Whenever we go to a buffet, I always ask my wife to get my food for me.

I just can't help myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
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Warren Buffet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkishturtles
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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At the last buffet I went to, I ate two plates.

I wish I would have found the food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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I went to a dinner party yesterday. The hosts are chefs and made all kinds of food, buffet style. I arrived early had some hors d'oeuvres. Then I realized I was thirsty, and I wanted to try the mixed juice drink. At this point everyone else was getting food, so I walked right up and got a cup...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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What did the Hulk say when he was told every superhero loves waffles at the breakfast buffet?

Not all heroes, where crepes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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What do you call a buffet for sheep?

All you can bleat!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/styxdyxx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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I asked a girl out on a date to a buffet tonight...

She said "no thanks, I have a lot on my plate right now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pdas1996
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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Local buffet was out of traditional Indian flatbread

I told them it was a naan issue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAM3SBND
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.

They said I was being too shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/txredwolf11
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Ever heard of the buffet that lets you eat free if you bring your welsh cattle dog?

I hear its a real corgishborg.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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Why was the stopwatch behind when it left the buffet?

It kept going back four seconds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mini_Mega
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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The all you can eat seafood buffet had restrictions I didn’t know about :/

I should have read the crab clause

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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Warren Buffet (self-made billionaire) holds an annual conference for aspiring entrepreneurs.

When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the β€œBuffett Buffet.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/realmattmoseley
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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I went to a $15 all-you-can-eat buffet and when I got up to refill my plate, the manager said that I wasn’t allowed to get seconds.

I said, β€œWhat happened to β€˜all-you-can-eat for $15?’”

The manager said, β€œThat is all you can eat for $15 dollars.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2010_12_24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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I changed therapists after my last one hosted a buffet party.

He came up to me and said, "Help yourself."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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I want to open a buffet restaurant with only glutenous foods...

called β€œall you can wheat”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrooveMerchant12
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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So I went to a buffet with my dad the other day,

He couldn’t find the punch line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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Man, Warren Buffet is so goddamned rich.

Every time I go to one of his restaurants they let you eat whatever you want.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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I'm always the last one eating at the Chinese buffet

Rice guys finish last.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dannyofangell
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
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Why do people at buffets look so stressed?

They have a lot on their plate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wdfowty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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What do you call a buffet with lot's of garlic.

Buffet The Vampire Slayer.

(Made it up at work today and got a polite chuckle.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomosk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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Did you hear that Nashville's goaltender got thrown out of an all-you-can-eat pasta buffet during the Stanley Cup?

Turns out Pekka Rinne can wreck a penne...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_Stick
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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Went to an Indian buffet for dinner.

I ate until there was naan left.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jkozuch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
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Working the buffet...

Grabbing some white rice, yellow rice, and some brown rice along the way.

Daughter asks "Why are you getting some of each?"

"'Cos I'm all about ricial diversity."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthp8r
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2016
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We just ate Indian buffet . . .

I'm going into a food korma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fendaar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
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Following a nice family lunch a buffet...

Mom: "Did you guys eat well?"

My brother and me: "Yes."

Dad: "So how does well taste?"

I'll admit, I laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thechrisblaze
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2015
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Got my wife at the Chinese buffet

My wife asked me to get her some soup at the buffet but there were no dumplings for the soup. I apologized for returning without the soup knowing that it, "left her wonton".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foment_life
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Buffets

I hate eating at buffets; everyone there is a self serving jerk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IndomitableFox
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2016
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Got double dad joked at a buffet.

I was standing in line when I had to sneeze. I sneezed 3 times when an old man came up to me with his wife and said "She thinks you sneezing is funny, but it's snot." Then he said to his wife "He's just trying to make the tissue dance, he put a boogy in it." As a bonus, while I was laughing, the wife groaned and he turned and yelled, " YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR!" Great father's day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maitlandius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
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Dadjoke at a buffet

After my parents and I have our drink order taken, my mother tells my dad to, "Watch my purse while I go and get my food." He replies with "Watch it do what? It just sits there." Classic dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/master_sloth10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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I went out with my family to a Chinese buffet for Father's Day

I saw my mom with a plate of crab legs and asked her "Where's the crab?" Dad responds with "Don't talk about me like that, I'm right here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/njdrew322
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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What my dad always says when we go to a buffet...

Buffet stands for Big Ugly Fat Folks Eating Things

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RyRocks101
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
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