Don't tell jokes about lost USPS parcels.

Nobody gets them.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:

'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnexampledSalt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Hello little parcel babies
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darthmonks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I taught my son what it means to own a parcel of land.

He was very appreciative. He said thanks, that means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I like receiving parcels in the mail.

You could say I'm partial to them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was delivering a parcel when I saw a letter on the door. It said: Nobody's home.

I thought, 'It has to be someone's.'

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you have a huge fan that I could put on this parcel of land?

It’d be a lot-cooler if you did.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2dachopper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I sent a food parcel to my former wife. Fed Ex. punsville.com/best/page/3…
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did Harry Potter get along well with Postmen?

It's because he spoke parcel-tongue.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s0apyjam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why do Italian people bring ravioli to birthday parties?

So they can pasta parcel!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/obiwan_kenobinil
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
How does Harry Potter makeout with the delivery lady?

With his parcel tongue

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/morningshawa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the UPS guy say to the FedEx guy?

I'm not sure... They were speaking parcel-tongue.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone wanna play an Italian party game?

Its called pasta parcel

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The UPS guy must be a Harry Potter fan...

I just heard him speaking parcel-tongue.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What language is only spoken among mailmen?

Parcel tongue

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smaxwellreddit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm studying to become a delivery driver.

Hopefully I parcel the exams.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My professor said I could mail in my essay.

But he would only give me parcel credit.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What langue do UPS men speak?

Parcel Tongue

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/soulstealer1984
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
What do delivery workers speak?

Parcel tongue

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Your_house_plant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Cure for Boredom

Ok so here's what you do.

Go onto Amazon or Ebay or whatever and purchase a small dog cage. Make SURE that is is made of either completely STEEL. Nothing else. Get advanced shipping or whatever gets it to your door as fast as humanly possible. Now wait patiently for your package to arrive. Once the delivery person knocks on your door to get you to sign for your package tell them to wait until you open the box. If they seem leery of you explain that you have had trouble in the past with your parcels and you just want to make sure that your order is correct. Open the box and remove the cage from the box. Inspect it thoroughly. Now LISTEN CAREFULLY! This is the part you can't mess up. Look up from the cage and stare into that poor delivery person's eyes. Like so deep you can see their ancestors. Say these exact words. "I knew it... I can't believe I ordered a nickel less cage."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Endangerd_Box
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
🚨︎ report
Double dad joked by my gf

(Talking about World Cup fixtures)

Me: damn, no Korea(courier) today.

Her: oh, were you expecting a parcel?

Me: very funny.

Her: thanks. It's all in the delivery.

Me: groans

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noslek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
🚨︎ report
What do Italian children like to play at birthday parties?

Pasta parcel.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nishan_572
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.