Now I can't read anything.
And the guy says “how many tattoos I have now”
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
Number 3 will shock you
One, ein, un, bat, ekab, moja, wahed, odin, yski
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweepi... keep reading on reddit ➡
He puts it in elf-abetical order.
Now I can't read it.
Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?
Me: Everything! Without me, you’re gonna have to do everything on that list.
Wife: groans and rolls eyes
-excerpt from my upcoming song "Walken in a Winter Wonderland"
Shirts? Yup. Pants? Yup. Sweatpants? Yup. Nikes? CHECK!
Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”
But No pun in ten did.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
But it's up there.
Mine is just pail in comparison.
so she wrote down everything
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0.
It’s for a discord bot I’m going to put in a server full of people who could use some dad jokes
Because they're naughty-cal
I call it the flip charts.
Mine is just a little pail in comparison.
I thought to myself, "Boy this looks like a real recipe for disaster!"
An absolute cracker
Me: “Chamorro? It’s Chursday.”
So far for States I have: Catifornia North and South Catolina Oklahomeow Oregato Furorida Mew York, Jersey, Hampshire, Mexico Connectikitty
For cities I have: Mew York Kitty Felinedelphia San Digato Mewmphis Chigato San Furanciso Indianapawlis Clawmbus
He was named Justin Case.
Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?
He pulled a rabbit out of his hat
What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?
Whose dean’s he?
A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:
“Ab rack and dab rack”
What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?
Slight of hand
The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He broug... keep reading on reddit ➡
Doc: Wow, it's very organized ;)
I told her there's no way we could do all that in 30 seconds.
It's a legend.
"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.
But now I can't read anything.
Now I can't read any of it