My friend had a table candle featuring glitter and 100 fibrous bundles to light...

It was pretty wicked!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Has anyone here lost a bundle of twenty dollar bills?

Because we found the rubber band

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/novaerbenn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle just below the knot.



Then ask someone, "which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?"


After they guess, let in unravel and go, "Its a tie!"


...continue doing this to every single person you can in the room wearing a shit eating grin the whole time, until your wife pulls you aside and tells you it's time to leave (out of embarrassment and frustration).


now you get to go back home and do Dad stuff as you please!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/jakjaklivs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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What do Mexican ghosts bundle up with?


πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dockie27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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If you had to pay for reddit and were offered a discount on a subscription bundle to r/funny, r/comedycemetry and r/jokes

Would that be a cents off humour failure?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaggington
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.

She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that he’s cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. She’s puzzled for a second and then says:

Icy, what you did there.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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My friend started a company a few years ago that binds quantities of material together...

He makes a bundle!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
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Just thank you
πŸ‘︎ 695
πŸ‘€︎ u/eldergodofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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When I noticed β€œHI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend...

Then I saw the next two letters...

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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There's an onion, and he's studying law at a prestigious college. He's in his third year, and after a particularly tough day, he gets an invite from one of his onion-friends to a party they're having that evening.

Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.

So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.

He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.

As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.

She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.

This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.

When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.

This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.

The two couldn't be happier!

They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.

One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.

She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.

She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.

A shallot, if you will.

A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.

They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.

The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.

Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.

Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.

He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.

One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.

The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.

She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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What is brown and rhymes with Snoop Dogg?

"Uh....poop log" I answered.

"Nope. It's Dr. Dre."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/LegoGreenLantern
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2015
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My friend just started a business gathering sticks together and tying them for convenient handling...

He hopes to make a bundle!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Mother: What shall we name him?

Disclaimer, I am a mom, not a dad and my teenager gave me a dirty look when I told her this joke which I was very pleased to think up.

[Scene: Hospital Delivery Room.

Father holding his bundled newborn.

Mother of the child looking on lovingly from hospital bed.]

Mother: What shall we name him?

Father: His name is Mike.

(drops baby)

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/StcStasi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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Lost If Found:

Water-tight bundles of untraceable drug-dealer cash.

Lost somewhere on the beach between West Palm Beach and Nag's Head, NC.

Also, loose pirate treasure of gold or silver.

Sentimental value. Small reward offered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Quest Bars should be harder to find.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2018
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When I was helping my dad rewire part of the house he told me that he could tell that a convict had done the old electrical work.

When I asked why he showed me a bundle of wires and said, "It's all confused."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/JediOfTheShire
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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Horse Puns

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: β€œHey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: β€œWhat, George?”

A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. β€œEvenin’” says the barman, β€œwhy the long face?”

A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: β€œWait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: β€œThis alright?” The barman says: β€œHmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”

A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: β€œI shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” β€œWhy, what have you got?” β€œAbout Β£2 and a carrot.”

Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours

A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. β€œWill I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: β€œOf course you will, and you’ll probably win!”

Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!

A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

β€œI’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. β€œWe don’t serve spirits..

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. β€œExcuse me, good sir,” the horse says, β€œare you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, β€œSorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. β€œWhy would the circus need a bartender?”

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.

What did the horse say when it fell? β€œI’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.

Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!

What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?

What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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My mum has worse jokes than my dad...

Having dinner at the local pub when my mum asks what my girlfriend is currently doing at uni. I told her she's been collecting sticks for an art installation assignment: Me: "She's gonna look like a weirdo catching the train into the CBD." Mum: "Yeah, people are gonna be going up to her and telling her she's a faggot."

"Faggot" means a bundle of sticks, for those who aren't aware.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarrington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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My Grandpa on his death bed

Nurse: Aren't you hot in there?

Grandpa: I haven't gone to hell just yet.

Nurse: laughs Where are your feet?

Grandpa: At the end of me legs.

This was in 1998. He was bundled up in some blankets, and the nurse was about to change his socks. And yes, he said 'me legs'. Not sure if that qualifies as a dad joke exactly, but it's a fond memory.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Champloo-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2014
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I countered a customer's dadjoke with another dadjoke.

A guy holding a large bundle of birthday balloons got into my cab last night.

Him: So... do you accept balloon payments?

Me: Normally I would, but inflation has just been so high recently...

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tongueston
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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Driving through Iowa...

Silence as we pass fields and fields of crops with hay all tied up into nice cylindrical bundles when my dad says, "Huh... How's a cow supposed to get a square meal around here?"

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ‘€︎ u/nivekd
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
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