Why do the British like acquiring new land?

Because it is proper-tea

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HentaiForMySenpai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
This is where getting high everyday will land you.
πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Since the start of the Covid outbreak I own the quietest bar in the land....

Bar none.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
The nation of Iran lies between the ancient lands of Babylon to the west and the mountains of Afghanistan to the east...

In other words, it’s between Iraq and a hard place.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best ride in Candy Land?

The Rollo' Coaster

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How do farmers measure land?

They use protractors.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chairlegnumber4
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a plane that always lands rough?

Boing

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Old Farmer: If you want your crops to grow, you must remember to fertilize your land properly.

New guy: That sounds like bullshit.

Farmer: Yes, exactly.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large land mass that uncontrollably leaks into the ocean?

Incontinent

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound does a 747 make when it crash lands ?

Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Does this make Switzerland the Holy Land?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_Jockstrap
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
THE LAND MINE WAS A....

GROUND BREAKING DISCOVERY

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A dad and son drove by a golf course next to a few houses the son asked β€œwhat happens if the ball lands in the house”

The dad said β€œit’s a home-in-one”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaiah2rod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If a highly skilled bird lands on your father’s sweater...

That’s a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Two crows land on a park bench.

They were arrested for conspiring to murder.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/codenewt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the fastest animal on land is the ostrich?

Actually, it's not but the fastest one is a cheetah

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alfie_13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
90 percent of my jokes don't land...

But one pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gasface
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Egyptian man wrongfully insist that he was still on land?

He was in de-nile

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LooseMonty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...

The prophets were through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoSchmo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Hurricane Marco is headed towards land

Hurricane polo is nowhere in sight

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airhogg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was it so easy to see the aircraft on the grass lands?

It was in plane sight!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
(1) What type of airplane bounces back up when it crash lands?
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_raphael_7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a pirate drive on land?

A cargh.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spirit_desire
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to grow my own tabacco for smoking, but I don't have enough land.

I guess it's just a pipe dream.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snuggeybug
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...

...kids are lining up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a large land animal that doesn’t matter?

An Irrelephant

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hathcoast23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Gave my wife a dart and a map, "once this is over, I'll take you anywhere this lands"...

I guess we're going behind the fridge for two weeks!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mh-98
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.

They were maid for each other.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What should be the 2017 Oscars La la Land - Moonlight controversy renamed as?

DilEmma

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/engineerwho_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend asked if I could explain what the land beside the sea was.

I replied, "Shore."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
This is where getting high every day will land you
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Some people say the land North of Texas is pretty rough

But I think it's OK

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?

By Demeter.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotHavoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a white man say when he gets more land?

Ah, the plot thickens

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Germanboi99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the guy that sold land mines shaped like prayer maps?

The prophets were through the roof

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach

But he was pretty shore

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the miner so determined to complete digging on a second plot of land?

Because he had one tract mined.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EurassesDragon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Could the Uyghurs expand throughout the vast lands of Eurasia?

No, but Genghis Khan.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Calcium
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A family drove to Disney Land, but they turned back and drove away

Because they saw the sign, "Disney Land left"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkyStar1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
La La Land

https://preview.redd.it/vqrhmb5n0p041.png?width=1508&format=png&auto=webp&s=0014f34cd14db921a6d037b7f7d1801d888a15de

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wee3647
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shi-Rokku
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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