Hurricane Marco is headed towards land
Hurricane polo is nowhere in sight
A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...
The prophets were through the roof!
Why did the Egyptian man wrongfully insist that he was still on land?
What does a pirate drive on land?
I was going to grow my own tabacco for smoking, but I don't have enough land.
I guess it's just a pipe dream.
(1) What type of airplane bounces back up when it crash lands?
The government is finally allowing Lego Land to reopen...
...kids are lining up for blocks.
What do you call a large land animal that doesn’t matter?
What should be the 2017 Oscars La la Land - Moonlight controversy renamed as?
Gave my wife a dart and a map, "once this is over, I'll take you anywhere this lands"...
I guess we're going behind the fridge for two weeks!
My friend asked if I could explain what the land beside the sea was.
Could the Uyghurs expand throughout the vast lands of Eurasia?
Why was the miner so determined to complete digging on a second plot of land?
Because he had one tract mined.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach
Some people say the land North of Texas is pretty rough
This is where getting high every day will land you
What does a white man say when he gets more land?
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
A family drove to Disney Land, but they turned back and drove away
Because they saw the sign, "Disney Land left"
What happened to the guy that sold land mines shaped like prayer maps?
The prophets were through the roof
I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...
She wanted my mansion and moor!
Today I taught my son what it means to own a parcel of land.
He was very appreciative. He said thanks, that means a lot.
La La Land
Did you hear about the business selling land mines disguised as prayer mats?
The prophets are through the roof!
I'm wondering what to do about my area of land
It's just a lot to consider
When we reached the narrow strip of land with sea on either side...
I knew Ithmus be the place.
Hawaii used to be part of a group of 5 identical land masses.
The other four were called Hawhoii, Hawhereii, Hawhatii, and Hawhenii.
"We don't need a fishy super hero!" The land locked victims exclaimed.
doctor 1: this sailor broke his nose from crashing onto land.
doctor 1: Luckily they're just mariner injuries.
doctor 2: are you shore? they seem pretty bad to me.
doctor 1: nonsense, you can seafarer self.
What did the two maple trees get in trouble for when they crossed onto a farmer’s land?
What sound does a 777 make as it lands?
Public opinion was favorable for local farmer banning outsiders access to hills filled with mushroom on his land.
He had the morel high ground.
If someone falls out of the sky, and lands on a church...
I thought someone was joking when they said there was a land full of Jewish people.
My wife drops me off in front of a restaurant in our Land Rover. Another patron notices the car and says, “That must have been an expensive uber.”
To which I replied: “tell me about it. I’ve been with her for 20 years.”
What do you call a double decker airplane that bounces on the runway while it lands?
I went to Star Wars land last week and tried a wookiee cookie. It was pretty good...
While watching TV Land I turned to my son and said
gee, commercials back then sure were good at predicting the future.
What happens when a coin lands on its side?
I can't make heads or tails of it.
I was skeptical when someone told me that there is a land full of Jews
Sand is a combination of the words sea and land, as it is where they meet. You could say it is their ship name.
Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
What do you call it when a peice of land gets thicker?
Why did the British conquer so much land?
They needed more proper tea.
1 acre of land for sale, no house.
My friend received some land to build on...
He said, "Thanks, a lot".
Tell me if it doesn’t land on y’all
What's the difference in a duck descending towards land vs a duck descending towards water?
One is going to land on land, but the other won't water on water.
Someone ruined my bit of land at the allotment
I land jokes.
Where did the Caribbean joke end?
A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well?
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
When Northern Europe was bartering for its land, all they wanted was a little something to Sweden the deal.
Was the ocean salty when the land didn’t wave back?
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
What do you get if you land on a dinosaur?
Why didn't the Native Americans get angry when kicked out of their lands?
Because they became nomads
If an ocean forms a channel through a body of land, and no one's around to hear it...
If Elon Musk’s car accidentally lands on the Sun...
Will he be able to call Onstar?
My wife told me that my gaming addiction will land me in the hospital.
But you can't kill what has no life.
Patches of land are the only thing I find upsetting
it takes a lot to offend me
I was talking to this guy who didn't believe in the Jewish home land,
If you go to Lego Land there will be people standing in line
My farm used to only be 3x3 acres but I recently bought more land
An Italian wheat farmer was having a land dispute with another farmer.
Finally the first farmer had enough and said "stop! You are giving me a mygrain"
I was reading a book the other day and a man started adding dirt to a farmers land.
That’s the point in the book where the plot thickened.
TIL that Cards Against Humanity joked that they could buy an island with the money they donate to charity, so they bought an island in Maine to preserve wildlife. They named it ‘Hawaii 2’ because “it’s on the Maine land.” connecticut.cbslocal.com/…
Why is Australia the land down under?
Because on the opposite side of the earth, Europe.
I was driving and saw some land for sale.
I was driving by some land for sale and wondered the price. It was a lot.
Edit. First attempt at submitting one. Thought of it on the way home from work today.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
Where do Flying Pigs land?
Top news story today: A man dies when a pile of books lands on him.
Police say, he had only his shelf to blame.
Back in 20th century everybody thought we would land on Mars by 2021 ...
I guess hindsight is 2020 ..!
My daughter told me that she and her husband paid $50,000 for a piece of land to build their new house on.
I told her that sounded like a lot.
I play chess online with a guy that lives in a small land-locked country in Central Europe.
Me- Are you going to buy some land? Gf's dad: "No, no.. A lot."
Me- YOU'RE GOING TO BUY A LOT OF LAND??
I crack myself up.
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
Congratulations to China for managing to land on the dark side of the moon
Perhaps they can shed some light on what it's like there
A cat can't land upright if you drop it from 24 inches.
I’ve been trying to think of a nickname for the Land-o-Lakes girl
God appears before Moses and tells him he's going to lead His people into the promise land...
Moses says, "NO WAY!" But God said, "YAHWEH!"
What did the sea bord say to the other sea bird when he asked where they would land?
I saw my sister weeping uncontrollably, worried that her Economics degree won’t land her a job.
I said, “Are you having a financial cry, sis?”
I cut down a tree and it happened to land on my neighbor's car
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof.
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof!