Hi, I’m just a neighbour from up North. And we’ve seemed to have lost one of our crows. If spotted down in Seattle please contact. “No this is not a joke”
This is not a joke... Cleveland's front office now rivals Seattle and Indianapolis as the best in the NFL. twitter.com/nfldraftscout…
r/Seattle user makes a joke about the mods, careless gets his panties in a bunch about it, and then he blames "the Internet hate machine" for his misunderstanding. np.reddit.com/r/Seattle/c…
After Seattle Times alert flub inspires jokes on Reddit, Seattle musician creates hipster parody of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ seattletimes.com/seattle-…
He’s joking. Context- a lot of snow is falling this weekend in Seattle and all of the grocery stores are empty
I told a joke to a Japanese guy earlier about Sodium and Nickel...
He didn't get it though, so he just said "NaNi?!"
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: “sir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied “oh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
New York, Portland And Seattle Sue Trump For Branding Them 'Anarchist' Cities huffpost.com/entry/new-yo…
Seattle BLM surrounding and yelling at a KIRO7 news crew outside the KC jail, with one man threatening the reporter v.redd.it/zi362t0hx2i51
My 10 year old came in with a piece of paper and said “Dad, I’ve got a joke for you.”
Then she ripped it in half and said, “Never mind, it’s tearable.”
I feel like I’ve succeeded as a dad.
[Dey] Ladner’s James Paxton and the Seattle Mariners have agreed to terms. The Big Maple returns to Seattle #MLB twitter.com/chad_dey/stat…
The Seattle Seahawks are NFC West champions for the 11th time in franchise history, and for the fifth time in Pete Carroll's tenure
[Caplan] NFL announced: Josh Gordon of the Seattle Seahawks has been suspended indefinitely without pay for violating the NFL policies on performance-enhancing substances and substances of abuse. twitter.com/caplannfl/sta…
Haven’t seen my son since he graduated and moved to Seattle in August for work because of Covid (Dallas Texas). I love his style and wanted to share this he sent today. Good luck to all sneaker heads this year and stay safe.
My dad burst into my room and said, “Wanna hear a joke?”, and then proceeded to fart for a whole minute.
He said. “Sorry. That was a long winded story.”
Arizona police have arrested a 59-year-old man from Seattle for discarding skulls and limbs from at least five people in a dense forest near Prescott, Arizona. thedailybeast.com/arizona…
[Urban] Arians told the story about Larry Fitzgerald jumping on him after a win in Seattle, hurting B.A.'s shoulder. B.A. had rotator cuff surgery, joked that Fitz owed him a car. Christmas morning, there was a Mercedes convertible in B.A.'s driveway with a big red bow, courtesy of Fitz. twitter.com/cardschatter/…
[McManus] Josh McCown played the second half vs. Seattle on a torn hamstring and is scheduled to undergo surgery Tuesday, sources tell ESPN. twitter.com/Tim_McManus/s…
Bill Gates at Dick’s Burgers, Seattle, Washington waiting in line to place his order. He’s a bro because he’s worth $95 BILLION, runs the largest charity in the world and still stand in line like the rest of us, for burger, fries and a Coke. Winner of life right here.
[Schefter] Former Panthers’ TE Greg Olsen is signing a one-year, $7 million deal that includes $5.5M gtd with the Seahawks, per source. Olsen visited and negotiated with Buffalo, Seattle and Washington but felt most comfortable with the Seahawks. twitter.com/AdamSchefter/…
#NFL announced: Josh Gordon of the Seattle Seahawks has been suspended indefinitely without pay for violating the NFL policies on performance-enhancing substances and substances of abuse. twitter.com/caplannfl/sta…
Dad jokes are the best and i am now gonna write why
Why
I was telling jokes about nuts and bolts
But then I screwed up.
[Rapoport] Marshawn Lynch and the #Seahawks are open to a reunion, and Lynch has told people he plans to travel to Seattle today to discuss it, sources tell me, @MikeGarafolo and @TomPelissero. #BeastMode could be back in Seattle. twitter.com/RapSheet/stat…
[Yates] Russell Wilson so far in 2019: 200-of-293 (68.3%), 2,505, 22 TD, 1 INT and Seattle is 7-2. The clear cut MVP front runner. twitter.com/FieldYates/st…
Fan ejected from the LA Galaxy's stadium for a banner reading "anti-fascist | anti-racist | always Seattle", which is against "League policy" according to club and league officials. twitter.com/zag08/status/…
Anytime I tell a terrible joke to my kids, I walk away from them and yell it from across the room.
If they groan, I say, “I think I took this joke too far.”
I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she'd heard all the jokes before...
So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.
(Cancel on me)
So i posted this OC in r/jokes a while ago and it only got 2 upvotes. Hoping you intellectuals will appreciate it more ....... Why do environmentalists iron their clothes?
To decrease the materials being used.
My wife: Why don’t you stop telling terrible Dad jokes and write a book instead?
Me: That’s.....a novel idea.
What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
Seattle care facility: "We’ve had patients who, within an hour’s time, show no symptoms to going to acute symptoms and being transferred to the hospital. And we've had patients die relatively quickly under those circumstances." twitter.com/balajis/statu…
Seattle announces monorail partnership and free public transit to games nhl.com/news/nhl-seattle-…
[Rapoport] Full details for the #Seahawks and QB Russell Wilson: 4 new years, $140M. $65M to sign. Total guarantee: $107M. A no-trade clause. ... Now, Wilson is under contract for 5 years and $157M. And staying in Seattle.💰💰💰 twitter.com/RapSheet/stat…
[Rapoport] For his return to Seattle, #Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch will make $60,588 in Week 17, plus whatever the playoff share ends up being… plus his share of online sales of “Unfinished business” and “Back in Action” apparel on his website. twitter.com/rapsheet/stat…
Small penis jokes count as a body shaming and are harmful.
I am a female, but I still dislike how acceptable it is to make jokes about small penises or degrade other people by saying "they must be compensating" and what not. I think it's harmful and should be just as frowned upon as other types of body shaming.
TIL Guns 'N Roses once went on tour with a car that broke down, so they hitchhiked to the gig, ate raw onions from a field along the way, made it to Seattle for the gig, and when they finished, the owner refused to pay them. They responded by trying, and failing, to burn the club down. ocweekly.com/read-an-exce…
[Wright] Last year, Seattle lost a playoff game to Dallas they should’ve won because they stubbornly kept running the ball. This year, they ran 32 RB handoffs, for a grand total of 58 yards, 1.8 YPC. They have Russell Wilson, and they call games like they have Blake Bortles. Awful. twitter.com/getnickwright…
I lost my keys at the beginning of the big Seattle snowstorm 2 weeks ago. The snow and ice is finally melting.
My friend kept going on and on about photography jokes....
I couldn't shutter up!
[Rapoport] It’s a reunion type of day: The #Seahawks are bringing back old friend and DE Bruce Irvin, source said. The former first-round draft pick heads home to Seattle. twitter.com/RapSheet/stat…
