I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
π︎ 22k
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︎ Nov 15 2020
What field does Dr.Pepper have a PhD in?
π︎ 172
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︎ Dec 05 2020
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
π︎ 173
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︎ Nov 29 2020
A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..
Because his sense of humor was too crude
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︎ Dec 21 2020
What time is it when you see a cow laying in a field?
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︎ Nov 09 2020
When you see cows standing in a field, they are good cows.
They are outstanding in their field.
Two wind turbines stood in a field one wind turbine asks the other wind turbine "What type of music do you like?" The other wind turbine replies..
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I said to my daughter, βItβs time for bed, the cows are asleep in the fieldβ. She asked βwhatβs that got to do with anythingβ?
I said βItβs pasture bedtimeβ.
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︎ Dec 15 2020
A farmer was bringing his cows in from the fields ...
and he counted 396 of them.
But once he rounded them all up, he had 400.
I was stood in a field the other day wondering why the frisbee coming towards me was getting bigger
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︎ Dec 27 2020
2 windmills are in a field. One asks: "What kind of music do you like?"
The other responds: "Well, I'm a big metal fan".
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Dad went out to this field and sent me a picture of himself there.
The caption read βIβm outstanding in this field!β
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
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︎ Dec 07 2020
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined itβs momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Two snowmen are standing in a field....
One looks over at the other. sniff sniff, βDo you smell carrots?β
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 18 2020
The greatest baseball player ever was a guy named Hugh McBealy, and he was most famous for every single time he came to the plate knocking the ball high over right field and into the stands.
He scored a home run every single at bat, and always the exact same way. Way over right field, too high for anyone to reach, and it always landed in exactly the 17th row of the stands, give or take a couple feet.
He earned the nickname βthe machineβ for how consistently he hit the exact same spot every time. Right field, 17th row, every single time. He did this for 20 years before he retired. Tickets to the 2-3 seats that the ball always landed on sold for over $2k a pop by the time he retired because you were guaranteed at least a couple home run balls.
And the day he retired a reporter asked him βHow does it feel to be retiring as the greatest hitter of all time?β
Hugh just looked at the reporter puzzled. βWhat do you mean?β He said.
The reporter clarified βliterally over 5,000 times you went to the plate and hit a home run to right field, 17th row of the stands!β
Hugh looked dejected and disappointed βyeah, my greatest failure...β
βWhat do you mean?β Said the reporter incre
...
keep reading on reddit β‘
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 12 2020
I had to go find my kid in a farmers field
My kid said, "Why did you come and get me?"
Me: "Its pasture bed time."
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 21 2020
Two cows standing in a field, one says moooooo
The other says; I was just about to say that.
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Field Dressing
Hey guys, relatively new dad here. Pretty proud of myself because this came naturally. My 7 mo daughter, wife and I were hiking yesterday. My daughter was strapped to the front of me, and she started to stink. We found a field to lay her on her changing mat and change her diaper. She had a complete explosion so it required an outfit change. I looked up at my wife and said βlooks like Iβll be performing a field dressingβ. Corny af I know, but it made my wife laugh π!
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︎ Oct 02 2020
If you see some cows asleep in a field...
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 08 2020
If you notice cows sleeping in a field...
Does it mean itβs pasture bedtime?
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 18 2020
Said in a field full of large mushrooms
"There's humungous fungus amongus!"
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 28 2020
The Mafia killed a man in a rice field because of a dispute over a small trinket
It was a knick-knack paddy whack
π︎ 24
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︎ Aug 20 2020
Why did the farmer get pulled over after planting his field?
π︎ 16
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︎ Sep 08 2020
A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack
π︎ 93
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︎ Jun 27 2020
What do you call the British Prime Minister in a wheat field?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I've never been a fan of corn fields.
Something about them is just earie.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
Two cows are standing in a field...
Cow 1: are you worried about getting mad cow disease?
Cow 2: of course not... Iβm not a cow!
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 06 2020
Guy #1: Check out these pictures I took of the wheat fields during my drive in the country
Guy #2: That would explain why they look so grainy
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 17 2020
Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
π︎ 188
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︎ Jun 01 2020
I once got lost in a corn field
It was an a-maize-ing experience
π︎ 10
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︎ Jul 22 2020
A cow stumbled into a pot field.
The steaks have never been higher.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 05 2020
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 13 2020
What do you call milk that has moved through your field of vision?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because itβs pasture age
π︎ 30
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 25 2020
My hippy son asked for money for a field trip to the symphony hall
But it seemed like a Phishing attempt to me
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Why weren't the cows in the field?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 17 2020
Recent studies show Earthβs magnetic field is weakening.
Current events make it less attractive.
All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 07 2020
Every time I take pictures of wheat fields
...they always come out grainy.
π︎ 10
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︎ May 07 2020
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down the road and turned into a field!
π︎ 9
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︎ May 26 2020
I miss Cubs baseball so much that I asked my kid to build me a super realistic Wrigley Field in Minecraft.
She did a great job, because just like the real Wrigley these days, the only seats I could afford had blocked views.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 28 2020
I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...
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︎ May 31 2020
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
If you notice cows sleeping in a field
does that mean it's pasture bedtime?
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 09 2020
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
π︎ 209
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︎ Jul 02 2020
A hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine.
The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
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