎ u/ATXMom04
📅︎ Dec 04 2020
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Forgetful Francesca had a lot of items on her list as she headed to the Super Store... celery, cinnamon, oatmeal, mint, mustard and chocolate.

Upon arrival, she couldn't remember which were groceries and which were paint colors.

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📅︎ Feb 06 2019
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Not specifically a joke but....

Today my wife was making oatmeal cookies, and was getting rolled oats out of the cupboard. I adamantly told her to STOP and she can't use them yet. Grabbing them, I proceeded to walk across the kitchen, and roll them across the floor. "There. NOW you have rolled oats," I say. Only to receive a facepalm and to be told to get out of the kitchen...

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👤︎ u/medaele
📅︎ Nov 29 2020
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Brought a tear to my eye

I'm currently teaching at a summer program for kids going into 1st grade through 6th grade. I've been using the opportunity to relentlessly torment the kids with dadjokes and puns, naturally.

This morning, one of my 6 year olds was having breakfast. She looked down at the oatmeal and said "Oooh, this is hot, and I'm cold."

She then instantly looked up at me and insisted "Don't call me cold, don't call me cold, don't call me cold!"

I'm so proud.

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/dakana
📅︎ Jul 16 2015
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My dad is planning on paint colors with my mom...

I can hear them talking since they're just in the other room.

> Mom: How about Toasted Oatmeal? Do you like Toasted Oatmeal?

> Dad: Not on my walls. That would be messy.

The groan was tangible from my mom.

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📅︎ Jun 13 2015
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Very punny, husband.

I'm in my kitchen this morning trying to make myself some oatmeal when I discover that we are out of bowls yet again. (We only have a couple and we have a roommate, so this is a common problem.)

I say to my husband, "We need more fucking bowls! This is bullshit!"

He starts to giggle.

"What the fuck is so funny about not having enough bowls???"

"It sounded like you said, 'This is bowlshit.'" He continues to laugh.

Sigh.

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📅︎ Sep 01 2014
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Uphill, both ways.

We've all heard the old dad joke about how our parents had to walk 20 miles to school, through 8-foot snowdrifts, "uphill, both ways." My Dad used to tell it all the time, but he had a masterful (in my opinion) ending to it.

He would tell the joke as most of us have heard it, and then would say "...and if you dropped your lunch, you were shit out of luck." This never made sense to me until one day I asked him; "Why didn't you just pick it up?"

His reply...."Do you know hard it is to pick a handful of warm oatmeal out of a snowbank!?"

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📅︎ Jan 10 2017
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I was on a dad joke roll today.

This morning at breakfast my SO asked me how I eat my oatmeal. My response was "With my mouth." And at the bank a little later the teller asked how I wanted my cash back. I said "In my hands." ba dum tss

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👤︎ u/sonaked
📅︎ Dec 20 2013
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Cookie orders came in today

Younger brother, who is in the school band, got his cookie orders in and was going over the list.

Brother: Ok, oatmeal raisin, chocolate chip, katydids,

Dad: Don't forget the katydonts!

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👤︎ u/nsmh11
📅︎ Oct 01 2013
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