BREAKING NEWS: Truck hauling pigment collides with tour bus on bridge and both fall into river

Thankfully no lives lost, but everyone dyed

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/garbagearmy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/iwillhavethat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
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The red ship collided with a blue ship!

The crews got marooned...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/linkhandford
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is pronounced dead after colliding with a flock of seagulls and a 747 over Madrid.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nsh921
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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A hockey player collided with another player on the ice and knocked out a few of his teeth.

However it was acci-dental.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DENelson83
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Buddy collided with a delivery truck - he got stabbed with the antenna.. Diagnosis?

A van aerial disease

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dabiker68
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2020
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A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying blue paint.

Both crews ended up marooned.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/washcapsfan37
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Earlier today a prison transport collided with a cementtruck

The police is now on the look-out for five hardened criminals

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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A cement mixer collided with a prison bus today

Police have told locals to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
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On the turnpike during rush hour, a truck carrying blue paint collided with a truck carrying red paint.

It was terrible! Everybody was marooned!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bluefoot55
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 18 2015
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think itโ€™s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine thereโ€™s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just โ€œlending the team a handโ€ by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fanโ€™s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was โ€œhit by pitchโ€?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ballโ€™s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? Thereโ€™d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesnโ€™t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcherโ€™s dinner?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/grumpy_princess
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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At Mad Max last weekend...

The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,

and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy

I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/worldspawn00
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2015
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A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying brown paint

It is believed both crews are marooned

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Whoshabooboo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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