Me: Dad I’m going to Seattle

Dad: Who’s Attle?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moonratt1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Since moving to Seattle I'm starting to like the rain.

I think I've been rainwashed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguscerdo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Seattle subreddit didn’t appreciate my efforts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Distant_Past
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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Two feet of snow in Seattle
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maudieatkinson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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The Seattle Symphony is playing Beethoven's 9th.

In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.

While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.

One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"

And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.

After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomImmortal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Why is Seattle mad that they lost their NBA team?

OKC may have stolen the Thunder, but Seattle's still got the Storm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sedatedxsecure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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This online giant's Seattle headquarters is an Amazon rainforest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greengo122
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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"Hey, Seattle, wanna win the Super Bowl?"

"No, thanks. We'll pass."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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What did the Seattle mayor say when he banned straws?

Alright everybody, this is the last straw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brotworst3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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Mussels off the coast of Seattle test positive for opioids

If they had tested positive for marijuana, would they be baked mussels?

Mussels off the coast of Seattle test positive for opioids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IchWillRingen
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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From now on, refer to Seattle as "Space Haystack City" why?

Because that's where you'll find The Space Needle, OBVIOUSLY.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2017
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My dad and I were driving around in Seattle and we passed a "Nude live girls" sign

He quickly remarked that the "Dead nude girls" were in the back

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSnider
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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I can't stop laughing about the NHL's newest franchise

It's Kraken me up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Only buds
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πŸ‘€︎ u/real_JustinWest
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Do you even see anything at all?

I don't Seattle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Auditormadness9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Do you know why the amount of traffic accidents is so high in Washington?

Because the people there can't Seattle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TinzaX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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There's a local restaurant my family frequents called "Deja Vu".

"Have we been here before? I'm sure we've been here before." - Every male member of my family (including my Alzheimer's stricken grandfather).

Every time.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andysmith94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
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What is a mummy's favorite kind of music?

Rap.

Cheesy for sure but a random older gentleman told me this joke while I was walking around Seattle on a recent trip. Made the day pretty memorable!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeruleanStarlite
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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[OC] A chief named Battle is scouting for fertile land with his son Attle

After a long and arduous hike, Attle is tired. "How much longer dad? Are you sure its is this way?"

"Son, trust me! Now stay close to me ok!"

Finally, Battle reaches a good viewpoint, and spots an island in the distance.

He excitedly yells: "Attle! Come on, hurry up, I think I found it".

Attle catches up to his dad. "Where is it?"

Battle points to the island, and says "Seattle"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baselganglia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Seen at Nordic Heritage Museum

Seattle just opened a new Nordic Heritage Museum. I saw a guy in a TShirt that read:

β€œMay the Norse be with you.”

He looked like he coulda been a dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seattledandy
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arriv

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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My dad said this to my sister

She asked him "where can I find Microsoft Office?" His response: "The office is in Seattle, right?"

I know this isn't the funniest thing on this subreddit, but it was funny coming from him, and I felt it was perfect for here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krunamey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
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They might need to replace that window soon...

http://imgur.com/vJSCfN9

...because it was kraken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceeBread
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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I was dad-joked during the football game tonight

I was watching the Seattle Seahawks play against the Green Bay Packers tonight, and Derrick Coleman was shown on TV. I turned to my dad, "That's the deaf football player, right?"

Him "Huh?"

Me "That football player is deaf, right?"

Him " What?" As he held his hand up to his ear.

God damn it dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redhot128
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
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Infamous Second Father, Dad just got me in the car.

Was explaining Infamous to dad and mentioned the main character went to Seattle. I finished explaining the story and he replies: "Oh good ! They all lived happily ever after! Now whos Attle anyway?" "What do you mean?" I replied "Well the main character went to See Attle you said!" He shone with pride.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whydyoukillsanta
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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"That's a wrap!"

I'm a catering cook in Seattle and for new years eve we served a turkey bacon wrap. Whenever somebody ordered the wrap I would tell them, "last lunch of 2014, that's a wrap!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrinceBeartime
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2015
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Brothers a geologist

Bro: I'm at a landslide convention in Seattle

Me: Is it.... moving?!

groan felt from across the country

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjizzle6969
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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On the highway with Dad

...and he's speeding. We're northbound on the Seattle I-5, graced by the ever-too-common rain, and it's mostly empty.

Me: "I think you're going a little fast." Dad: "It's a gray area." Me: "What, speeding?" Dad: "No, Seattle."

We laughed like maniacs for 5 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cronack1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2014
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I've gotten a lot of mileage out of my dad's classic.

Q: Why is Seattle (or any other rainy city) like Cher?

A: Because it's not fucking sunny anymore!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Llero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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Family vacation

My family was visiting relatives in Seattle and we were visiting the space needle. The person at the counter offers my dad a combo with some other attraction and he responds with

"Does this combo come with fries?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxXSamWoWXxX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
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