Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
If Abraham Lincoln had gone on a hunger strike there would have been an Emaciation Proclamation.
What Happens If You Are Sitting on the Toilet at 11:59 and the Clock Strikes Midnight?
Same shit, different day.
What do you get when lightning strikes a pecan tree?
What did the lungs say to the bladder when they went on strike
Shout out to the guy who just got a third strike in baseball.
I just read an early draft of The Empire Strikes Back...
...Yoda originally spent part of his exile as a shepherd.
All the sheep, Dagobah.
History has shown that during the Cold War, the US warheads feared a Soviet nuclear strike
So I was on a flight the other day when they guy next to me asked me if I heard of “bird strikes.”
I honestly didn’t think they could hold signs.
How do meteorologist track lightning strikes?
The last drone strike was brutal
They stopped working for a month
Why will my dad take his glasses off as soon as the clock strikes midnight this New Year?
So he can say he now has 2020 vision.
If the typist goes on strike,
Is it called the typing rebellion?
What do you call it when you strike a cow with a snow globe?
My Russian friend is on strike down at the napkin factory.
He's in the serviette union
brother-in-law strikes again!
Rocket man strikes again.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
The count is two balls, one strike.
Guess what kinds of shirts the terrorists wear in Counter Strike?
Did you hear about the two wealthiest gold mines that went on strike?
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
Our sanitation workers going on strike...
I told my wife that I was going on a hunger strike.
I am going to make sure there is always food available.
Who calls balls and strikes at the annual Vatican softball game?
The Holy Roman Umpire!
... sorry.
When Gandhi was on his first hunger strike
People would routinely bring him bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, sometimes leaving bruises and welts. He justified it by saying it was all a part of his philosophy of naan-violence.
Are you smart? Then tell me. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to repair the clock.
I was socializing with a new coworker, when she said: “you strike me as a dad.”
I said: “Hold on there, I wouldn’t hit you whether I had kids or not.”
Orthodontists are going on strike
Orthodontists are going on strike.
Brace yourselves!
What kind of vegetable doesn’t get a strike when bowling?
While discussing Jordan conducting air strikes on ISIS
Dad: Did you hear about how Jordan has been bombing ISIS?
Me: Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
Dad: I know... So do you think Jordan's Air Force is called "Air Jordan"?
Me: :-/
Dad: They probably have the Nike logo on their jets.
I was just about to think of a bowling joke, since I know that would strike a chord with all you “dads,” but
I thought i’d spare you the trouble.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
When the midwives all went on strike...
Bowling cheat strikes again!
Did you hear about the mimes who went on strike?
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance
I don't get how professional baseball pitchers throw strikes
it looks to me like they always throw balls
Dad joke orbital strike from yesterday.
Christmas dinner, 2013. My mother in law is asked if she'd like some wine, is offered choices, Pinot Grigio, Mulled Apple or Cabernet. She's indecisive for a minute or so. Eventually, she settles on the apple wine. Her father comments, "well that sure took a long time."
I retorted with, "Well, she had to mull it over for a bit."
Simultaneously, 4 generations of women roll their eyes at me, while the guys all laugh.
What did I do when my co-workers at the candy factory staged a strike to protest the commercialization of Easter Sunday?
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
If you are sitting on the toilet pooping starting at 11:59 and the clock strikes midnight...
It's the same crap, different day.
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