I received the same newspaper from New York that I got yesterday!
Every 20 minutes a man in New York gets robbed.
My fart just wiped out half of new York.
It was a weapon of ass destruction
T-Rex: Look, honey... I think you should come to New York with me.
I can’t see you if you don’t move.
What do you call a pig from New York?
If Irving Berlin lived in Montreal instead of New York...
Would he have written ‘Poutine on the Ritz?’
Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....
.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?
Sorry New York Jets, but you just can’t score touchdowns.
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
What do you call an elf that lives in New York City?
What do you call a deer from New York
Never ask anyone whether they prefer New York City or Syracuse.
That's comparing apples to oranges.
Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago ?
Theres a lot of tall men around parts of new york
Especially long guy land.
My glitch happened when I forgot to renew my subscription to a weekly news magazine based in New York City.
Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals
Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?
"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."
2 cats in New York test pawsitive for Coronavirus
I propose that the much desired New York Strip Steak be renamed to Washington DC.
This will make the District of Columbia, finally a steak.
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
BREAKING NEWS: New York subway car breaks down after laptop explodes. When asked what happened, the NYPD responded:
A Dell set fire to the train
Ever wondered why there are so many people named Tony in New York?
It’s because on their luggage it said To N.Y
I can't believe they gave that engineer who wrecked the train in New York the electric chair. And he survived it!
I guess he just wasn't a very good conductor.
What New York borough has the lowest cholesterol levels?
The Russian president visited New York and stayed at a pretty swanky hotel.
He was Putin on the Ritz.
Where does Black Panther stay when he's in New York?
What is Edward Benedict's, Humpty Dumpty's cousin from New York, favorite time of year?
What does the chef of a Chinese New York restaurant say, when you barge into their kitchen?
What building in New York has the most stories?
New York City once had 4 sections and New Jersey needed to borough one.
When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?
"DELETER OF THE FREE WORLD" - New York Post front page on the Hillary email scandal
imgur.com/0BNIPzn
Why did the vampire subscribe to the new york times?
He heard it had great circulation.
Btw can we start a trend of holloween dad jokes for the coming month? Plus I'd love to hear some pumpkin puns.
How do you ask the bridge that crosses New York's Hudson River between Tarrytown and Nyack if it speaks German?
What should you do if you see someone choking at a famous New York museum?
Perform the Guggenheimlich maneuver.
New York Customer tells the chef that he knows the secret ingredient
The chef promptly asks who told you? Customer says, I have my sauces.
What did the fisherman from New York say to the magician?
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
New York Post: "How Patriots owner Robert Craft could get off in prostitution case"
I was once so drunk I went from New York to Alabama,
I guess you could say I wasn’t in the best of states.
When my friend from New York City drove to Nebraska in his Honda SUV, he went for a walk in the countryside...
He was out of his Element.
New York MTA (subway) dad must be in control of writing for the website...
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