An avalanche has started on Mount Everest that threatens to wipe out 20% of its surrounding area.

This is snow joke.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a9lex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Found this walking in a local area
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superiorgooner
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:

'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UnexampledSalt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
On a video of a custom 2 Fort map that excludes the middle area (Team Fortress 2)
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Islarf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
True story. An emu escaped a farm in my area and was running around the suburbs..

Police tried to get it out of that area, but it was rather emuvable...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xJohnnyQuidx
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
A truck loaded with thesauruses crashed, spilling its contents over a large area...

Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted and taken aback.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?" /r/Jokes/comments/g6zr2k/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/austin29684
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
My son asked me how hard it is to calculate the area of a circle

I told him it’s easy as pi

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Edmondontis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
What area of a cornfield yields the most corn?

The Corner.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaynesky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
I’m a security guard for a residential area

The banker asked me what my occupation was, so I said:

β€œI’m an alley gater”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Pool area
πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/minecraftman0306
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 367
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a sign that said "Rest area 25 miles"...

I thought,wow, that's pretty big

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you calculate the surface area of a cephalopod?

Using octoPi

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carlitos_segway
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine's car broke down in a very difficult area in the Middle East.

He's stuck between Iraq and a hard place.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DavideoandPhoto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What a great pool area
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yeeyuss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was younger I had surgery in my groin area, I asked my dad what is wrong with my groin area?

There's nothing groin down there.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mash404
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I just saw on the TV that there’s been a spate of robberies in the area.

It’s break-in news.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alliedcola
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm wondering what to do about my area of land

It's just a lot to consider

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied it’s area by two, what would you get?

WSA

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shortordercook
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
When the weatherman said there was a tornado in the area I was blown away.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ailyara
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
So we’re driving down the road and I see rest area ahead. I say, hey kids

Speak now or forever hold your pee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djmuhlestein
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Hill areas!
πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flimsy_Classic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas..

I'm going to call it IP in Pools

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guycelium
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The people who actually show up to the Area 51 raid are really gonna go out with a bang.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kadedubson30
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I live in a hilly area

It all goes downhill from there

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bananalover779
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know any flat-earthers in your area?

There probably are some; I've heard they're all around the globe.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/analytik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
It seems like there's a dairy thief in my area

People keep knocking on my door asking if I've found cheeses.

I just slam the door in their faces. I guess I'm a little lactose intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Mexican Coke is my favourite variety, especially because its from a specific area...

...guess that makes it a coke-lloquialism.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/symmetrygear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to Google information about Area 51

But it said this site can't be reached.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Two Europeans walk into a strip club in America. The bouncer asks β€œYou want the smoking or non-smoking area?”

β€œOh we want the hottest girls you got”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisCGCToo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep track of the all the trees that grow in my local area in a book

It's my logbook

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weakshiv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A local barber in my area was arrested for selling drugs.

It blew my mindβ€”I've been his customer for years and I had no idea he was a barber.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/averageteencuber
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I matched with someone on Tinder at Area 51

We hit it off. It was out of this world!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TotallyTurtley
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a friend who had a difficult problem with the apartment area that he lived in

He had a complex complex complex

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uconnrob
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Area 51 wants to know your location
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cekuu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
There's an interesting fact about cemeteries in my area

It's the dead center of the town

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/expressionless420
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the writer go into a restricted area?

Because she’s an authorized person

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m making an app to find qualified electricians in your area

It’s called wattsapp

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Your_Uncle_Gubsy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw a sign that read," REST AREA 25 MILES"

I thought,wow,that's pretty big!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend takes time off work to go dig for water in drought stricken areas.

He has a well paying job.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Apparently there’s a big deaf school in my area

I guess I haven’t heard about it yet

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkMage007
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I changed my last name to my phone number and my first name to my area code.

Now everyone knows what to call me by.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I work for the NHS dealing with moving patients between different areas of the hospital.

It's a re-warding job.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was told there were hot shingles in my area...

Looking to get nailed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maggierette
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I signed up to take a tour of all the shopping centers in my area, but it was really disappointing

Once you've seen one, you've seen the mall.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Once considered to be holding funerals near a dead crow, now evidence indicates that crows may be examining the body and surrounding area for potential threats to the flock.

It's a murder investigation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the soft tissue lining the area between a sharks teeth?

The swimmer

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Preponderancy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
🚨︎ report
From my Dad many years ago while out camping in a mosquito infested area: There isn't a single mosquito here!

They are all married and have ten thousand kids!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heythisisbrandon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
So I decided to make a tinder profile and I thought you guys would appreciate it more than the girls in my area. imgur.com/1dVN6Ax
πŸ‘︎ 445
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Moooth
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
🚨︎ report
If I don't dye your stomach area...

You could say that I am abstaining from ab staining...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GalaHunterX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
🚨︎ report
When we hug, I call the area between my girlfriend and I the Napoleonic Area.

Because we are just a Bonaparte.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alucard971
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
When you want to find soup in your area... angelacookwriter.wordpres…
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Angela_Cook
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Why psychiatrists don’t want to visit Arctic areas?

They’re afraid of bipolar bears.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Driving with my family in a rural area...

...we stopped an an intersection. A big rig fully laden with hay bales approached from opposite direction. The driver made eye contact with me so I waved and yelled, "Hey!"

The kids tried to melt into their seats.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NativeSonSF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
🚨︎ report
We were driving in a rural area and I asked my daughter, "Want some Drugs?" She said, "No, Why?"

"Because that's a Farm-I-See"

πŸ‘︎ 165
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I got stuck in a high traffic area

turns out the Cannabis Cup was in town

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I was on holiday in a picturesque rural lake area, got stressed at the lack of 4G and 3G signal though.

I was on EDGE there.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YorkshireRiffer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
At Lowes today the intercom lady says β€œSpecial Assistance Needed in the Blind Cutting Area.”

insert your dad’s joke here.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superd3n
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2017
🚨︎ report
IKEA should call their check-out area...

...SCANdinavia.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IanGecko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I spent the afternoon with my son at the zoo today and when we were walking through the bird area, he asked me, "Why do flamingos always stand with one leg in the air?"

I responded, "Because if they lifted both of them up, they'd fall over!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I was looking on Yelp for some good seafood in my area and there was one place close by.

But it only had tuna half stars.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliveBoobs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I passed a rest area on my way home from NY...

The sign said it was 25 miles. That's a HUGE rest area!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/N1NJA_CAR1B0U
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning & find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/air28uk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2017
🚨︎ report
There is a brush burning ban in my area. Wild fires.

Does this mean I can still burn combs and hair picks?

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Caution: escaped child psychic in the area

There’s a small medium at-large.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/codepoet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when someone shoots a guy in their "area"?

A glock n' balls

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RadRighteous
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows in the Greater Boston area recently.

There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.

The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissami
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Would surprise butt sex for dogs be an "unexpected item in wagging area"?
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrJoffery
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2015
🚨︎ report
The Local Area Network in Australia is known as the LAN down under
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManCaveGamer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
🚨︎ report
What did Hitler use to find the area under a curve?

A Riechman sum

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skystrike7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
🚨︎ report
My son and I were riding through a rural farm area...

We saw one of those circular open-sided fences around some hay. My son asked what it was. "I don't know", I said, "but it certainly rings a bale."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/radlee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I heard the farmer down the road was stealing from the construction area. I didn't believe it...

But then I realized that all the signs were there.

http://i.imgur.com/JRK3dB6.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SapperInTexas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2015
🚨︎ report
In some areas of the country horse rescue organizations are the glue that holds the community together

As dictated by my father to me, to share with you all.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
🚨︎ report
If you stay in the area where the longest Afican river flows into the Mediterranean, you will go crazy.

Sea Nile

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditurded
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Here's an idea for a vegetarian restaurant in a busy business area

Meating Adjourned

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/petrarchansonnet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
🚨︎ report
We were driving past a dangerous rockfall area

Dad: Wow, I remember I went to a concert here before...

Me: Here? You mean this canyon?

Dad: Yeah, back in the 80s, I saw the Rolling Stones here!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cransrax
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
🚨︎ report
The guy who founded Hovis is from my area.

Born and Bread.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MatiasUK
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2016
🚨︎ report
I asked if anyone in the car needed to stop at the next rest area

I was driving on our way to visit my grandparents and there was a rest area coming up. I asked if anyone needed me to stop, and nobody replied so I said: "Speak now or forever hold your pee"

Even my dad groaned. I think he is proud.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/missouripacific
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2015
🚨︎ report
TIL damage to the V1 area of the brain can cause a condition called "blindsight".

But damage to the V8 can make you a vegetable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mechaxis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you look for the area of a pie?

A square

(Happy pi day)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squinty_Michael
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area.

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report

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