Hurricane Marco is headed towards land

Hurricane polo is nowhere in sight

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/airhogg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23
🚨︎ report
A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...

The prophets were through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoSchmo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
Why did the Egyptian man wrongfully insist that he was still on land?

He was in de-nile

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LooseMonty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30
🚨︎ report
What does a pirate drive on land?

A cargh.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spirit_desire
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
I was going to grow my own tabacco for smoking, but I don't have enough land.

I guess it's just a pipe dream.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
(1) What type of airplane bounces back up when it crash lands?
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_raphael_7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...

...kids are lining up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large land animal that doesn’t matter?

An Irrelephant

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hathcoast23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
What should be the 2017 Oscars La la Land - Moonlight controversy renamed as?

DilEmma

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Gave my wife a dart and a map, "once this is over, I'll take you anywhere this lands"...

I guess we're going behind the fridge for two weeks!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mh-98
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
My friend asked if I could explain what the land beside the sea was.

I replied, "Shore."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Could the Uyghurs expand throughout the vast lands of Eurasia?

No, but Genghis Khan.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Calcium
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
Why was the miner so determined to complete digging on a second plot of land?

Because he had one tract mined.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EurassesDragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach

But he was pretty shore

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Some people say the land North of Texas is pretty rough

But I think it's OK

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
This is where getting high every day will land you
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a white man say when he gets more land?

Ah, the plot thickens

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Germanboi99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?

By Demeter.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotHavoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A family drove to Disney Land, but they turned back and drove away

Because they saw the sign, "Disney Land left"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
What happened to the guy that sold land mines shaped like prayer maps?

The prophets were through the roof

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...

She wanted my mansion and moor!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Today I taught my son what it means to own a parcel of land.

He was very appreciative. He said thanks, that means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
La La Land

https://preview.redd.it/vqrhmb5n0p041.png?width=1508&format=png&auto=webp&s=0014f34cd14db921a6d037b7f7d1801d888a15de

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wee3647
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the business selling land mines disguised as prayer mats?

The prophets are through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donegal-Hospital
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm wondering what to do about my area of land

It's just a lot to consider

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When we reached the narrow strip of land with sea on either side...

I knew Ithmus be the place.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rdunne22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Hawaii used to be part of a group of 5 identical land masses.

The other four were called Hawhoii, Hawhereii, Hawhatii, and Hawhenii.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
"We don't need a fishy super hero!" The land locked victims exclaimed.

"I sea," said Aquaman

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
doctor 1: this sailor broke his nose from crashing onto land.

doctor 1: Luckily they're just mariner injuries.

doctor 2: are you shore? they seem pretty bad to me.

doctor 1: nonsense, you can seafarer self.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liltrigger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the two maple trees get in trouble for when they crossed onto a farmer’s land?

Treespassing

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GladMahi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
the land of frogs
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilMurloc22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Nether Lands
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Makobeast1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What sound does a 777 make as it lands?

Boeing Boeing Boeing

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/barbecuejones
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Public opinion was favorable for local farmer banning outsiders access to hills filled with mushroom on his land.

He had the morel high ground.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iuntti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If someone falls out of the sky, and lands on a church...

They would be inspired.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chikyuu_ondanka
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought someone was joking when they said there was a land full of Jewish people.

Israel!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife drops me off in front of a restaurant in our Land Rover. Another patron notices the car and says, β€œThat must have been an expensive uber.”

To which I replied: β€œtell me about it. I’ve been with her for 20 years.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mckaneorg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a double decker airplane that bounces on the runway while it lands?

a BOING 747

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to Star Wars land last week and tried a wookiee cookie. It was pretty good...

... a little chewie.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brorod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
While watching TV Land I turned to my son and said

gee, commercials back then sure were good at predicting the future.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AcesOverPacific
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when a coin lands on its side?

I can't make heads or tails of it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was skeptical when someone told me that there is a land full of Jews

Turns out, Israel

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Sand is a combination of the words sea and land, as it is where they meet. You could say it is their ship name.

Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants

πŸ‘︎ 240
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Llamaz
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a peice of land gets thicker?

The plot thickens.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragon_owns_a_cat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the British conquer so much land?

They needed more proper tea.

πŸ‘︎ 325
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DirtyBalm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
1 acre of land for sale, no house.

That’s a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/esthor
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend received some land to build on...

He said, "Thanks, a lot".

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_bob_5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Tell me if it doesn’t land on y’all
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OkWolf101
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference in a duck descending towards land vs a duck descending towards water?

One is going to land on land, but the other won't water on water. ...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MYZS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone ruined my bit of land at the allotment

I lost the plot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I land jokes.

Where did the Caribbean joke end?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blessedathiest
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.

Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.

Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?

Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!

Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .

Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiOneToo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
When Northern Europe was bartering for its land, all they wanted was a little something to Sweden the deal.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callenreese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Was the ocean salty when the land didn’t wave back?
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lightning_Bolt88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you land on a dinosaur?

A mega sore arse

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the Native Americans get angry when kicked out of their lands?

Because they became nomads

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mlinuga
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If an ocean forms a channel through a body of land, and no one's around to hear it...

Does it make a sound?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jerpeggy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
If Elon Musk’s car accidentally lands on the Sun...

Will he be able to call Onstar?

πŸ‘︎ 403
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KOTORbayani
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife told me that my gaming addiction will land me in the hospital.

But you can't kill what has no life.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadLoompa
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Patches of land are the only thing I find upsetting

it takes a lot to offend me

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I was talking to this guy who didn't believe in the Jewish home land,

but I said it Israel

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InputComrade
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If you go to Lego Land there will be people standing in line

for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My farm used to only be 3x3 acres but I recently bought more land

The plot thickens

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackslapppp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
An Italian wheat farmer was having a land dispute with another farmer.

Finally the first farmer had enough and said "stop! You are giving me a mygrain"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.

That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/personGuy02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL that Cards Against Humanity joked that they could buy an island with the money they donate to charity, so they bought an island in Maine to preserve wildlife. They named it β€˜Hawaii 2’ because β€œit’s on the Maine land.” connecticut.cbslocal.com/…
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Big_Spicy_Tuna69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is Australia the land down under?

Because on the opposite side of the earth, Europe.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I was driving and saw some land for sale.

I was driving by some land for sale and wondered the price. It was a lot.

Edit. First attempt at submitting one. Thought of it on the way home from work today.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HoDillyDor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?

They Use The Sidewalk!

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chokingontheback
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do Flying Pigs land?

At the Airpork.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarylInDurham
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Top news story today: A man dies when a pile of books lands on him.

Police say, he had only his shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ystrday_tmrw_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Back in 20th century everybody thought we would land on Mars by 2021 ...

I guess hindsight is 2020 ..!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me that she and her husband paid $50,000 for a piece of land to build their new house on.

I told her that sounded like a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/upandattem
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I play chess online with a guy that lives in a small land-locked country in Central Europe.

He’s my Czech-mate.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Me- Are you going to buy some land? Gf's dad: "No, no.. A lot."

Me- YOU'RE GOING TO BUY A LOT OF LAND??

I crack myself up.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1nurseman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
🚨︎ report
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!

Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"

"Yes you are"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sint__Maarten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Congratulations to China for managing to land on the dark side of the moon

Perhaps they can shed some light on what it's like there

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/helimoth
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A cat can't land upright if you drop it from 24 inches.

It needs 4 feet.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steal_it_back
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to think of a nickname for the Land-o-Lakes girl

But alas

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/upinflams
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
God appears before Moses and tells him he's going to lead His people into the promise land...

Moses says, "NO WAY!" But God said, "YAHWEH!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDictator26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the sea bord say to the other sea bird when he asked where they would land?

At Port-you-gull

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBeardedObesity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw my sister weeping uncontrollably, worried that her Economics degree won’t land her a job.

I said, β€œAre you having a financial cry, sis?”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I cut down a tree and it happened to land on my neighbor's car

It was an axident.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Psychii_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shi-Rokku
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tchavez34135
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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