Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies
-Thanks to Stuff to blow your mind podcast
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︎ Mar 29 2021
When I lived in Washington, DC, I formed a rock band with a friend who lived with severe obsessive-compulsive disorder.
OC/DC, we called ourselves.
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︎ Mar 30 2021
No historian has ever found the remainder of the cherry tree George Washington chopped down
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︎ Mar 10 2021
They tortured George Washington after he died.
They had him drawn and quartered.
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︎ Jan 17 2021
There is a HUGE snowstorm today in Washington, DC
There are thousands of snowflakes gathering in DC, crying because they lost the election and they can't con their way to victory.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Washington steak
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Whatβs with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?
I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.
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︎ Jan 19 2021
What's happening in Washington right now needs a name
I propose we call it the "Chicken Coup"
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Communists around the world watched gleefully as the Washington riots unfolded.
Karl Marx was right when he wrote Das Capitol.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
There was an article I read about this man who hasnβt woken up in years in Washington
I guess heβs in a Tacoma
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︎ Oct 29 2020
What did George Washington say to his reinforcements?
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︎ Sep 08 2020
What did George Washington say to his men before they stepped into the boat?
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I made a post on TIL about George Washington,
it got removed because it was βtoo Generalβ.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
I propose that the much desired New York Strip Steak be renamed to Washington DC.
This will make the District of Columbia, finally a steak.
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︎ Jun 27 2020
George Washington predicted that some day in the future, a dollar bill will contain his likeness.
In that sense, he was on the money.
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︎ May 09 2020
You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
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︎ Dec 09 2019
The guy who made this was a George Washington Carver
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︎ Oct 31 2019
I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.
I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle
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︎ Mar 16 2020
without the washington monument america would be a pointless nation
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︎ Oct 13 2019
Peanuts are great and all, but do you know what George Washington Carver SHOULD have been famous for?
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︎ Jul 22 2019
Washington Post with a cheesy headline
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︎ Apr 09 2019
What do you call George Washington's false teeth?
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︎ Mar 07 2018
Pencil Washington
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︎ Jun 12 2019
Long layovers in Washington, DC airports are so Dulles
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︎ Nov 13 2019
If George Washington, Ben Franklin, James Madison and Alexander Hamilton play D&D, do they roll for constitution?
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︎ Jan 23 2017
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?
Because he couldnβt lie.
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︎ Feb 19 2019
What is George Washingtonβs favorite animal?
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︎ Jun 09 2019
Can someone please draw Pencil Washington?
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︎ Feb 10 2019
Guys wanna see a chiseled Washington?
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︎ Sep 21 2018
A man turned to me and said, βI built the Washington monument.β
I replied, βyou raise a good point.β
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Where did George Washington get his hatchet?
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︎ Jun 27 2019
What did King George think about George Washington?
He thought he was revolting!
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︎ Apr 12 2019
Why are the sidewalks of Washington, D.C. so clean?
Because all the trash is in the White House.
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︎ Jan 27 2018
George Washington is the only president to not blame the previous administration for his problems
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︎ Nov 06 2018
The difference between Washington and Florida is like the difference between apples and oranges.
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︎ Dec 04 2018
I was named after George Washington
My name isn't the same as his I was just named after he was.
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︎ May 31 2017
What would George Washington do if he were alive today?
Scream and scratch his coffin.
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︎ Apr 08 2018
I asked my dad, who swore in Washington?
He said, most people who have been there, especially anyone who has driven there.
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︎ Nov 21 2018
What do you call a president who has to do a lot of laundry? Washington.
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︎ Oct 21 2018
After the March on Washington, MLK needed new shoes.
The shoe shop was ecstatic to have him as one of their customers, they left him with this kind remark:
"God bless your sole!"
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︎ Mar 27 2017
While she was taking me on a tour of the embassies in Washington D.C...
Her: This one's the Japanese embassy, this one's the Belgian embassy, this one's the Finnish embassy...
Me: The Finnish embassy? Where's the start embassy?
Her: .......
Me: :D
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︎ Jun 30 2014
There was an earthquake in Washington DC the other day...
It was obviously the government's fault.
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︎ Aug 04 2017
Where did George Washington keep his armies?
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What did George Washington say to his men before they got onto the boat?
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︎ Jun 20 2019
TIL: George Washington predicted that eventually the $1 bill will contain his likeness.
In that regard, he was on the money.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
George Washington predicted that one day, a dollar bill will bear his likeness.
In that regard, he was on the money.
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︎ Jul 16 2018
George Washington is the only president to have been drawn and quartered.
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︎ Oct 15 2017
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