Allotment Puns

I think he is slowly losing the plot...

I lost the plot.

... that's a plot twist.

I've been told that I'm losing the plot.

He's losing the plot.

A Tyranothesaurus Rex

It means allot.

The plot thickens.

I was down on the allotment yesterday, tending my brassicas, doing a bit of weeding, that kind of thing. A bloke comes up to me and says "What are you doing?" I said, "I'm just tending my brassicas, doing a bit of weeding, that kind of thing." He says, "I've told you before, this isn't your allotment."

Thinking about it, he's right. And it's the third time he's told me.

I think I'm losing the plot.

They both mean allot to me.

I allot a lot a lot.

The day was raining like fish blown up by dynamite. The only jacket I had for the situation was fire Red with layered protection from such fish. I'm going to my college computer lab, trying to get my 24 hours of time in there done. It requires you to sign in with your student ID.

"May I see you card?" the teacher asks.

"Sure... So, how much time do I have allotted?" I asked after she signed me in.

"Huh? Oh, wait, sorry, can I see your card again? "

"Wait, I don't own a Cardigan"

Being an English teacher, she smiled and caught it quickly, "No, your card, but your jacket might suffice otherwise."

Edit: This might be too much setup for a stiff joke.

My students are allot like pirates

Why?

Because they live out at C.