After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Certainly," he replied.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Why does McDonalds not have a steak sandwich on the menu?

Because it would be a McSteak

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDTaiwan23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
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Tried a new item on the menu, Pelican burger.

It was great, but the bill was enormous.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Can I ask about the menu please?

The men I please are none of your business!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaystibelman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food ?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
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The menu please
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/raskholnikov
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
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Why did the Indian restaurant take their bread off the appetizer menu?

It was a Naan starter.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffreyPetersen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
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Due to the current economic climate, our Diner menu for Profiteroles was renamed to..

..Deficiteroles

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
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I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.

I said "No, that's the last thing I want"

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eastawat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
(fairly certain this is original) I'm out to eat with my girl and the server tells us to scan the barcode on the table to see the menu.

After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.

I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadnivek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Customer: I have a question about the menu please.

Server: slaps customer THE MEN I PLEASE ARE NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HIGHxCLASSxHOBO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Date night with my wife and as she's reading the menu she asks, "Is anything popping out at you?"

I said, "I don't think it's that kind of book."

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
"Waitress,can I ask you something about the menu please ?"

Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] "The men I please are none of your business !"....OOF

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Customer: β€œI have a question about the menu please?”

Waitress: β€œYou don’t need to know anything about the men I please”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeremiahB36
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, β€œI’ll take a turtle soup...

and make it snappy”.

I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Marcellus-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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Penn's mother's sister had a pie shop. The menu was simply called "The pie rates of Penn's aunt."
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ro_Yo_Mi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She kicked me out and said β€œThe men I please are none of your business!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I was in Greece at a restaurant and my dad walked up to me with the menu....

....he asked me if I could read it because it was all Greek to him. He was so proud of his joke I didn't have the heart to tell him I hated him for leaving me when I was 3.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomasBerdshit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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New pizza place opened up. Cracking menu. Radagast the Brownie is my favorite.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThorsRake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Need help for wedding menu!

We have ice cream flavors like Mint to Be (Oreo mint) and Brownie Eyed Girl (chocolate Brownie, brides flavor) but need help for a name for vanilla cookie dough. It’s the grooms flavor, his name is Chris if that helps. THANKS REDDIT

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airianathegreat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I heard McDonald's would be offering steak on the menu.

I personally think it will be their biggest McStake ever.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azikiro
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife always eats off the kids menu

No idea why she doesn't use a plate like everyone else.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emerty
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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McDonalds always changing the menu tsk tsk reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adragon99999
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Need funny puns for my food truck menu items

Hey y'all. I have an açaí bowl food truck in Fort Worth, TX, and we've always had some pretty witty menu item names. For exmaple, we just took off "the Big Lebolwski"

 

We just added some things to our menu. Here it is: https://www.rollinnbowlin.com/menu

 

Anyone have a good funny pun name for our avocado toast? I'll post a picture of our menu on our food truck if someone gives me a really good name! And if you have any better names for any of our items, I'd love to hear them!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently ate at an east African restaurant. On their menu, one of the items was a mini tamale...

They called it a Somali.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuestionMarkyMark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
So we got a new menu at work
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mello14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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There's a new menu item at the German place around the corner.

Eins fries that you really should drei.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AwwwSnack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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A jewish person walks into Outback Steakhouse and orders his favorite steak on the menu

Rabbi

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Was at the Cheesecake Factory last night, saw Chicken Bellagio on the menu.

Sounds good, but I think it might be a bit of a gamble

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamManfred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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My sister asked me, while looking at her menu, "Where are the sides?"

I replied, "Usually next to the main course."

She was not amused. I giggled for 20 minutes. And texted several friends.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnShimmy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Every single time we go to a restaurant with sea bass on the menu

my dad will ask the waiter if their sea bass is ill tempered. Here is a link to the scene from Austin Powers for anyone who doesn't know the line. Only two waiters have ever gotten the joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etheril
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2013
🚨︎ report
So my wife was looking over the menu at a restaurant and said "why do people even like monte christo sandwiches?"

I told her they were easy to count.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmoffitt15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
A waiter brings a small post-it note to a couple instead of a menu.

It has "You look lovely" and "I love what you've done with your hair" written on it. The couple look confused and ask the waiter what's going on.

"Compliments of the Chef." he says.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaenysSeregaryen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2016
🚨︎ report
If you had a dad-joke themed restaurant, what would be on the menu?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmonoenano
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
🚨︎ report
I was eating at Chin Chin's in NY NY in Las Vegas when I saw this on their menu

http://imgur.com/ddYc44E

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebelE16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
🚨︎ report
I just asked where the pancakes are, I can't find them on the menu.

Dad said, "In the kitchen, of course."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GambitGamer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Every time he sees lamb on the menu.

Dad: "How's the lamb? I hear it's not baaaad!"

Waiter laughs a little bit and agrees. Brother's palm hits his forehead in disbelief. Repeat at every subsequent restaurant visit at which lamb is offered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grnot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
While browsing a restaurant menu...

I ask the waiter, "I see you have a Cajun Chicken Pasta, but I'm trying to be more conscious of where my food comes from. Do you have a cage free chicken pasta?"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLync
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
🚨︎ report
After a commercial for a children's menu

Dad: It's sad for those kids isn't it?

Me: Sad? What do you mean?

Dad: Well that they offer children as a menu!

Me: facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyingDutchkid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
🚨︎ report
KFC Australia - Cricket Season Menu...

The two boys working the counter were having a hard time finding the special deals on the register.

Workers - "Sorry, it's a whole new menu for the cricket season" Customer - "ah yeah.. howzat?"

It didn't look like the staff appreciated it very much...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silverbeet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She kicked me out and said β€œThe men I please are none of your business!”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeeFarkas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report

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