A cousin of mine is in charge of distribution for this big pickle company; he was freaking out over the weekend after sending only miniature pickle chips to a restaurant that asked for full sized ones..

They told him it wasn't a big dill, though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y33T-HAW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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Weight Distribution in Layman Terms
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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Have you heard about the 80's pop duo who are now working in cereal distribution?

They're haulin' oats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alaginge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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Learning about geographical disease distribution.

Teacher: "Does anyone know what molds and stuff can be found in various locations?"

Me: "Well I'm a fungi, and I'm usually here in Colorado."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/420boobs69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
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Doctors are pleased at how wide-spread influenza suppression meds have been distributed, in preparation to being used...

They say it's gone anti-viral.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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If I were a Rapper, my Rapper name would be Gershwin. I would distribute my CD's in blue wrappers

They would be Gershin's Rap CDs in Blue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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What do an evenly distributed mixture and a really smart gay dude have in common?

They're both homogeneous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/minizatic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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What do you call it when someone is payed to distribute cocaine?

Blowjob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2016
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I found out that confirmed ghost sightings follow a bell curve.

Or in other words, a paranormal distribution.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerup4444
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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Foiled it.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rvghteous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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What’s a communists favorite part of math?

The distributive property.

πŸ‘︎ 390
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sivismag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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How do statisticians tell if a shirt is hand made

They perform a tee test. To determine if it's normally distributed.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I think my brother is ready for kids.

"Everyone's freaking out that Matt Damon is bourne again, who cares what his religion is. He's just an actor."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakesOfMilk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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My wife plays violin. I used to play trumpet. Last night we talked aviation.

My wife plays violin and her first rehearsal with a new orchestra is near. She had access to an electronic copy of the music, but wondered whether the orchestra would distribute paper copies at the rehearsal. For orchestras, the section leaders decide when everyone's bows will be moving up vs. down and annotate the music accordingly. Copies of the annotated music are distributed to the players. As a trumpet player who's never needed that kind of annotation, I've always been able to use the originals.

Wife: "String players never play from the originals because we have bowings."

Me: "And wind players have Airbuses!"

Wife: "That joke was just plane awful."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfofurn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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25 and still getting dad joked.

I was discussing my new job in a home improvement chain's distribution center with my dad and told him I unloaded a truck full of blinds. His response, "Sounds shady."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_one_fell
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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Help! I need puns about puzzles!

Context: There is an upcoming 250 piece puzzle-making competition at work where teams compete to be the fastest puzzle-solvers. It is a corporate activity. I'm writing the invitation to be distributed and I want to get people participating. Help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shilreddit
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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Doctors are moving away from BMI for diagnosing obesity

I think the earlier challenges in comprehensive diagnosis came from the difficulty in getting results from patients. BMI is so easy it's automatic.

Meanwhile, getting body fat percentage required calipers or an intensive water displacement test. The distribution of body fat is never concrete; when does back fat stop and butt fat begin? Then, negative physiological effects of these two is the third indicator. Those need a host of diagnoses.

We are moving to a time when getting those figures has never been easier and thus could have never before been done on a large scale.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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When life gives you Lenins...

distribute them evenly among the people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hokyshmokes9710
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2013
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Made a few dad jokes at work this week

So I work in a distribution wearhouse for an orange chainsaw company and I work there with my dad.

So a few of the guys in the wearhouse like to wear toques, a winter hat that covers your ears for you non-Canadians, and my dad mentioned this to me as we're heading off to lunch so I say, "well, I guess there are toque kinds of people...". Even my dad groaned.

One of the afore mentioned toque wearing guys was picking a particularly big order consisting of mostly gloves, and he starts complaining that there are too many damn gloves in this order. So I sarcastically replied, "I bet you just gloved picking that order." He just turned around and walked away and didn't speak to me the rest of the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dorminder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2015
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My dad and steamed fish (not really a dad joke; just my dad's thing)

Chinese dude here.

Every time we have dinner with extended family, we'll have a whole steamed fish as one of the courses.

My dad will usually be the person to cut up and distribute the fish among the family.

Every time he does that, he'll use the spoon and fork to make the fish mouth "thunder, thunder, THUNDERCATS! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" before cutting up the fish followed by this shit-eating grin around the table. No one above the age of 14 laughs.

The younger cousins find this funny and that's probably why my dad keeps doing it every freaking time.

Just my dad's thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MechBear
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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Joke de père

Im french-canadian. ^^"Hi ^^french-canadian, ^^im ^^dad" ^^done!

Im made an awesome dadjoke earlier but it is french. Im still gonna tell you, cause its awesome, but don't worrie, I'll explain it over and over and laugh doing it, because, after all, im a dad and the same rules apply, whatever the language.

So, the mother was distributing cookies after the meal. One for the daughter, one for me and 2 for her. Doing it, she said "le deuxième, c'est mon pourboire" (the second is my tip) in french, tip is pourboire, but, if you separate the word like so "pour boire" it means "for drinking". So, I said to her "pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger!" (for drinking? Cookies are for eating)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA. FUCK ME, ITS HILARIOUS.

See, its a classic dadjoke in french and I still got her good! "Pour boire? Ben non, c'est pour manger" hahahahah. Cause you don't drink cookie, you eat it. Hahaha. So great. Eyes were rolling all over the place, I almost step on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brunovitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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Calendar Joke

I do logistics for a small distributing company. A container of calendars came in and the warehouse guys were hustling to get it empty. I walked out of my office and said "Hey guys slow down. Y'all have a lot of time on your hands."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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