I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 22k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchipelagoMind
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What field does Dr.Pepper have a PhD in?

Theoretical Fizz-ics.

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A babooooom!

πŸ‘︎ 173
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..

Because his sense of humor was too crude

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gunsmith123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?

Pasture bedtime

πŸ‘︎ 274
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessCuteButt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When you see cows standing in a field, they are good cows.

They are outstanding in their field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Star_Dragon01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
Two wind turbines stood in a field one wind turbine asks the other wind turbine "What type of music do you like?" The other wind turbine replies..

"I'm a huge metal fan"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?

I said β€œIt’s pasture bedtime”.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A farmer was bringing his cows in from the fields ...

and he counted 396 of them.

But once he rounded them all up, he had 400.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeattlePunk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I was stood in a field the other day wondering why the frisbee coming towards me was getting bigger

Then it hit me

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
2 windmills are in a field. One asks: "What kind of music do you like?"

The other responds: "Well, I'm a big metal fan".

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Master_Achi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad went out to this field and sent me a picture of himself there.

The caption read β€˜I’m outstanding in this field!’

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."

"That's the goal at least."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.

Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.

All credit goes to my coworker.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robertmmoore143
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Two snowmen are standing in a field....

One looks over at the other. sniff sniff, β€œDo you smell carrots?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Auriga1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The greatest baseball player ever was a guy named Hugh McBealy, and he was most famous for every single time he came to the plate knocking the ball high over right field and into the stands.

He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.

He earned the nickname β€œthe machine” for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.

And the day he retired a reporter asked him β€œHow does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?”

Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. β€œWhat do you mean?” He said.

The reporter clarified β€œliterally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!”

Hugh looked dejected and disappointed β€œyeah, my greatest failure...”

β€œWhat do you mean?” Said the reporter incre

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Frnklfrwsr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to go find my kid in a farmers field

My kid said, "Why did you come and get me?"

Me: "Its pasture bed time."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cows standing in a field, one says moooooo

The other says; I was just about to say that.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigwalksmalltalk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Field Dressing

Hey guys, relatively new dad here. Pretty proud of myself because this came naturally. My 7 mo daughter, wife and I were hiking yesterday. My daughter was strapped to the front of me, and she started to stink. We found a field to lay her on her changing mat and change her diaper. She had a complete explosion so it required an outfit change. I looked up at my wife and said β€œlooks like I’ll be performing a field dressing”. Corny af I know, but it made my wife laugh πŸ˜†!

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ty_diesel_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
If you see some cows asleep in a field...

is it pasture bedtime?

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If you notice cows sleeping in a field...

Does it mean it’s pasture bedtime?

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?

So he could Rest in Peas.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OilPhilter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Said in a field full of large mushrooms

"There's humungous fungus amongus!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The Mafia killed a man in a rice field because of a dispute over a small trinket

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ValkornDoA
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer get pulled over after planting his field?

He broke the seed limit

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeGuy1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the British Prime Minister in a wheat field?

Thatcher in the rye.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've never been a fan of corn fields.

Something about them is just earie.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schneef_Jerky
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cows are standing in a field...

Cow 1: are you worried about getting mad cow disease?

Cow 2: of course not... I’m not a cow!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ed_five
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country

Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iniquitor
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I once got lost in a corn field

It was an a-maize-ing experience

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A cow stumbled into a pot field.

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Masderus-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Laying out a baseball field, looks pitcher perfect to me imgur.com/gallery/yHC2YnG
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call milk that has moved through your field of vision?

Past-your-eyes-d

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/masterredmage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a field of grass always older than you?

Because it’s pasture age

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bhoke23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.

.. But the Bull charges.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My hippy son asked for money for a field trip to the symphony hall

But it seemed like a Phishing attempt to me

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why weren't the cows in the field?

They Moooooved.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Recent studies show Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

Current events make it less attractive.

All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Every time I take pictures of wheat fields

...they always come out grainy.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field!

An oldie but a goodie.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WellysBoot
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I miss Cubs baseball so much that I asked my kid to build me a super realistic Wrigley Field in Minecraft.

She did a great job, because just like the real Wrigley these days, the only seats I could afford had blocked views.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...

...turned out grainy.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "

I said "It's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
If you notice cows sleeping in a field

does that mean it's pasture bedtime?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TroyExplores
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

A babooooom!

πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.

The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiny_spring
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report

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