It's a bit embarrassing to admit on here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street Mimes..
..and they did some unspeakable things to me.
What do you call a bunch of whales that play instruments?
What do you call a bunch of flies in a vacuum chamber?
Walks.
For those who didn't get it , it's okay , there's no pressure at all !
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Damn. Just got fired from my liquor store job. I spilled a bunch of vodka.
It was an Absolut mess.
(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)
A group of physicists came to my restaurant today, ate then explained what the force required to accelerate a mass of one gram at a rate of one centimeter per second squared is. Then when my attention was elsewhere, they all left, leaving behind a bunch of hyphens...
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
2 women in a restaurant, when a duck walks in with a huge bunch of flowers. He places them on the table and says,
"You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes. "
One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, I ordered AROMATIC duck."
What is keeping a bunch of fish in an aquarium called?
My wife came home with a bunch of spring flowers and asked where I'd like her to put them.
I said, " I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips."
What do you call it when a random person farts on a bunch of strangers?
A bunch of books fell on me yesterday, but I couldn’t find anyone at fault in the accident.
I only have my shelf to blame.
My dog chewed up a bunch of stuff yesterday. Now he’s feeling gnawseous
My son asked me if the whole family was just a bunch of pyromaniacs.
If a bunch of people simp for someone....
....do they become a simphony?
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
I had a bunch of metal pipes inside of me after my lung transplant.
Guess they got the wrong organ donor.
What do you get when a bunch of male deer go into outer space ?
I just tried chasing a bunch of female geese off my lawn...
as I was chasing them the female geese kept yelling, " Hunk, hunk, hunk, hunk.".
The wizard in my campaign just got handed a whole bunch of random, unlabeled Sesame Street videos.
He's going to learn how to count or spell.
My friend bought a bunch of stumpy, fragrant mushrooms, claiming they were from Belgium. Are you kidding me? They’re clearly from Japan.
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
I was trying to give away a bunch of those little bugs that make honey.
But nobody wanted my freebies.
I just killed a bunch of chickpeas...
I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat
I guess I was the pile driver
A guy I know just bought a bunch (almost a shit-ton) of soft foam footballs and kerosene...
I think his plans are Nerfarious.
Space X is planning to send a bunch of cattle into orbit.
It will be the herd shot 'round the world.
A bunch of guys decided to build a cocktail lounge on top of Pike’s Peak.
It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.
I got a bunch of crows together and tried to teach them how to sing
But it just resulted in a cacawphony
I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance
When I fled the scene of the accident.
What do you call a bunch of racist red necks storming the Capitol Building?
I have a bunch of dead batteries if anyone is interested...
I have a bunch of unemployment jokes
If you wanted to take a bunch of bullets and forge them into a sword fit for a king what Caliber would you use?
What do you call a bunch of chess nerds bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
My dog swallowed a bunch of scrabble pieces
When he goes to the bathroom it could spell trouble.
For the past few days, I wake up to see someone has dumped a bunch of LEGO blocks on my front porch.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I have a bunch of lazy people jokes
They never work out anyways
If I put a bunch of iron in a line
I just printed out a bunch of pamphlets on how to avoid saying the wrong things and getting into a fight.
The other day I was attacked by a bunch of children...
but it's okay since I only took minor damage.
My wife came home with a big bunch of flowers and says where would you like me to plant them.
I said I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips.
I’ve accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
I had a bunch of books fall on me
I only have my shelf to blame.
I just ate a bunch of Scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom might spell disaster.
I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles.
My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
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