What does a comedian take inventory of before a show?

Their laughing stock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omj_in_his_jalopy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Looks like Walmart's beer inventory is tanking due to sales imgur.com/bOgcjnB
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainMorgansRum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
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When doing end of quarter inventory,

Any help you can get really counts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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I'm sick of doing inventory for hours at the bakery

At yeast I'm feeling better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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Where does IKEA keep all of its inventory?

Stockhome

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CablesOtherArm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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What do you call humorous inventory?

A Laughing Stock

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Avasnay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2018
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I was at an inventory...

And there was a coffee on a counter. One of the employees knocked the coffee over and it spilled on the ground. The owner of the coffee was upset but I told her at least it was freshly ground!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dilemmaemma15
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2017
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Why can't the guy who does inventory for Lipton go out and have a beer after work?

Because he is a tea totaller.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smashbro713
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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I heard it's very difficult to do inventory in Afghanistan...

Because of the tally ban.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedaveabides98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
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I was doing inventory today...

I was doing inventory and I knocked a bunch of little cups and lids I was counting all over the floor. And I felt like Dracula. Because, you see, I was surrounded by victims of...the count!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsaru
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweepi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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What’s the worst part about cloning sheep?

Falling asleep while counting the inventory.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/melissa3513
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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My friend's bakery burned down last night....

Now all his inventory is toast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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I dad joked my boss like...

A vendor walks in the store and says.. "I have some German silver if you would like to add to your inventory". My boss replies "what is German silver and how is it different?" I replied from my office with an accent "I think German silver is NEIN 2 5". Nobody understood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaasett
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2015
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My wife dadjoked my son (and me) with this Minecraft gem.

Our 8 y/o son loves Minecraft. Without our oversight, he'd play all day every day. He was allowed to play on Sunday afternoon. He chose to play survivor mode, and he came running into the room where we were sitting to brag, "MOM, PAPI, I dug a shaft down into this hill and I found TWO DIAMONDS!"

He continued on, "So, since I'm in survival mode, should I use the diamonds to make a hoe or a pickax?" Something like that, comparing what it would cost him from something called his "workbench" and "inventory." Admittedly, I've only played creative mode with him, so I don't know all the terms.

Anyway, without missing a beat, my wife says, "Son, always spend your diamonds on hoes."

I love that woman so very much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wuapinmon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
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I think I pulled an Abbott and Costello on my drama teacher.

Earlier today, we were going through costume inventory for our next musical and my teacher was going through the wigs.

Him: "Okay, we have a sugar plum wig, a fairy godmother wig, a witch wig..."

Me: "Hey, Mr. Teacher, which wig?"

Him: "The witch wig."

Me: "That's what I'm asking."

One person groaned in the back,, and slowly, everyone got the joke and was groaning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefonio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
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A scientist and his assistant

A scientist and his assistant are in the lab. In front of them is a tank with two fish swimming around. the scientist says to his assistant, "Go into the specimen room and get two more fish."

So the assistant grabs a cart, goes across the hall to the specimen room, puts in his access code on the number panel, pushes the cart in, picks up two fish bowls, each with a fish swimming around, and places them in the cart.

Then he pushes the cart back across the hall into the lab, checking to make sure the door to the specimen room shuts behind him, brings the cart in.

The scientist says, "Pour each fish into the tank with the other two."

So the assistant pushes the cart right next to the tank, picks up each bowl and pours them into the tank with the other fish "

The scientist says, "Now go get some electrical wire out of the storage room."

So the assistant leaves the lab, walks down the hall to the storage room, puts in his access code, grabs a coil of copper wire, marks how much he

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redremnant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweepi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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