Does that make you a submariner?
Dad: Whoβs Attle?
I think I've been rainwashed.
In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.
While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.
One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"
And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.
After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.
"No, thanks. We'll pass."
OKC may have stolen the Thunder, but Seattle's still got the Storm.
Alright everybody, this is the last straw.
If they had tested positive for marijuana, would they be baked mussels?
Because that's where you'll find The Space Needle, OBVIOUSLY.
He quickly remarked that the "Dead nude girls" were in the back
Nothing, cause she can't Seattle.
It's Kraken me up
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
I don't Seattle.
"Have we been here before? I'm sure we've been here before." - Every male member of my family (including my Alzheimer's stricken grandfather).
Every time.
Rap.
Cheesy for sure but a random older gentleman told me this joke while I was walking around Seattle on a recent trip. Made the day pretty memorable!
After a long and arduous hike, Attle is tired. "How much longer dad? Are you sure its is this way?"
"Son, trust me! Now stay close to me ok!"
Finally, Battle reaches a good viewpoint, and spots an island in the distance.
He excitedly yells: "Attle! Come on, hurry up, I think I found it".
Attle catches up to his dad. "Where is it?"
Battle points to the island, and says "Seattle"!
Seattle just opened a new Nordic Heritage Museum. I saw a guy in a TShirt that read:
βMay the Norse be with you.β
He looked like he coulda been a dad...
There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He
... keep reading on reddit β‘She asked him "where can I find Microsoft Office?" His response: "The office is in Seattle, right?"
I know this isn't the funniest thing on this subreddit, but it was funny coming from him, and I felt it was perfect for here
http://imgur.com/vJSCfN9
...because it was kraken.
I was watching the Seattle Seahawks play against the Green Bay Packers tonight, and Derrick Coleman was shown on TV. I turned to my dad, "That's the deaf football player, right?"
Him "Huh?"
Me "That football player is deaf, right?"
Him " What?" As he held his hand up to his ear.
God damn it dad.
Was explaining Infamous to dad and mentioned the main character went to Seattle. I finished explaining the story and he replies: "Oh good ! They all lived happily ever after! Now whos Attle anyway?" "What do you mean?" I replied "Well the main character went to See Attle you said!" He shone with pride.
I'm a catering cook in Seattle and for new years eve we served a turkey bacon wrap. Whenever somebody ordered the wrap I would tell them, "last lunch of 2014, that's a wrap!"
Bro: I'm at a landslide convention in Seattle
Me: Is it.... moving?!
groan felt from across the country
...and he's speeding. We're northbound on the Seattle I-5, graced by the ever-too-common rain, and it's mostly empty.
Me: "I think you're going a little fast." Dad: "It's a gray area." Me: "What, speeding?" Dad: "No, Seattle."
We laughed like maniacs for 5 minutes.
Q: Why is Seattle (or any other rainy city) like Cher?
A: Because it's not fucking sunny anymore!
In Seattle, Two guys are fighting, when one of them says
guy1: "I'll punch you so hard you'll fly and drop in Portland"
guy2: "I'll punch you so hard you'll fly off and drop in Vegas"
And third guy walking past overhears this and asks,
"Which ones of you can give me half a punch, I need to get to LA"
My family was visiting relatives in Seattle and we were visiting the space needle. The person at the counter offers my dad a combo with some other attraction and he responds with
"Does this combo come with fries?"
